hummingbird358

Just wanted to give an update on my son.... It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since he left to start his new life in a state where weed is legal- over 1500 miles from his home town which he despised. He had interviews but still no job. Seems odd a young man with 2 degrees and still no job. I feel he is either applying at places way over his head for just graduating or he shows up a bit "off". Either way, I am disgusted. While the pain of watching him every day has been eased, I still am constantly worrying or wondering what will happen next. Yes, I feel he is still drinking but also the weed there is a lot more strong than he had around here so not sure if that makes it look like he is drunk. (He facetimed me the other day and it was obvious that he was not 100% normal) I have told him to try for any job and he tells me he has applied at some 5 times and still doesn't hear anything..... For his graduation gift I did pay his rent through March and then the free ride is over. Now and going forward he is responsible for his gas, utilities, food and pet food so his savings has to be dwindling especially if he is purchasing his booze and weed. Just not sure when this young man will wake up. Maybe when he has no money to care for his cats that mean the world to him? Just wanted to give an up date. BTW>>> I have repainted his room and threw away the soiled mattress, packed away all of his clothing, shampooed the carpet, etc! I sure don't want him back in my house. Sounds awful to say when it is you own child but the hurt I felt when I seen how he had destroyed his room and the walls just crushed me. How can someone not care about anything, not take pride in anything....?

Steely

It doesn't sound awful. Yes, it's hard and painful, worrying, but sometimes we have to say NO even to our kids. Hope it's not permanent though, and that you do eventually develop a working relationship with your son. Kids, Sheee!

Morning Glory

Responsibility is really good for him. If he can accomplish this on his own he will gain independence.
Being independent builds self esteem. If the money runs out maybe he'll seek counseling and/or treatment.

You may want to gather up some phone numbers in his area for rehabs, food banks, shelters and help lines to have handy if he calls in a crisis. Also have the direct line to the fire department and police department in case he has a medical emergency.

When they move away the first 3 months are the hardest. Distance has always made it easier on me. He will find other ways to get his needs met if you are not close to him.

CodeJob

So he actually left. Wow Hummingbird!

I've been wondering how you are! Busy reclaiming your home. Good!

It has been my general peer experience since about 2003 that companies do not hire quickly. I've had one friend be interviewed for a YEAR before she was offered a position. My current company is just starting interviews for a job they posted in October. One of my engineering friends is setting aside 9 months to land her next position. She has been frustrated to realize she was probably right in that time estimate. He may very well be doing all he is supposed to be doing and just not yielding instantaneous results.

AnvilheadII

2 weeks is NOT long at all to acclimate to a new place AND find a job. i think you might be expecting a bit too much too soon. and besides, it's HIS life.....and he gets to live it however he sees fit, especially now that you got him OUT of the house!

Kindeyes

Relax....breathe.......I agree with Anvilhead.....two weeks is not much time. You've been beyond generous to pay his rent through March. But that has also removed the sense of urgency for him to secure employment quickly. As the end of his free ride draws near, that sense of urgency will increase and hopefully motivate him. But you're not in control of what he does.....only what you do.

I hope you will enjoy recapturing your life and live it to the fullest. I believe that's the healthiest and kindest thing we can do for our children.