hope778

Like so many of you have already experienced, I dropped my AH at inpatient rehab treatment last night. This is a first for us. He was ready, so he says, although he was somewhat forced into this situation as he had no other choice. Either this, or he can't come back home to me and our baby. Again, as many of you know, this part is hard. Very, very hard. No contact right now, wondering if he's okay, what he's doing, what he's thinking, if he's still as motivated as he seemed on the way there, or if he feels deflated, etc etc. Guess that would be the enabler in me - worried more about him than myself. Despite feeling like I wanted to sulk in bed all day I got up and went to church this morning. I am so glad I did. I find such peace and hope there, and will be getting more involved as well as getting help for myself there. I've promised my AH I will be working on myself while he is putting in hard work too.

I want to be hopeful. It's hard when for so long being hopeful meant getting your hopes up to be let down again. Man, I sound pessimistic. I have spurts of hope and I want to cling to those! I pray that we will come out of this strong and able to persevere together.

Any advice and encouragement welcome! Although I don't post much I do cherish all of your words and thoughts that you have shared.

CodeJob

Hello Hope!

I found working the first three steps pretty useful in evaluating my feelings and beliefs about addiction and how it was impacting my family.

Take care!

Turtle76

Welcome Hope. I am in the same boat as you. My ABF is 2 weeks into his treatment as of today, so I have a good idea what you're going through. I am new to this, so I have little advice but lots of empathy and support. Im sure you are very emotional and confused right now. But, at least for me, that was shortly followed by peace and gratitude. The house was so quiet and drama free... and I now have so much more time to focus on myself, now that i don't have to constantly worry about him and clean up after him. I am so grateful that he has chosen, on his own, to get help as well. This is a good thing! He is alive and in the best possible place ge can be right now. And I am grateful for the opportunity to take this chance to try to "fix" myself, rather than him.

I am taking thus time to reconnect with friends I have been pushing away so they wouldn't see how bad he had gotten. I am being honest about my situation and my feeling (for yhe firdt time in a while) and receiving alot of support. I am going to alanon meetings (mine is an alkue and an addict). I also started journaling, which ive found very helpful. Most importantly, I try to do something nice for myself everyday. Like watch a sunset, give myself a facial, or do some yoga.

While I still worry about him every day,, I find the gocus is slowly swinging in the other direction.

Turtle76

I wanted to add that I also am trying to take it "one day at a time." I find, if I focus on all the what ifs, and there are ALOT of what ifs.... then all the anxiety creeps in. There is no point in worrying about something that has or has not happened yet. I will cross those bridges when I get there. This is alot easier said than done, but I am trying. Good luck in your journey. I fully believe we will both be better people on the other side of this experience if we take tge time to do the work.

hope778

Thank you for the advice. I've never gone through a twelve step program myself and do not know much about the process. Could you tell me more about the first three steps?

CodeJob

No problem Hope,

I used this very website. Here's a link to the threads with the Step Work. If you click each step, there is a e-copy of a good overview of the each Step. Even better, folks here have written some about their own experience working on them.

Take care!

Friends and Family Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

hope778

Wow, this hit close to home. Thank you so much for responding. It's immeasurably comforting just to hear the words "I'm in the same boat as you." As you know a lot of the time we feel like no one could imagine the pain and torture we experience with all this. I know all too well what it's like to spend the little free time I have cleaning up his messes while staying strong for him. I am 100% guilty of keeping friends and loved ones at a distance so they don't know all the ugly truths of my life right now. Your advice was perfect for me.

Isn't it weird these intial feelings we have while they're away? I mean I had such peace knowing I'd be able to come home at night and sleep peacefully while he was away. I thought I'd get so much done, exercise, get finances stable again, but all I can seem to think about is how he is, what he's feeling, etc while feeling guilty that he's going through this and I'm not. Like, seriously, what in the world?! 😳 I think you've helped me start shifting my focus on getting help for myself while he's in good hands getting the same for himself.

Thank you!!

hope778

Thank you, Code!!