What do I do ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 29
What do I do ?
Merry Christmas to all, and happy new year too.
My son is an ADHD drug abuser. He's 35 yrs of age. He is snorting 5x the prescribed dose which is to be taken orally once a day. He is also using some sort of undefined street drug that's in a blue and white unmarked capsule. He's lost close to 100lbs in less than 10 months. He's not looking good. However he is still working .
My mother (his grandmother) asked how he was doing. I was honest with her and told her the above information. Expanding on his grandiose behaviour.
Now my mothers sister died many years ago. My mother did nothing but whine and complain and cut my aunt down about my aunts drinking. Yet my mother continued to buy her booze and drink with her. My aunt eventually died.
My aunts son then became my mothers go to drinking buddy and history repeated. My cousin died this summer from an overdose of alcohol and methadone.
My mother always gives my son money for Christmas. This year it was $200. I told her that the money will more than likely go straight up his nose. That given the circumstances of a recent drug death in the family, my sons blatant statement that he's ready to die, that he's seen the glory of God etc...it may not be good idea to send money. She said take the money out . Christmas Eve she changed her mind..she wants me to give the money to him. I refuse to ..and mailed the money back to her.
My question is what could have done differently ? I fear deeply for my sons life. He idolizes his dead cousin and is now selling pictures of his dead cousin. ( told to me by my mother)
My mother believes his lies and manipulation so much so and even sending pictures of my son to her and his incredible weight loss falls on deaf ears.
Two people have already died and each time she supported and bought booze for them, or gave them money, complained incessantly bout their drinking, but kept providing it....and now she's doing the same thing to my son.
I have to change my behaviour . But I'm lost and confused. I'm in alanon and have been in the program for a year now. I'm not rescuing my son, even though he has called for help.
My husband is extremely frustrated with my mothers behaviour, and my anger after I talk with her. It's like she's evil and doesn't give a rats butt about anyone except how she feels.
She says.." I don't give him money. This is Christmas , it's different." HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT.?
So when someone asks me how my son is doing...do I tell the truth? Do I say I do not know ? I'm so baffled and bewildered.
Oh golly I hate this ... Can someone anyone please provide some guidance? I feel like I'm trapped in a bipolar vortex , damned if I do and damned if I don't.
My son is an ADHD drug abuser. He's 35 yrs of age. He is snorting 5x the prescribed dose which is to be taken orally once a day. He is also using some sort of undefined street drug that's in a blue and white unmarked capsule. He's lost close to 100lbs in less than 10 months. He's not looking good. However he is still working .
My mother (his grandmother) asked how he was doing. I was honest with her and told her the above information. Expanding on his grandiose behaviour.
Now my mothers sister died many years ago. My mother did nothing but whine and complain and cut my aunt down about my aunts drinking. Yet my mother continued to buy her booze and drink with her. My aunt eventually died.
My aunts son then became my mothers go to drinking buddy and history repeated. My cousin died this summer from an overdose of alcohol and methadone.
My mother always gives my son money for Christmas. This year it was $200. I told her that the money will more than likely go straight up his nose. That given the circumstances of a recent drug death in the family, my sons blatant statement that he's ready to die, that he's seen the glory of God etc...it may not be good idea to send money. She said take the money out . Christmas Eve she changed her mind..she wants me to give the money to him. I refuse to ..and mailed the money back to her.
My question is what could have done differently ? I fear deeply for my sons life. He idolizes his dead cousin and is now selling pictures of his dead cousin. ( told to me by my mother)
My mother believes his lies and manipulation so much so and even sending pictures of my son to her and his incredible weight loss falls on deaf ears.
Two people have already died and each time she supported and bought booze for them, or gave them money, complained incessantly bout their drinking, but kept providing it....and now she's doing the same thing to my son.
I have to change my behaviour . But I'm lost and confused. I'm in alanon and have been in the program for a year now. I'm not rescuing my son, even though he has called for help.
My husband is extremely frustrated with my mothers behaviour, and my anger after I talk with her. It's like she's evil and doesn't give a rats butt about anyone except how she feels.
She says.." I don't give him money. This is Christmas , it's different." HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT.?
So when someone asks me how my son is doing...do I tell the truth? Do I say I do not know ? I'm so baffled and bewildered.
Oh golly I hate this ... Can someone anyone please provide some guidance? I feel like I'm trapped in a bipolar vortex , damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
It doesn't sound like you are going to change your mom. I think I would have taken the money and spent it on clothing and shoes or something like that for your son and would have given that to your son from Grandma.
You are dealing with 2 adults making their own life choices that you don't have control over. I know that's hard when your greatest desire is to save your son's life. Some things are just out of our hands.
You are dealing with 2 adults making their own life choices that you don't have control over. I know that's hard when your greatest desire is to save your son's life. Some things are just out of our hands.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2
Keep coming back. My situation is much the same only we have two chronic "alligators" involved. Hardest thing ever, but IMHO you are 100% correct. Still, we can't control ANYTHING except ourselves. Alanon definitely works.
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