rissapoop

Hi everyone,
I am new here. I've really come to a dead end as how to handle my brother's continous and severe drug abuse. A little info about me... I am a 21 year old female. The youngest child of 3. My brother is 28. And the oldest. My big brother. I also have a sister who is 26. I come from what would like a loving and stable home. Married parents my entire life, conservative Christians. etc. But not all was what it seemed. I won't get into that. The point is my brother... he has been in an up and down battle with addiction since I was about 9 years old. It was very confusing for me because no one communicated the reason our once peaceful home was falling apart. He joined the Marine Corps at 18 because he had no other options. My parents kicked him out and he was sleeping in the recruitment office. I thought this would be his wake up call. No. He was deployed to Iraq in 2007/2008. He was infantry and his battalion has a lengthy of history of frontline combat. He came back and seemed fine, but he spiraled out of control and hasn't been the same since. He has been diagnosed with PTSD. It only continues to get worse year after year. He has had 2 wives. And 2 divorces. I'm especially worried lately because he left the state and moved to Florida with some woman 10 years older with him with a child. That went sour really quick. I had been communicating with him for a couple days in a row which is very unlike me... i usually stay far away from his toxic personality and lifestyle. I guess i did because I've been terrified of losing him. And just wanted to hear his voice one last time. Incase I never see him again. He's so far away. According to my father he is now addicted intravenous heroin. He was addicted to crystal meth for a quite awhile. But he will drink, take pills, smoke pot. It doesn't matter. Anyhow, I'd been communicating with him. And I hadn't heard from in a day or two and something inside of me just knew something wasn'the right. I felt it in my heart. So i did some research and found he had been arrested for misdemeanor loitering and prowling. He likes to rob and steal and commit fraud in the depths of his addiction. He was released. But no way of getting a hold of him. His phone was taken as evidence. Today, I got text message from my dad that he had been submitted by police to a hospital for rhabdomyolysis and was discharged. Now receiving treatment near a VA in Florida. I'm just so sad and scared. So many years of a lost relationship with him. I just want him to get better. I want my brother. Whoever he is. He's always been a stranger. Any advice is appreciated. Any sibilings with drug addicted sibiling... and how they lovingly detach.

alterity

I am sorry to hear what you and your brother are going through. I have a younger drug addicted brother who is 17 years younger than I am. I happen to have experienced a reverse journey as you, however. Instead of wanting to have a relationship with him more as his addiction and criminal behavior worsened, I have had to detach from him for my own health and well being. I wish I could be there more for him but I have too much automatic worry and anticipation of the worst since in the past I had naively been unaware of the depths of his usage in the past. So, I have to commend you for wanting your brother whoever he is. I think it's brave, but I would advise you to proceed with caution because to want a relationship with him and to want to detach at the same time is an extremely difficult task.

Many people here will try to encourage you to cut him out of your life completely as that is the dominant trend. I think every person has their own abilities to handle these kinds of situations. For a "parentified child" such as myself, who is extremely co-dependent to the point where I empathize with people (and animals) on the other side of the world whom I would never have an opportunity to meet, I have found it impossible to be involved at all in my brother's life anymore. Even talking about him with my family sets me into sleepless, worry filled nights. Other people may be able to handle it, and you may be one of the them. I hope some of this helps!

rissapoop

Thank you alterity. I appreciate your feedback and support. Just knowing I am not alone in this struggle is helpful. I ignored him for many years. But for some odd reason I feel the need to reconnect. But for the most part I have sadly accepted he will continue on this path for the rest of his life... in and out of jail,rehabs, periods of sobriety, and then ultimately back to using again. The cycle repeats. It's vicious. It always has been and I'm pretty sure always will be. He has hit his rock bottom. He has lost everything in his life. People say everyone's rock bottom is different. But the only rock bottom left for him is death. And i think about it constantly. The loss of a soul I never knew that was blood.. my family. My big brother.

alterity

"But the only rock bottom left for him is death. "

I know the feeling. Very well.

rissapoop

That's literally all I believe or think of lately. But i do have a glimmer of hope for him sometimes. He is so incredibly intelligent. I'm not saying this because he is my brother. But it's a fact. He can do anything with great talent. Like holy crap is he smart. I wish i could describe his level of intelligence. I hope he one day uses his amazing abilities to get clean and change the world. I know he could do great thngs. This is all I know of him and this is my glimmer of hope...

chicory

I'm sorry about your brother, and for your heartache. It's painful to watch someone you love become lost in addiction.
I hope he decides to get help. People do recover, and i hope he will.
The serenity prayer helps me, in situations like this.

best wishes.

sadsister62

My alcoholic sister was just hospitalized again, they removed her ruptured spleen, due to her chronic drinking. My dad is on his way here to go see her and he will ask me to go with him, and I do not want to go with him. I will, but I don't want to. I haven't seen her since my Mom died in April, sister has been in 2 re-habs and 2 sober living homes since then, and yet... she continues to drink. I obsess over her situation, I become angry, and I worry about her SSOOOO much, but I cannot let her drown me along with her. I have planned her funeral countless times in my mind. I just can't anymore, not that I don't love her, I do, but I can only take care of myself, her grown children and my family. I sometimes feel judged by my other sister like I don't care for her, but that is not the case, I only know that any relationship with alcoholic sister is detrimental to my mental health. So sad that her drinking has done this to our once very close relationship.

Ap052183

My brother also has addiction issues. I don't have much of a relationship with him due to not only sadness but anger as well. Everyone copes the way they need to and whatever you do is ok. How do your parents deal? Do they have a relationship with him?