A Letter To My Addicted Adult Child.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Just adding to what's been shared: At this point, I truly don't know if my adult son continues to use drugs. Since he hasn't lived in our home for quite some time, I'm out of the loop and am better off; I am careful to not dig to find out what he's up to, because if I do, likely, I'll land in a bad place.
It is positive that we get along better than when he was living with us.
Thanks to all of you for sharing your ESH
Wishing you all peace and comfort.
It is positive that we get along better than when he was living with us.
Thanks to all of you for sharing your ESH
Wishing you all peace and comfort.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
This is a forum where people share their experience that "might" help others...
...it is not a scientific forum where we debate the value of methodologies, judge, "argue," site sources and statistics, and try and prove we are right or that somebody else is wrong.
Why are you arguing with somebody who simply shared something that might help some people? What is your agenda, and why won't your drop it? Do you have a pathological need to be right? That might be an addiction too.
Science has not solved alcoholism and addiction, and so many have tried to do it with drugs, research-based methodologies, and other empirical approaches. They've not succeeded.
Ultimately, some alcoholics and addicts find a way to get sober. Most don't, no matter what approach they are taking. Do I have to site this now? Do I have to site my 18 years of experience dealing with alcoholics and addicts on a daily basis including my child, my spouse, and a parent? Do I?
Why are you arguing with somebody who simply shared something that might help some people? What is your agenda, and why won't your drop it? Do you have a pathological need to be right? That might be an addiction too.
Science has not solved alcoholism and addiction, and so many have tried to do it with drugs, research-based methodologies, and other empirical approaches. They've not succeeded.
Ultimately, some alcoholics and addicts find a way to get sober. Most don't, no matter what approach they are taking. Do I have to site this now? Do I have to site my 18 years of experience dealing with alcoholics and addicts on a daily basis including my child, my spouse, and a parent? Do I?
Originally Posted by alterity 
P.S. It would be one thing to say "plenty of anecdotal evidence exists that your loved one will get better" or "I know many families have found this to work" but to say "there is a far greater chance... Almost always, this works" is another thing altogether. I'm just shocked, Morning Glory!
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Join Date: Jun 2015
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"...it is not a scientific forum where we debate the value of methodologies, judge, 'argue,' site sources and statistics, and try and prove we are right or that somebody else is wrong."
I have not debated or argued against the value of the program. Please see exactly what I wrote.
"Why are you arguing with somebody who simply shared something that might help some people? What is your agenda, and why won't your drop it? Do you have a pathological need to be right? That might be an addiction too."
As aforementioned, I expressed my issue with the particular excerpt as potentially dangerous as people tend to take a professional opinion as having "more validity" as compared to a layperson's (therefore being more likely to take such advice). Having recently lost a substance abusing stepbrother to suicide after his father kicked him out of the house upon such a "tough love" approach recommendation, this is extremely important to me. This is also of deep concern as my beloved B facing similar circumstance. There is no need to be so hostile.
"Science has not solved alcoholism and addiction, and so many have tried to do it with drugs, research-based methodologies, and other empirical approaches. They've not succeeded."
No, but there have been strides towards greater understanding especially within the last ten years. This being said, I never never proffered such a grandiose assertion, in any case.
"Ultimately, some alcoholics and addicts find a way to get sober. Most don't, no matter what approach they are taking. Do I have to site this now? Do I have to site my 18 years of experience dealing with alcoholics and addicts on a daily basis including my child, my spouse, and a parent? Do I?"
Again, no idea why such hostility. I think you are angry at a straw man.
I have not debated or argued against the value of the program. Please see exactly what I wrote.
"Why are you arguing with somebody who simply shared something that might help some people? What is your agenda, and why won't your drop it? Do you have a pathological need to be right? That might be an addiction too."
As aforementioned, I expressed my issue with the particular excerpt as potentially dangerous as people tend to take a professional opinion as having "more validity" as compared to a layperson's (therefore being more likely to take such advice). Having recently lost a substance abusing stepbrother to suicide after his father kicked him out of the house upon such a "tough love" approach recommendation, this is extremely important to me. This is also of deep concern as my beloved B facing similar circumstance. There is no need to be so hostile.
"Science has not solved alcoholism and addiction, and so many have tried to do it with drugs, research-based methodologies, and other empirical approaches. They've not succeeded."
No, but there have been strides towards greater understanding especially within the last ten years. This being said, I never never proffered such a grandiose assertion, in any case.
"Ultimately, some alcoholics and addicts find a way to get sober. Most don't, no matter what approach they are taking. Do I have to site this now? Do I have to site my 18 years of experience dealing with alcoholics and addicts on a daily basis including my child, my spouse, and a parent? Do I?"
Again, no idea why such hostility. I think you are angry at a straw man.
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
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This thread was about the pain experienced when having to let go of your child. I could really relate to the mother's pain and fear. It's not about methods or programs and I would bet that the mom's here understand that and when they read it they can relate to the pain.
As a mother of an alcoholic there is nothing anyone could say that would make me throw my child out in the cold. I spent countless of hours for 20 years agonizing and analyzing every possible decision I could make. I put my son out before and didn't let him live with me, but the last time was different. I was watching him drink himself to death in my home after 3 ER visits. He was dying. I had to weigh the risk which was very high with either option. His best chance was to be forced to make a choice to get help. He did. He surrendered and called 911. He got right into a program. It saved his life.
There are no guarantees. No crystal balls. You just make the best choice you can in a horrible situation.
As a mother of an alcoholic there is nothing anyone could say that would make me throw my child out in the cold. I spent countless of hours for 20 years agonizing and analyzing every possible decision I could make. I put my son out before and didn't let him live with me, but the last time was different. I was watching him drink himself to death in my home after 3 ER visits. He was dying. I had to weigh the risk which was very high with either option. His best chance was to be forced to make a choice to get help. He did. He surrendered and called 911. He got right into a program. It saved his life.
There are no guarantees. No crystal balls. You just make the best choice you can in a horrible situation.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
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I think that's pretty obvious, Morning Glory. I think everyone is completely missing my point. I am writing about the extraordinary pain of a parent (a father can love his son as much as a mother) losing his child to suicide after kicking him out upon "professional" advice and having to say goodbye in a metaphorical sense. As aforementioned, I was looking for that letter as I remember it from when it was posted previously because I wanted to send it to my father's wife. Of course, I first deleted the excerpt at issue because of the overwhelming guilt she and her ex-husband feel. She appreciated the letter very much so I thank you again for posting it.
Maybe I haven't been clear. My stepbrother killed himself a couple of weeks ago upon being kicked out of his home. I am a tad sensitive about this subject at the moment and the hostility is unwarranted. I have been very exacting in my choice of words in discussing the particular part of this letter. I have not cast aspersions on the letter as a whole or even on any methodologies, but that straw man argument keeps popping up.
Anyway, the recent funeral was, as discussed in one of my threads, a practice run for my B, as my family has had to make these exact choices in horrible situations. I myself (as B's "third" parent) have had to face these choices and the fact that there are no guarantees is not lost on me.
Maybe I haven't been clear. My stepbrother killed himself a couple of weeks ago upon being kicked out of his home. I am a tad sensitive about this subject at the moment and the hostility is unwarranted. I have been very exacting in my choice of words in discussing the particular part of this letter. I have not cast aspersions on the letter as a whole or even on any methodologies, but that straw man argument keeps popping up.
Anyway, the recent funeral was, as discussed in one of my threads, a practice run for my B, as my family has had to make these exact choices in horrible situations. I myself (as B's "third" parent) have had to face these choices and the fact that there are no guarantees is not lost on me.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by Morning Glory
There are no guarantees. No crystal balls. You just make the best choice you can in a horrible situation.
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