Drinking himself to death...please help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1
Drinking himself to death...please help.
My brother has had a drinking problem most of his life, it started in his early 20s when he met his first wife, she drank a lot and he starting to drink too. Prior to that he had some depression issues which maybe the real root of this....he's now almost 50 and still having the same problem, so here's the story....I'll try to make it as short as possible.
My brother is biologically/technically my cousin, he was taken in by my parents when he ran away when he was 13, his biological parents beat him, and neglected him and his biological siblings in almost everyday possible, feeding them hotdogs and dog food, only allowing them to drink water from a water hose outside and using soap to brush their teeth....just because they are sick people. His parents called the police and said my parents kidnapped him so they had him live with a neighbor for 2 years, basically inside 24/7 so they wouldn't find him. His mother went to Mexico just to have him there so he wouldn't be an American citizen, they're not even Mexican. He still has not been able to finalize his citizenship because of that, he was raised his whole life in the USA, not Mexican, and has no papers. When one of his brothers committed suicide when he was 18 he began having serious depression issues, he was 21 at the time and just married...four years later he divorced because she cheated on him, he had with 2 children and was clean from heavy drinking for a couple years, he then began again....it's basically been on and off since then, he now has one more child, only 9 and with an amazing woman, he has not married due to insecurities we believe, he knows he has a problem, has seeked help, my parents, my biological siblings and basically everyone in my family loves and supports him, we all talk to him and pray for him everyday, he has gone to many different AA meetings, churches (all Christian or catholic), joined different recovery groups, has tried different medical recovery programs, has spoke with psychologists and Psychiatrists about his problems.....he will be clean for a while, (3mo. To a year)then it'll start by drinking after work and he tries to keep it secret but we all know about it.....he's a bright, great, kind person and always helps others when he can....he just can't help himself. He had a horrible relapse today, one of the worst in a long time...I don't know what to do. I wish we could all move to a small island where he can't get any alcohol, I'd do anything for my brother, I need help to help him. If there's something I don't know about please let me know, I don't want to loose my brother. I'm only 24, my whole life I've seen his struggle, I don't want to anymore.
My brother is biologically/technically my cousin, he was taken in by my parents when he ran away when he was 13, his biological parents beat him, and neglected him and his biological siblings in almost everyday possible, feeding them hotdogs and dog food, only allowing them to drink water from a water hose outside and using soap to brush their teeth....just because they are sick people. His parents called the police and said my parents kidnapped him so they had him live with a neighbor for 2 years, basically inside 24/7 so they wouldn't find him. His mother went to Mexico just to have him there so he wouldn't be an American citizen, they're not even Mexican. He still has not been able to finalize his citizenship because of that, he was raised his whole life in the USA, not Mexican, and has no papers. When one of his brothers committed suicide when he was 18 he began having serious depression issues, he was 21 at the time and just married...four years later he divorced because she cheated on him, he had with 2 children and was clean from heavy drinking for a couple years, he then began again....it's basically been on and off since then, he now has one more child, only 9 and with an amazing woman, he has not married due to insecurities we believe, he knows he has a problem, has seeked help, my parents, my biological siblings and basically everyone in my family loves and supports him, we all talk to him and pray for him everyday, he has gone to many different AA meetings, churches (all Christian or catholic), joined different recovery groups, has tried different medical recovery programs, has spoke with psychologists and Psychiatrists about his problems.....he will be clean for a while, (3mo. To a year)then it'll start by drinking after work and he tries to keep it secret but we all know about it.....he's a bright, great, kind person and always helps others when he can....he just can't help himself. He had a horrible relapse today, one of the worst in a long time...I don't know what to do. I wish we could all move to a small island where he can't get any alcohol, I'd do anything for my brother, I need help to help him. If there's something I don't know about please let me know, I don't want to loose my brother. I'm only 24, my whole life I've seen his struggle, I don't want to anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
Hi Berretta. My heart breaks for you because I know how badly you want to save him. Until he wants to save himself though, there is really nothing you can do. When he gets sick of this way of life, he will commit to sobriety. If you spend enough time with him, maybe you can go with to some open AA meetings, or give him the Sober Recovery website info.nsomething may click if he knows he's not alone. Best wishes to you.
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Welcome Berreta
Your brother's story is heartbreaking. It would be so hard to cope with all the trauma he has been through. I often thought that drinking may have been the coping method that actually kept my son alive until he was able to quit drinking recently and cope in a different way.
I would suggest a trauma specialist for your brother. Normal therapists and psychiatrists don't specialize in trauma. It can make all the difference if he is willing to go. I also think hypnotism may have helped my son resolve some of his past trauma. It's not something I would have thought helpful, but I think it did help him. Before my son quit drinking he attended an anger management class with a really good counselor who told him exactly why he behaved the way he did. He had my son squirming with no way to make excuses. He also attended a rehab, and received help through hypnotism in the same time period. I don't know what helped, but something did. He has been sober for about 1 1/2 years which is still a relatively short period of time and he still needs more counseling to deal with ADHD and other issues. He was literally drinking himself to death before that. I was planning his funeral.
You also need support and need to focus on your needs. It is really, really hard to cope with a loved one's addiction. We are here for you.
Your brother's story is heartbreaking. It would be so hard to cope with all the trauma he has been through. I often thought that drinking may have been the coping method that actually kept my son alive until he was able to quit drinking recently and cope in a different way.
I would suggest a trauma specialist for your brother. Normal therapists and psychiatrists don't specialize in trauma. It can make all the difference if he is willing to go. I also think hypnotism may have helped my son resolve some of his past trauma. It's not something I would have thought helpful, but I think it did help him. Before my son quit drinking he attended an anger management class with a really good counselor who told him exactly why he behaved the way he did. He had my son squirming with no way to make excuses. He also attended a rehab, and received help through hypnotism in the same time period. I don't know what helped, but something did. He has been sober for about 1 1/2 years which is still a relatively short period of time and he still needs more counseling to deal with ADHD and other issues. He was literally drinking himself to death before that. I was planning his funeral.
You also need support and need to focus on your needs. It is really, really hard to cope with a loved one's addiction. We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 16
Oh my heart aches for you. To watch someone you love struggle like this....it's unbearable. He has been through so much and it is just his way of self-medicating himself so he doesn't have to think. Saying a prayers for your brother today....
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Denver CO
Posts: 59
Just be there for your brother, and take calls anytime day or night. I know I drank out of loneliness. My mother used to take my calls any time of day or night and she would drive 20 miles in the middle of the night because I drank to much just to so I could talk to someone. But, my mother passed away and I have to deal with life pressures on my own now.
I had a friend commit suicide and it does impact those around . Alcohol is a tough thing to beat, I would quit for 2 yrs and then drink, but it takes commitment on the person addicted to finally say enough. My husband would get angry with me, but I would drink, I was the one to finally quit putting the bottle to my mouth.
Trauma from the past is hard, and a person has to change the way they think about a past event. It took finding a good psychiatrist for me to help deal with my past
taylor
I had a friend commit suicide and it does impact those around . Alcohol is a tough thing to beat, I would quit for 2 yrs and then drink, but it takes commitment on the person addicted to finally say enough. My husband would get angry with me, but I would drink, I was the one to finally quit putting the bottle to my mouth.
Trauma from the past is hard, and a person has to change the way they think about a past event. It took finding a good psychiatrist for me to help deal with my past
taylor
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