Visiting my AS in Jail tonight

Old 05-13-2015, 04:25 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Visiting my AS in Jail tonight

Going to go see my son in jail tonight. Although we speak frequently on the phone, it will be the first time I have physically seen him in over 2 months.

My husband went last week while I stayed home with our GD (my son's little girl). My turn this week.

Mixed feelings for sure. Up until this morning, I told my husband to go ahead and take my turn. Decided this morning that I will go see him. I know from past experience that seeing him clean and sober (and about 25 lbs heavier) will be wonderful. He bounces back physically unbelievably quickly when abstaining. While it definitely does my heart good to see him looking (and sounding) so much better, it also triggers other feelings. It makes me sentimental, nostalgic, hopeful.......and triggers some "codie" thoughts.

Going to try and keep focused in the here and now during our visit, and just enjoy seeing him........while trying to take nothing else out of it.

WWD
Whitewingeddove is offline  
Old 05-13-2015, 04:32 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning, WWD,

I'm glad that you will be able to see your son clean and sober, even if it may only be because he is in prison. I understand completely the desire to think hopeful thoughts about the future when our addicted children are sober.

We never visited my stepson during any of his prison or jail stints. He requested that we not, and we respected that request.

Enjoy the time with your son! I think just keeping your mind in the 'here and now' is a great plan.

Good luck!
Seren is offline  
Old 05-14-2015, 05:58 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Did you visit go well, Whitewingeddove? I hope that you had a good time talking to your son!
Seren is offline  
Old 05-15-2015, 04:13 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by Seren View Post
Did you visit go well, Whitewingeddove? I hope that you had a good time talking to your son!
I did. Thanks for checking in. I'm actually going to see him again today as the rehab has a bed open for him and the judge signed the order striking his "hold without bail". I will be picking him up and transporting him to rehab in a couple of hours.

This will be trip #8 to rehab...8 stays at 23 years old...I hope he makes it stick this time. But know that's not up to me. I'll be bringing his 2 year old daughter with me as she hasn't seen her daddy in over a month. He misses her terribly. So much on the line right now. Facing a revocation of his probation possibly and an underlying 3-7 year sentence. Dept of children and family svcs are involved, moms currently in rehab, we have conditional custody of our gd right now.

His next criminal court date isn't until the end of June. I expect he will only be in rehab for 2 weeks (damn insurance) and then back to jail to await a decision on his vop.

Whoops...here I go..." Future tripping" again...breathe...back to today....
Whitewingeddove is offline  
Old 05-15-2015, 04:19 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Yes....today.

Snacks and bag for toddler, diapers, etc?
Car seat all set?
Map or GPS?

I hope all goes well today...try not to think about anything beyond that. Just now, today. I hope you have a safe drive and that your beautiful granddaughter will nap in the car seat on the way home!
Seren is offline  
Old 05-15-2015, 04:24 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Thank you doesn't quite cover it...just hoping to get my shower in before she wakes up, lol! Enjoy your day!
Whitewingeddove is offline  
Old 05-15-2015, 04:29 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
...Thank you! and I hope your day goes as smoothly and peacefully as possible
Seren is offline  
Old 05-15-2015, 04:43 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
chicory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Whitewingdove.. Enjoy the happiness that you can find today.. we are not promised tomorrow.
chicory is offline  
Old 05-15-2015, 10:34 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Picked up and delivered. I feel like Fed Ex!
Granddaughter down for a nap. Some me time on the porch... The housework/laundry can wait...
Whitewingeddove is offline  
Old 05-15-2015, 06:48 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Whitewing, here in California, rehab is usually at county's expense when it's court ordered. Why does his or your insurance have to cover it? IN LA most court ordered rehabs is for at least a minimum of 3 months. Can you ask court for that? Usually ordering rehab is part of final sentencing., which is usually with a joint suspension, which is why it winds up tripling when they violate. I don't understand why 2 weeks in rehab on your insurance. Sometimes jail is the best rehab. At least you know he is safe. Although it's always kind of hard to deal with, having my AS in jail did give me a sigh of relief on many levels, because it would keep him alive and safe for that much longer. It also helped me get more restful nights and allowed me to live without worry.

If you feel obliged to provide rehab instead of jail you may want to figure out why. Hard as it sounds, many addicts do finally get it when they go to jail and get sick and tired of doing so.
I'm sure caring for your GD is tiring, but you are giving her such a stable and healthy environment for now and get to enjoy her.
vaya is offline  
Old 05-17-2015, 03:53 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
His rehab is not court ordered. He was on a hold without bail order pending his next court date at the end of June. The judge struck the order to allow him to attend rehab. On release from rehab he has to return to court for a decision on what to do with him between release and his vop sentencing.

While in rehab he will also be pursuing possible sober living facilities. He will have more phone access and a caseworker to assist than while incarcerated. The two in our area will not accept him due to his original offense being a violent felony. His robbery at 18 five years ago was with a broken bb gun, but in the eyes of the law, that is not a factor, it is still as "listed" offense.

He is in hopes he will find a facility in another area of the state that will accept him, and that the judge will consider that in lieu of revoking his probation and ordering him to serve his underlying sentence of 3-7 years.

I am in agreement that jail is sometimes the thing that saves someone's life. The thought has crossed my mind more than once. However, due to the current situation with our gd being in our legal custody, our son in jail, and mom being in rehab, it brings a whole other set of concerns. If mom is unsuccessful over the next few months getting it together, DCF will seek permanency for our gd. This could result in a TPR of both parents parental rights. I've been told my son could argue that he has cleaned up and turned his life around (if he indeed does) but that argument will likely not hold up if he is serving a lengthy sentence and therefore is unable to parent, regardless of his sobriety.

Best case scenario in the above w9uld be
Whitewingeddove is offline  
Old 05-17-2015, 04:21 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by Whitewingeddove View Post
His rehab is not court ordered. He was on a hold without bail order pending his next court date at the end of June. The judge struck the order to allow him to attend rehab. On release from rehab he has to return to court for a decision on what to do with him between release and his vop sentencing.

While in rehab he will also be pursuing possible sober living facilities. He will have more phone access and a caseworker to assist than while incarcerated. The two in our area will not accept him due to his original offense being a violent felony. His robbery at 18 five years ago was with a broken bb gun, but in the eyes of the law, that is not a factor, it is still as "listed" offense.

He is in hopes he will find a facility in another area of the state that will accept him, and that the judge will consider that in lieu of revoking his probation and ordering him to serve his underlying sentence of 3-7 years.

I am in agreement that jail is sometimes the thing that saves someone's life. The thought has crossed my mind more than once. However, due to the current situation with our gd being in our legal custody, our son in jail, and mom being in rehab, it brings a whole other set of concerns. If mom is unsuccessful over the next few months getting it together, DCF will seek permanency for our gd. This could result in a TPR of both parents parental rights. I've been told my son could argue that he has cleaned up and turned his life around (if he indeed does) but that argument will likely not hold up if he is serving a lengthy sentence and therefore is unable to parent, regardless of his sobriety.

Best case scenario in the above w9uld be
My tablet locked up so I was unable to edit within the allotted 15 minutes:

Best case scenario in above would be that we are awarded permanent custody of our gd.

A much worse scenario is our biggest fear. One where mom gets it together just long enough to get her back only to disappear into the dark world of addiction once again, taking our dear gd with her. Not feeling very optimistic about mom's prognosis long term. She was orphaned pre teen years as both parents died from their active addictions. Her mom overdosed 3 days after DCF removed her and her siblings from the home.. She was bounced around to different foster homes and has much trauma from her childhood and emotional issues which began long before her addiction.

Breathe, WWD, breathe...
Whitewingeddove is offline  
Old 05-17-2015, 05:43 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
CodeJob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Praying for the best outcome for all here Whitewingdove.

Take care and take those quiet moments when you can!
CodeJob is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:20 AM.