sadsister62

So, my codie mom called this morning, asking me to once again bring up re-hab info for adult alcoholic sister. Mom has end-stage cancer, has about 4 wks, she was diagnosed in Sept, and that's when I moved heaven and earth trying to get my sister out of my parents' home. My mom thought that with her diagnosis AS would willingly admit herself into a program. I was successful in getting AS to an assessment where the county recommended out-patient care, which AS sometimes went to. Anyway, I was told to drop all efforts at getting AS out of the house. At that point, I got a therapist for myself, detached partially from parents, and completely from AS. Tomorrow sober brother and I are going up to there place 100 miles away in the woods to meet with hospice and some of the family. I don't want to deal with AS AT ALL! Now is so late, AS probably won't be admitted to a program for months, and I am trying to save whats left of my sanity for my mother's care. AAARRRRRRGGGGG! Like I has said in other posts, dealing with my mom dying is bad enough, but throw in thw AS, my Dad's bad health, and the distance they live from here and the nearest town... Have info on 2 re-habs that are free, but just having to go through all this AGAIN is so maddening!

Morning Glory

I'm really sorry sadsister.

Can you just tell your mom your sister is on a waiting list?

I tell my Mom things that aren't quite true just to give her peace at this stage in her life.

sadsister62

My sober sister suggested that I just hand over the LOADS of paperwork to AS in front of Mom and Dad, and tell her that she can get her outpatient counselor to help her with it, or to call social services in their county and maybe they can help her. I don't have anything left in me for dealing with this again and am handing it over to HP. If my sober sibs want to help her, that is fine with me, but I choose to support my Mom and Dad at this point. The suggestion of stretching the truth is a good one as Mom has so little time left. I am hoping that if AS has her counselor help her, maybe things will happen a little sooner that later. That and she has a taillight out on her car and the sheriff has been notified of her possible drinking and driving. THAT would put the ball in the county's hands, one that I would like to see happen as I believe with her prior DUI she might be court-ordered to in house treatment!

GardenMama

Here's hoping for a minor traffic violation stop where no one gets hurt and she gets breathalized...It sounds like handing over the task to your AS or other siblings is a good idea. Focus on yourself and how you can best help your mom & dad. Hang in there!

greeteachday

Agree with all the above. I'm glad you are focusing on your parents. Such a difficult time without adding addiction to the mix. Send good thoughts and prayers your way.

Seren

Sending many hugs and prayers for your Mom, Dad and you over the coming days and weeks. I can only just begin to imagine how hard this must be. Hopefully with your other siblings in tow, you will be able to spend as little time as possible with your alcoholic sister. Please take good care!

sadsister62

So, hospice came out for initial interview with family, I was waiting for parents to mention that AS lived with them and her situation. NOTHING! SOOOOO, I asked if hospice would supply a lock box for the drugs my mom will be using as there was an active alcoholic in the house. Wow, they weren't even going to tell those folks what they would be walking into...At one point, I took one of the social workers aside and briefly explained what I thought was crucial info for them. After they left I e-mailed hospice a more complete profile of the situation, and then our case worker called me back to reassure me that what I had told them was ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do! As far as the lock box, I realize that if AS wants something in there, she will get it, she just has to ask my mom and it will be given to her. Oh well...no action on the sheriff front, just keep praying that HP is working on it for us. I know with out a doubt that the increase in people and hospice is going to send AS spiraling, so watching for that and if/when she lashes out I will call sheriff. My mom was asking why all of the re-habs had to be so far away and why they had to be so long in the time of treatment, so sad ..I am doing ok for now, so, thanks, friends, for prayers, and advise.

sadsister62

Oh, forgot! If hospice believes that AS is a danger or that she is detrimental in any aspect, hospice has resources to help AS move on!!!!

GardenMama

That is great news about hospice and a great move on your part to tell them about your AS. Way to use your resources! I have seen and learned lately that we family members are not always the best kind of social workers... Thank goodness for social service agencies, every single one!

Morning Glory

It's really good there will others helping you keep an eye on things.

I'm really sad your mom has to go through this in her condition.
I'm so glad you're there for her. She is fortunate to have you.

sadsister62

AS was drinking ALL night, and by the time my aunties came over to help with my mom, AS was PLAsTERED! OK,kept my mouth shut, had lots of company and didn't want the drama. Then, I went to bed and could smell cigarette smoke rolling thru the house and I went down to confront her,There are oxygen tanks all over! Mom is coughing up blood! So, now that my folks are in physical danger, I can start proceedings on elder abuse, maybe committ her for a psych eval, or keep calling the sheriff every time she gets in her car as AS is drinking round the clock! SOOOOO HARD!!!!

Morning Glory

Here is the link to Adult Protective Services

Adult Protective Services

I think getting them involved would be helpful.
I'm sorry you have to deal with all this drama on top of your mom dying.

sadsister62

Yep, called sheriff again and he is also going to call the sheriff in the county where she works. I emailed my mom's social workers with hospice, I assume they are mandated to report elder abuse, but I haven't heard back from them yet, AND I left the phone number to aging and disability agency in my folks' county fr my sister to call and get something going there,too. I told AS months ago what I was going to do if she didn't follow thru and that time has come and I am not going to sweep this under the carpet anymore. I am scared of her behavior. My parents and anyone else are at risk now. "I am working on a plan!" Quack! "I need more time" Quack! "You're rushing me" QUACK! AS is a criminal, no 2 ways about it, gets too drunk to think about the danger she is putting everyone in!

Jaeger

Sadsister,

I just wanted to tell you how lucky your parents are to have you! I know that none of the steps you have taken were probably easy but you did it out of concern for them. You are a great daughter!

Jaeger