Maintaining Your Sanity Through Ups And Downs - Periods of "Not Knowing" . . . etc.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Seek, My son is 24. He was missing for months at a time and I was super detective, looking on Facebook, counting his "friend" counts to see if/when he added or deleted and I obsessively checked the Who's in Jail pages. I did this every day and it consumed me. I also get the "feeling" when I believe JJ is actively using. I never get any "feelings" about my other kids. I don't have any good advice other than you have to accept that your grandson is 22 and a man. He may or may not make good choices, but he must learn to be accountable. My son always told me when he didn't respond to me or reach out, he was using and did not want to stop. He always reaches out when he wants to stop. Sending hugs and best wishes. Take the message from your grandsons friend as your sign to stop worrying.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
My 22 year old daughter has been out of contact for 2 months...before that 7...before that 15...I do leave a message on fb with my phone # and I tell her i love her...and then I leave it at that now...doing much better since the June cut contact (she is the one who does it). I like the statement about being out of contact pushes detachment....hadn't thought of it that way...but without detachment...I would be far worse than I am today...which isn't great...but working on my own recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by Morning Glory 
Acceptance helps us make peace with reality.
When we have difficulty with acceptance we are really trying to resist what is real.
We are resisting something we don't want to be real. That's why it feels unacceptable.
My mother has Alzheimer's. I don't want that to be real and I can't change it.
My son is an alcoholic. I don't want that to be real and I can't change it.
My grandson has had migraines daily for his entire life. I don't want that to be real and I can't change it.
My resistance to reality brings emotional pain, anger, frustration, depression, hopelessness, etc...
Acceptance brings peace. I accept that it's real and I can't change it.
Acceptance is a process. Letting go is letting go of my resistance.
Awareness (What's real?)
Acceptance ( It's real and I can't change it.)
Action (I'm going out for ice cream)
When we have difficulty with acceptance we are really trying to resist what is real.
We are resisting something we don't want to be real. That's why it feels unacceptable.
My mother has Alzheimer's. I don't want that to be real and I can't change it.
My son is an alcoholic. I don't want that to be real and I can't change it.
My grandson has had migraines daily for his entire life. I don't want that to be real and I can't change it.
My resistance to reality brings emotional pain, anger, frustration, depression, hopelessness, etc...
Acceptance brings peace. I accept that it's real and I can't change it.
Acceptance is a process. Letting go is letting go of my resistance.
Awareness (What's real?)
Acceptance ( It's real and I can't change it.)
Action (I'm going out for ice cream)
Kari
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by irisgardens
I like the statement about being out of contact pushes detachment....hadn't thought of it that way...but without detachment...I would be far worse than I am today...which isn't great...but working on my own recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Just a thought about your grandson's migraines. My daughter suffered from migraines for years. Also stomach problems. Her co-worker told her to try cutting out gluten and she hasn't had either problem since. It has made her feel so much better. In case that isn't something your grandson has tried, you might want to have him try it.
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