Morning Glory

My son is having another baby. It's a girl. She will probably be born on Friday. She has a Sacrococcygeal Teratoma (SCT) mass and will probably need surgery shortly after she is born. It's a small mass so it shouldn't be life threatening.

I've been to 2 of my son's baby births and both were a total nightmare so I won't be going this time. Childbirth is a real trigger for him to start drinking again. I hope he makes it through this one sober.

The first 2 were taken to other states by their moms and I never got to see them again. It really broke my heart. Now I just feel numb inside when he has a new child. I wish it wasn't that way, but it's just an automatic protection reaction I guess. When his 3rd child got rushed away to another state it didn't hurt so much. I do get to see him now and then though because they are still together and this child will also be with the same mother.

So here we go again and I just can't feel anything.

allforcnm

I started to write and what I want to say just isn't coming out right.. I feel sad that your not able to see your grandbabies, and I can understand the numbness you must feel with the new arrival. I will send ^^ a prayer hoping that the delivery goes well, and your new little grandbaby is healthy; the SCT will be resolved soon. Your an amazing woman, and I hope the baby's mom will do her best to incorporate you into their life.

Blessings to the new little one.. coming soon... going to be close between being a February or March baby.

irisgardens

Oh, MG--the numbness based on previous experience sounds so like the place anyone would be. I am praying for a healthy delivery, birth and surgery...and that you will be able to see this grandchild as well as the 3rd.

The relapses are so hard to take...and especially as they often come around moments that are supposed to be beautiful, but are broken because of it.

I can't articulate how my heart is reaching out and putting arms of love and care around you...so just saying it the best way I can.

Your posts help me so immensely...I deal with alcoholics too...and it isn't pretty.

greeteachday

Because of so many unexpected deaths to loved ones who are too young to die in my view, I have developed the same kind of numbness about death that you express about births of your son's children. I do think it is a form of self protection. I'm so sorry and sad for you that because of life circumstances you can't participate in this as a joyful occasion, MG. I pray your son is not triggered and the baby is healthy. Lots of love and prayers.

GardenMama

MG, I am not sure what to say, either, except that I understand well that feeling of numbness that is related to loss. My daughter is expecting her first baby, and my first grandchild (I can hardly even TYPE that), this summer and all I feel right now is numb. You have been through much more than I have, so take it easy on how you are feeling right now. And I am glad to hear you are protecting yourself from some of the craziness of the event, even if it is painful in some ways to opt out of being there. BIG HUG to you.

Ilovemysonjj

The hole in our hearts is so hard to face, the numbness is our way to cope. I am sending prayers that the delivery goes well and that your granddaughter receives the best medical attention for her needs. I also pray you find peace and that a bit of comfort to your aching heart. I understand that numbness. I haven't had any experience with grand kids but they are the innocents in our lives.
Hugs,
TT

Twofour

Share the numbness for sure. Babies so innocent. So sorry you are not going to be able to be there. No addional stress needed for sure. That is when I know I have some faith that babies can grow and develop inside of us. Lately I have to remind myself about a higher source. There is hope in birth. I hope it all goes well. Thinking about you.

Morning Glory

Thank you all for the encouragement and prayers.

Dee74

I'm sad too that this can't be the joyful occasion it should be MG

D

cece1960

Oh MG, I too have developed a numbness that I didn't have before. I do think it is self protective.
Keep in mind that the baby hasn't a clue who is there and who is not. The being present is for us, and for family, and that just isn't practical right now.
I and many others here will be sending thoughts and prayers that all goes well, so in a way she has a whole army rooting for her.

Lovenjoy

my heart just broke for you MG when i read this... i too am sad this can't be the happy occasion it is meant to be.

you and all your grandbabies, and your son, will remain on my heart and in my prayers.

i've had many feelings and thoughts about this over the past few days. please know how loved and valued you are by us here.

your post is another example of how untrue the addict's position that they only hurt themselves is...

Morning Glory

Thank you

The birth was postponed until March so no baby yet.

irisgardens

still praying

seek

Morning Glory: I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you. Take good care of yourself. Good thoughts to you and the new baby.

Ann

My prayers go out for a lovely healthy baby, MG, who is already blessed to have a grandma like you.

I too lost my grandbabies when their mamas left my son and know your sadness and also your caution or numbness.

The thing is, babies just grab our hearts and own it and whether it is for a short time or a long time, that love we feel is worth whatever may (or may not) follow.

Hugs to you and extra hugs for the baby.

Morning Glory

Thanks Ann. I always think of you when I go through this.
I know you understand.

Impurrfect

Prayers going up for your grandbaby and all involved. I get the hesitation to be involved, but I do pray that all works out for all of you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Hevyn

You have my prayers too MG. We look forward to hearing the good news that everything is alright.