Stuck between rock and hard place

Old 02-16-2015, 07:12 PM
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Think 2 nd son thinks he's helping if doing with....does that make any sense.?
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:13 PM
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awww rosie, i'm so sorry. i well know that sick feeling... you're smart to process it for yourself.

do they know you know? i have found it just gets crazy to talk to my son when he's high but sometimes i can't help myself.

breath... in, out... breath...

i just pray in the moment 'please guide me now'... and then breath...

we're here for you.
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:16 PM
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That's where I am. I was going to talk but my little guy is here so I can't. Not in front of him. It's too much. And one or two more days for me to have a plan to breath. My god it doesn't stop. I need to have a plan. Have two kids in rehab
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:18 PM
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When you say Perc's? Are you talking about Percocets?

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Old 02-16-2015, 07:21 PM
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can you call someone and get into counseling for you? truly, dealing with this is so traumatic for us. i worried so much about my son that i allowed myself to get very ill. i've been doing therapy for awhile now and it is a god send.

i do it for my own sanity but it is helping the situation a lot and mostly has helped me be able to be available and healthier for my young granddaughter. it might help you find solid ground for yourself and your youngest too?

p.s. when i decided to get counseling it was suggested i look for a psychologist, by people here, and that's what i did. and he's awesome and i go weekly and i am helped greatly.....
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Tiredofdrugs View Post
When you say Perc's? Are you talking about Percocets?

TOD
Yes they snort them.
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Lovenjoy View Post
can you call someone and get into counseling for you? truly, dealing with this is so traumatic for us. i worried so much about my son that i allowed myself to get very ill. i've been doing therapy for awhile now and it is a god send.

i do it for my own sanity but it is helping the situation a lot and mostly has helped me be able to be available and healthier for my young granddaughter. it might help you find solid ground for yourself and your youngest too?

p.s. when i decided to get counseling it was suggested i look for a psychologist, by people here, and that's what i did. and he's awesome and i go weekly and i am helped greatly.....
I have gotten pretty sick myself. I am starting with a counselor this week. I know I need help now more than ever. My little guy needs me. I need to be functional for him and me
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:44 PM
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I know that I need boundaries but didn't know I was dealing with both kids but I guess I really did. Still think second boy thinks he is helping his older brother in some way. He doesn't know his brother was using every day. Woke up and started using. I have been trying to teach about helping his brother He was mad when he relapsed. Oh god I'm rambling about crap. Crap that I am here. Crap that I don't know what to do. I'm a mom. Why don't I now what to do. I'm suppose to know
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:45 PM
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The reason I was asking is because that's what I took back in the 80's. They are considered a wuss drug in the opiate world. A lightweight pain med in other words. Early on in using drugs they give ya a good buzz, but later on they aren't as strong and the user will usually find stronger stuff to use.

Maybe write down some names of where meetings are at and some phone numbers? Put it where they'll see. You won't have to say a word! They'll KNOW you KNOW!

TOD
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:49 PM
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I will do it. Good point. And yes my son said it was fun at college for few months on weekends but quickly climbed to a daily use once started snorting.
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:49 PM
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I'm going to bed. I have to find a way to sleep and get my butt to work. Thank you all.
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:50 PM
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There's nothing you can do it about it tonight! Get some sleep!

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Old 02-16-2015, 07:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Tiredofdrugs View Post
The reason I was asking is because that's what I took back in the 80's. They are considered a wuss drug in the opiate world. A lightweight pain med in other words. Early on in using drugs they give ya a good buzz, but later on they aren't as strong and the user will usually find stronger stuff to use.

Maybe write down some names of where meetings are at and some phone numbers? Put it where they'll see. You won't have to say a word! They'll KNOW you KNOW!

TOD
Thank you and. I will. Thanks for taking time to post
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Old 02-16-2015, 07:58 PM
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this is not something we could ever know how to deal with. it is removed from the reality of the life we were prepared to help our children live so none of us know what to do until we are faced with it. then we each learn what we need to in order to live with the new reality...

SR is where i got my education on ways to deal with this... we start collecting our tools - SR, alanon, therapy, readings, trusted friends and family - and as i learn more about addiction from living with my ras i have been blessed with how to stay in my own space and not let his problem tear me apart. anymore. it's taken awhile.

i was thinking the other day how when my son is using his window on the world gets really small. and when he's working recovery it gets bigger - more communication, more activities, more interests.

and then i realized that it is a good way for me to know if i am taking good care of myself. because when i allow my self to look at the whole picture, my life and the family, and work community, and neighbors and my own interests then i know i'm taking care of myself. but if i'm just worried about him the window gets small and tight and dark and i can't function. so anyway - i try everyday to look out further than the problem by self care. and then i can breath easier and see ways to move the situation forward.
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Old 02-17-2015, 04:35 AM
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Hi Rosie,

How are you feeling today? Don't worry about not 'getting it' fast enough of not feeling like you are as strong as other people. Having a child who is an addict is very difficult, and unlike a romantic relationship, you can't divorce or break up with a child--even an adult child.

I know I used to wonder if my stepson was drinking/using or not, tried to look for clues, tried to understand it all--play detective. The only thing that ever did for me was to make me crazy. I think for me it just came down to "what is acceptable behavior around me". Then my husband and I discussed boundaries to protect ourselves. Our boundaries are not so that we can impact his behavior in any way, they are just to protect us. He absolutely pitched a fit at first, but he has grown to accept them, and we consistently enforce them.

We weren't perfect at this right away It takes time, and it takes practice. We will talk to my stepson, and we always let him know that we love him. We just won't tolerate being swindled, or being threatened, or being guilt-tripped into giving him what he wants (money, phone, apartment, whatever).

Sadly, someday, we won't be around any longer to clean up after his messes or rescue him from his own choices. He will have to learn how to deal with those things on his own--like any other adult in this world.

Sending hugs, Rosie!!! I know it's hard
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Old 02-17-2015, 10:51 AM
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rosie...again...so sorry for what you are going through...I actually understand when you say we know but we don't know...and until we can bring it into our true awareness or find it as you did...I say 'we' but mean 'me'--I don't 'know' in the fullest meaning of the word.

so glad you are starting with a counselor...like lovenjoy...i got very sick and it sounds as if you are there now...and having that support can make all the difference...and it can still take a long time to feel better (hoping that I am feeling better...but it has been months now).

please know that you are a wonderful person and mother...and that we are all walking with you--and that, without, SR...I would not have made the progress I am and have made.
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Old 02-17-2015, 10:54 AM
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lovenjoy--thank you for that post...going to copy in my recovery reading folder...about the world of my addict...so small...and when i am not well...mine as well.
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Old 02-17-2015, 02:12 PM
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Praying for you and yours today Rosie.
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Old 02-17-2015, 04:25 PM
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So I have no update. I am still numb. I don't know how to handle two feeding off of each other with addiction under one roof. Talk to them both. Talk to them separate. I have to wait one more day for my counseling session and my youngest to go to his dads for few days .. I am walking around like the walking dead. Literally lost These boys are young and think they can do on own. Oldest saying going to a meeting. Should I have him bring the booklet signed each time. I don't know how to hold him responsible while under my roof. Do inpatient again for both?
My middle son. Need inpatient? He deserves a chance but I know I have to wait for him to ask. Went to Alanon tonight just to hear people speak. No naranon near me tonight. I can't have them running the home. Gotta take charge of my home to protect me and my little one. Oh my God. Where is the higher source. Still can't find
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Old 02-17-2015, 05:33 PM
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How many children do you have, Rosie? Are more than one of them struggling with addiction? Numb is sometimes completely understandable.

Since you are the parent, you pay the rent/mortgage, you get to decide the house rules. House rules are a different thing altogether than boundaries. House rules might include things like: they must either be in school or have a job while living with you. If they have a job, they must contribute to the expenses of running the house, buying groceries, etc. No drugs or drinking in the house, no being drunk or high while in the house....if you are drunk or high when you try to come home, please find someplace else to sleep because it will not be here.

Is this hard? Yep! Yes, very!! Felt like being a big meanie for us, but we had a right to not completely destroy our peace, our sanity, and our finances on the altar of someone else's addiction.

This doesn't come easy--none of it. It's awful. It's hard, and I HATE confrontation--I'm a big wuss. But we were finally motivated by sheer desperation and exhaustion, and a deep longing for peace.

You will find a path that works for you, Rosie! I have faith in you!
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