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Old 02-06-2015, 08:45 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thank you too for this new forum. I was doing ok then started reading some new negative posts and got frozen again, That dark place I fear and don't want to go back to, it consumes me and then the codie tears flow...
Just heard my younger daughter is using Heroin again...what am I going to do with that bit of info? Set a boundary, yes, drug test her, yes or no? She denies it but does admit to drinking again. She has two underage drinking tickets already. I fear a relaspe is around the corner.
I feel safe talking here about this and not ridiculed for being too soft.
Thanks MG for this safe forum.
TF
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Old 02-06-2015, 09:20 PM
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Do whatever you have to do today, TwoFish. That is all we can do. I am sorry to hear about her relapse. I will keep you both in my heart tonight.
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Old 02-06-2015, 10:14 PM
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Glad to see this new forum. TwoFish, sorry to hear about your daughter. My son recently relapsed; it is hard.
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Old 02-07-2015, 03:23 AM
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(((twofish)))

Welcome Rosie... we are here for you.

I am glad for this place. I hope to share more here.

chicory
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:15 AM
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This is "gentle support" for people like me. I find it impossible to get into debates
about what I should be doing, I know what I should stray from or not do. I have
my tools, although they may have become rusty and dull, to help me get through
each day, each hour sometimes.
I can open up here without any fears of tough love. I appreciate the gentle love
TF
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:24 AM
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Hi Twofish;
I just want to send you a hug today.

This has been such a long journey for you and you've come so far.
I hope your younger daughter comes to her senses quickly and stops.
Does she know that you know, or is she hiding it from you?
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:48 AM
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Dear Hawkeye,
She denies it but addiction lies and manipulates the truth. She has admitted
to drinking but not Opiate/heroin use. I'm no Dr but I think she might need
an IOP tune up, sadly and only if she wants it.
I needed that hug this morning...thank you
TF
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Old 02-07-2015, 06:21 AM
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Good Morning, Twofish!

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. My stepson is drinking again, he is also about to be homeless again as well. His brothers tried to help him by bringing him to the town where they live and providing him with a loving and supportive atmosphere with structure and goals. He abused their hospitality, and was drinking in the home of the younger brother where he was living. Once again, his alcoholism is in the driver's seat, and we don't know what will happen next. We hope, at least, that he just doesn't have the money for crack right now...that is an odd hope, now that I type it out.

Hugs to all this morning, S
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Old 02-07-2015, 07:48 AM
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Thanks for starting this new forum. My mother is my alcoholic and though she always seemed to have personality disorders since I was a child, her alcoholism didn't really rear its ugly head until I was an adult. I have attended Alanon although in my area it seems that most of the people who attend Alanon have spouses who are alcoholics and I felt a little out of place, like a "drama queen." I realize that my biggest problem with her addiction is my addiction to it. I give it way too much headspace. I am hoping to set even stronger boundaries and to stop obsessing about her problems and get more focused on my life.
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Old 02-07-2015, 07:50 AM
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Twofish, I found that time of uncertainty to be one that gave me that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm sorry you are at that point right now. It was times like that where I had to pull myself back in and think about right this moment. What was going on right now? The "future tripping" made me miss the moment.

I'm not saying the moment was always so darn good, but when I would think about it and focus on right now, it seemed at least better than all the horrible things I was anticipating. For me, it broke it down to something I could control a bit, rather than what I couldn't. (My daughter)

I really hope today is a good day for you. Here's another cyber hug
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Old 02-07-2015, 08:05 AM
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Thank you MG--safe is so important...I am afraid often of posting because I am very honest...but not always ready to take the 'next right step'...but working towards it. I judge myself as too slow, too stupid, too everything. My family is passive aggressive and I have been too honest with two generations...about feelings and so am again being isolated and this addict...it has taken me to new lows...while the the 1 addict continues with her choices and has cut contact with me (4 times now and for long periods of time)--and the rest of the family--4 kids are living their lives and said that if I can't get happier...they can't be with me. Husband and I having huge issues. Still working on the 'next right step' because that has always been all there is. I am getting new ideas and figuring out things around difficult topics. Mostly focusing on getting up and walking from the severe depressive episode I have been going through since mid september.

praying quite a bit...and in my naranon meeting again (had broken wrist in cast and no support to get driven there).

trying to stay calm.
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Old 02-07-2015, 08:33 AM
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When I saw this new forum had been created, I decided to register. Maybe here I will not be judged, told I'm stuck and can't move forward. And while it's all true, trying walking a mile in someone else's shoes.

My son is an alcoholic, has been for 15 years. He did a short rehab stay in the summer, came back to my home, but quickly resumed drinking. The rules were he could not stay here if he drank, so there was a scene and he left, saying he would never forgive me for 1) teaching him about God and 2) not allowing him to just stay and drink in my home. He told me he would rather die soon and continue drinking. He has broken contact and I am not sure where or how he is. I emailed the one person I thought might know, but she has not opted to answer me. He has been in hospital a number of times over the last five years for detoxing, but returns to hard drinking every time. I feel we are running out of time. He is the same age his dad was when he died from an overdose.
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Old 02-07-2015, 08:43 AM
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Climbing out of the dark place is very hard.
I think my biggest problem is a lack of physical energy. Coping zaps energy and
I don't have that much to begin with.

I know I need to take better care of myself, but I don't have the energy to do it.
If anyone has any energy tips I could sure use the help.
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Old 02-07-2015, 08:51 AM
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Welcome BellaBlue,

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I sat in 3 emergency rooms last summer with my son detoxing. I broke my own boundary and let him live with me for a couple of months so the kids wouldn't be homeless. It got so bad that she and the kids left and I was left with my son in a terrible state. I finally had to put him out. He really wanted to stop drinking, but just couldn't do it. He ended up sleeping at a cemetery and went back to the ER for a 4th visit. They were able to get him right into treatment.

I waited years for him to go back to a rehab. This was his 3rd rehab. They kicked him out of the rehab after 60 days for breaking rules. He has been sober for around 9 months now.

I know how hard no contact is and wondering if they are at least alive.
I hope you hear something soon that will ease your mind.
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Old 02-07-2015, 09:10 AM
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Yes, MorningGlory. In one 24 hour period, we were at 3 ER's and the police had been to our home twice, finally taking him themselves into an ER that kept him for detox. I'm not sure I don't have some level of PTSD.

As to energy, I have very little myself. People tell me don't eat any sugar, alcohol, processed foods, etc. and that will help. It probably does and I try to follow a pale diet, rather loosely though. I do indulge in the ice cream once a week
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Old 02-07-2015, 09:22 AM
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Thank you so much for this new forum. I'm a RA but also deal with family (bio and not) members in the grip of drugs/alcohol... some still actively using/drinking and some not but white knuckle and they're a bit harder for me to deal with actually and, then, family members who are dealing with their loved one's addictions. I appreciated this new sub and will be recommending it to other family members as well as looking forward to learning from others here.
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Old 02-07-2015, 09:36 AM
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I also had the police show up at my door when my son walked out of the ER.
I just hate that. I know I have PTSD, but it's under control for the most part.
I do go into fright mode if my son shows up drinking, but that doesn't happen much anymore since he usually lives a distance away from me.
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Old 02-07-2015, 10:12 AM
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The B vitamins work wonders for energy. Also brisk walks and things to look forward to, even little things like lunch at a favorite restaurant, a new book or magazine or app for your phone, or cleaning out a drawer or a closet.
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Old 02-07-2015, 10:45 AM
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I agree that trying to be sure to supplement with vitamins where needed and also trying to avoid sugar helps a lot with energy. The sugar cycle to me can suck the life out of me. It's really hard for me to break that pattern though - I start my days well and get cravings for sweets in the evening. Something I am working on.

I found that physical activities really help my energy level and my frame of mind. I try to make promises to myself, write them down and check back on what I promised to be sure I stick to it. I guess it's a form of accountability. Little goals each week - For example, I may say this week I'm going to get up a half hour earlier each day and go for a walk or do some yoga (I started that with a small book called A Morning Cup of Yoga that's really simple stretches that just help the body wake up - no yoga experience needed)

My preference is to do things like that first thing in the morning because then it is done and whatever craziness the day may bring won't impact my promise to myself. I also find it starts my day with a feeling of accomplishment that can carryover to a better frame of mind throughout the day. If I ended up with more "me" time later, that's great, but at least if I don't, I kept a commitment to self care.

The other thing I think is really important is sleep. I'm someone who needs 7 or 8 hours, so the challenge for me is to establish a consistent bed time. When I do, I think it makes a difference.
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:09 AM
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Thanks for this new sub forum for family members. I posted a few times in the FF however I felt like it was more oriented for spouses and SOs of addicts. I am a RA myself and I come from a long line of addicts on both sides of my family. In my FOO I have my alcoholic father (died years ago from alcohol related heart attack at age 45), my sister was a drug user (died on 9/11) and my brother who is an active alcoholic on death's door. My grandfather (both sides) were alcoholics, and lots of aunt, uncles, cousins too. Kinda feel like the deck is stacked. Anyway, my primary concern now is for my brother. He had a heart attack in 2013, had 4 stents put in and was told to stop drinking. He continues to drink and his health is failing. Only 60 years old.

Thanks for allowing me to share here!
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