Daughter leaving
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 499
Daughter leaving
Been setting deadlines and ultimatums for a log time now and today was for my daughter to go to a rehab program or leave the house. We been telling her for 2 months the deadline. Now that it is here she is just trying to make me feel bad. "I didn't have a choice to come to California and to just be kicked out of my family's home." "I can't believe you giving me this ultimatum when it's almost my birthday." "I'm vomiting today- who makes someone do something like that when they are vomiting?" "Are you kidding me? I just took a shower and have no makeup on" Just on and on. So I just told her she knew today was the day so start making her plans where she gonna go to today if not with me to rehab. She just said "thanks a lot for kicking my ass to the street."Thanks for everyone listening to me these years. As people keep telling me she will find her way.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Prayers Muunray. Yes let her find out her own way. You were so kind to offer shelter but I learned that when I was sheltering my active addict son, I was not allowing him to experience the consequences of his actions. I have accepted that my son is an addict, from the time he relapses, I try to detach and only offer help to get him into recovery. It helps me to know that my son knows exactly what he needs to do if he wants help. He found his own way (without me getting involved) to rehab and now has near 6 months clean of the strongest recovery I have ever seen from him and Momma had NOTHING to do with it!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
We been telling her for 2 months the deadline.
end of story. seriously, HOW many excuses did she come up with???
4? let's see...
forced to MOVE to Cal, and now being FORCED out - forced because SHE didn't think anyone was serious and she would actually HAVE to take any type of ACTION.
it's almost her birthday - which we presume she has known about for the past two months?
she's throwing up - yes the entire WORLD should come to a halt because SHE has an upset tummy.
she doesn't have any makeup on - nothing really to add here.....that is so beyond irrelevant.
what you are watching is an addict being told NO.
same thing as a toddler having a toy taken away.
pffft. time to grow up young lady............
end of story. seriously, HOW many excuses did she come up with???
4? let's see...
forced to MOVE to Cal, and now being FORCED out - forced because SHE didn't think anyone was serious and she would actually HAVE to take any type of ACTION.
it's almost her birthday - which we presume she has known about for the past two months?
she's throwing up - yes the entire WORLD should come to a halt because SHE has an upset tummy.
she doesn't have any makeup on - nothing really to add here.....that is so beyond irrelevant.
what you are watching is an addict being told NO.
same thing as a toddler having a toy taken away.
pffft. time to grow up young lady............
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Wow...heard some of the same from my addicted stepson. Kind of a similar playbook, n'est ce pas?
So many reasons why everything is always someone else's fault and that the world has it in for him. No clarity that he is the center of all of his problems.
Hopefully, clarity will come soon to your daughter...and my stepson!
So many reasons why everything is always someone else's fault and that the world has it in for him. No clarity that he is the center of all of his problems.
Hopefully, clarity will come soon to your daughter...and my stepson!
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by Seren 
Hopefully, clarity will come soon to your daughter...and my stepson!
My son does much better now that he is accountable for himself, his behavior, etc.; over time, life can become better for all involved. When she has a meltdown, keep in mind that you are
taking steps in a positive direction and that is what counts. Praying for your daughter's safety and that she becomes committed to seeking recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 499
Thanks everyone for checking in with me. Currently my daughter decided she should go to Michigan to see a concert so she left - don't ask me how she got the money. Then supposed to return to California. I have reminded her she cannot return here.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Originally Posted by Muunray
Feel bad saying it but glad she is not here with her problems and hopefully she finds some insight there.
You are entitled, though, to your own peaceful life.
The decision lies squarely with your daughter to find sobriety, recovery and her path in life.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Best wishes to you and your family, Muunray. I know it's not easy.
It is helpful for me to embrace hope, faith, and love.
I was going to add "tough love" to those but instead, I want to continue to focus on making and keeping boundaries; framing it that way fits better for me. That way, I'm more focused on what my goals and limits are, what I need to do in my life, what I want to do with my life, as opposed to putting energy towards trying to "change or affect" another (for example - my son, my husband) via tough love. This seems to be working fairly well for me.
It is helpful for me to embrace hope, faith, and love.
I was going to add "tough love" to those but instead, I want to continue to focus on making and keeping boundaries; framing it that way fits better for me. That way, I'm more focused on what my goals and limits are, what I need to do in my life, what I want to do with my life, as opposed to putting energy towards trying to "change or affect" another (for example - my son, my husband) via tough love. This seems to be working fairly well for me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 499
Ongoing saga. Nothing new to many of you here I'm sure. Last night we had just finished putting up the lights on the Christmas tree and settling down to watch some TV when my tablet starts blowing up with messages asking why I was not answering my phone, etc. Turns out my daughter and the guy she moved into with were pulled over by the cops, he was taken into the station for whatever reason, I'm assuming outstanding warrants,and they were telling her she needed to find a ride someplace. She said that he swallowed heroin and cocaine so there was no evidence when they got pulled over. I said he's lucky if he doesn't die from that. She had no money, just moved back to Michigan where my family does not want to have anything to do with her, and I'm sitting here in California. She asked for money for an Uber. I said no, just tell the cops the situation and have them help you find a place to go, that I could not imagine they would leave her outside in below zero temps. The foul language I received after that made me cry. But I said nothing else except that I loved her. Today I find out things worked out and she saying the whole thing shook her up and she is looking for a sober living place. We shall see. My hopes aren't up, but I am learning where I should be in my relationship with her.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
I know how very very difficult and fearful it is when they are in the chaos, but you did so WELL! Letting her figure it out. It is really a mystery but true that once we let go, they understand that it is all on THEM to deal with their choices.
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