For the parents...daily support thread
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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I haven't posted here in a while, and hope hat everyone is OK today! A friend shared this article on FB, and I liked it so much that I thought I would share.
Dear Mom With An Abusive Child
Dear Mom With An Abusive Child
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
hey Seren,
That's a great article - so much about letting go of the guilt & abuse we take just to have a "relationship" with our adult children. (from my perspective they don't even have to be A's)
sending PINK Hugs your way!
That's a great article - so much about letting go of the guilt & abuse we take just to have a "relationship" with our adult children. (from my perspective they don't even have to be A's)
sending PINK Hugs your way!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 1
Tired and feeling guilty
Hi everyone. I'm new here but feel like I have found a place where others may actually understand what I'm feeling. Thank you for this thread. 4 years ago we found out our daughter had been using meth. She was 21 and not living with us. She was arrested and spent a year in a SAFP program and then sober living. She got a job and was doing so well UNTIL.. She wasn't. My daughter is also schizophrenic and will not stay on meds. Her illness has gone from bad to worse. We have cut her off completely as far as money goes. Will feed her and she's been living with us the whole time. Now she's getting ready to go back to jail but is not showing up for P.O. meetings or a court ordered psych exam. Three week is ago she packed up and moved to the woods. Last night she showed up covered in poison ivy, infected, dirty and blaming us because we had told her if she could not be nice and stay sober she had to leave. As a mom I feel horrible, she's mentally ill and I'm afraid of her yet because I set boundries she's living in horrible conditions. I think next month she will be sent to jail again. My parents live with us and they are scared of her too. Her anger right now comes from me not allowing her to take her dog out of the house. She cant take care of herself, she sure cant take care of him. Just waiting for the police to show up on my doorstep to tell me shes gone. Not sure how much i should give her, what i should take away, she seems to be in control. Such a merry go round.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Hello Matildasue, Welcome to SR!!
I am so very sorry to hear about what brings you here, but I am glad you found us!
I do wish I had some magic words you could use or actions you can take, but none of this is easy. If the courts still deem her competent, then you cannot force her into recovery. Hopefully, if she is sent to jail again, she can begin to receive the mental health help she needs.
Parents of addicts are the only people I know who feel the relief when their child is in jail--at least they are not on the streets running and gunning.
Sending hugs to you and prayers for your whole family.
I am so very sorry to hear about what brings you here, but I am glad you found us!
I do wish I had some magic words you could use or actions you can take, but none of this is easy. If the courts still deem her competent, then you cannot force her into recovery. Hopefully, if she is sent to jail again, she can begin to receive the mental health help she needs.
Parents of addicts are the only people I know who feel the relief when their child is in jail--at least they are not on the streets running and gunning.
Sending hugs to you and prayers for your whole family.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning to all the parents and grandparents and stepparents!! It is time for a bit of an update.
Well, it's been more than 2 years now since my husband died. I don't hear from my stepson very often, but at least he speaks to his sister about once a month. She says that his conversations are pretty crazy because he is usually on something when he calls. But--at least he is still alive!
He is pretty much out of money and asking his friends where he lives for money--telling them he was going to use it to travel back here. My stepdaughter was in a bit of hot panic about that because if he ever did show up in town again, she knows he would want to come live with her--which is not an option. And, she doesn't want a scene in front of her children.
I told her that he was probably just telling his friends that so that they might be more inclined to give him money. He has done this before--and never showed up here. He didn't this time, either.
Sometimes I feel a wee bit guilty for not wanting him in town--then I remember everything he has done and know that my peace and that of my stepdaughter and her family are valuable and a priority.
I hope all is well with you and yours!! Check in when you can
Well, it's been more than 2 years now since my husband died. I don't hear from my stepson very often, but at least he speaks to his sister about once a month. She says that his conversations are pretty crazy because he is usually on something when he calls. But--at least he is still alive!
He is pretty much out of money and asking his friends where he lives for money--telling them he was going to use it to travel back here. My stepdaughter was in a bit of hot panic about that because if he ever did show up in town again, she knows he would want to come live with her--which is not an option. And, she doesn't want a scene in front of her children.
I told her that he was probably just telling his friends that so that they might be more inclined to give him money. He has done this before--and never showed up here. He didn't this time, either.
Sometimes I feel a wee bit guilty for not wanting him in town--then I remember everything he has done and know that my peace and that of my stepdaughter and her family are valuable and a priority.
I hope all is well with you and yours!! Check in when you can
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Hi Everyone
My son is my addict. He's 24 years old. Alcohol and valium are his main drugs of choice - but anything goes when he's haywire!
Evicted him from the family home over 3 years ago and he ran the gauntlet of homeless units/flats, prison - probably a similar story to many.
Anyhoo, today, he is clean and doing ok. I'm doing ok too. I am not the quivering wreck, and heart broken mother I was 3 years ago. I learned to step back in the chaotic/crazy times, and focus on myself. I had no choice but to learn this, or I would be sitting rocking in a corner somewhere.
It's good knowing that there are others who TRULY understand the impact it has, when your (adult) child chooses this route in life, although it saddens me to know that there are so many of us.
Much Love to All
Bute x
My son is my addict. He's 24 years old. Alcohol and valium are his main drugs of choice - but anything goes when he's haywire!
Evicted him from the family home over 3 years ago and he ran the gauntlet of homeless units/flats, prison - probably a similar story to many.
Anyhoo, today, he is clean and doing ok. I'm doing ok too. I am not the quivering wreck, and heart broken mother I was 3 years ago. I learned to step back in the chaotic/crazy times, and focus on myself. I had no choice but to learn this, or I would be sitting rocking in a corner somewhere.
It's good knowing that there are others who TRULY understand the impact it has, when your (adult) child chooses this route in life, although it saddens me to know that there are so many of us.
Much Love to All
Bute x
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Glad you joined us here, Bute! And I'm so happy that your son is doing well right now.
Since my last post, I learned that my stepson is in jail awaiting trial. Under the circumstances, it may be a year or more sentence. Probably the best thing for him. I'm planning to try to contact his public defender to find out what he may be facing and if rehab or another recovery option can be recommended as part of his probation.
Since my last post, I learned that my stepson is in jail awaiting trial. Under the circumstances, it may be a year or more sentence. Probably the best thing for him. I'm planning to try to contact his public defender to find out what he may be facing and if rehab or another recovery option can be recommended as part of his probation.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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How is everyone? 
I did not sleep well last night (for reasons other than my stepson), but it reminded me of all those sleepless nights worrying about and crying over him. It seems like a lifetime ago as far as the change in my attitude, but only a handful of years in real time.
Happy Wednesday to you all. I hope this day has peace and joy!
I did not sleep well last night (for reasons other than my stepson), but it reminded me of all those sleepless nights worrying about and crying over him. It seems like a lifetime ago as far as the change in my attitude, but only a handful of years in real time.
Happy Wednesday to you all. I hope this day has peace and joy!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Good morning to all! Seren, thank you for the update. You are so strong and supportive to the family folks who have their own unique form of codependence and struggles! Things are good for my family these days. After so MANY tries, JJ has turned the corner in his recovery. He works for an Alanon club, gets paid to be the staff member and lives in the sober living and he is also trying to get a job as a house manager for a recovery home in La Jolla, CA. He currently lives 2 blocks from a beautiful beach in San Diego. what a rough life LOL! We see him every week as he comes to the house for a family day and then goes back to his own awesome life the next day. Its a wonderful thing for me to not be worried about my belongings and or his sobriety when he visits. He has made a lot of amends with people we know, and he is truly concerned about his younger brother and sister whom he neglected during his years of addiction. To all of us in the daily struggle, keep your faith, focus on you and love your addict, but not the addiction!
God bless everyone.
TT
God bless everyone.
TT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Seren & all the Mommas & poppas,
Yes I'm still here riding this roller coaster, sometimes getting a break, which is
such a much needed blessing
You changed your atavar dear Seren...almost didn't recognize you my friend!
And T, how wonderful that JJ was accepted into a sober living home...and to be
considering
the HUGE responsibility of being the house manager, so blessed he is!! JJ has come so far in conquering this brain disease, please give him a huge hug from his
"Other" momma TF.
My younger RAD is also a house manager in her sober living facility, it's a tough,
extremely responsible job...they ARE the boss, being supportive and loving to the newly sober roommate, needing to drug test the
other roommates and if a test turns up positive, she has to escort them out.
Hey, it's a big boundary to cross if one turns up positive.
I'm so proud of
our kids, and I'm so proud of you T for not giving up the sweet hope.
I see my RAD (23yrs old) about once a week and instead of living in fear of
her, I feel the love for her as I look into her beautiful eyes. Yes she has come so
far....
18plus months of sobriety and respect of her program. Let's keep our hope
strong, not only for our kids, but for all the kids who suffer from this
devastating brain
disease and the parents, who hurt, that horrible powerful hurt.
I kinda had to shake
my head when u mentioned not worrying over JJ taking your possessions...I
can't say that because my daughter had stolen almost everything that wasn't
nailed down. Oh well, can't live in the past, can we! I look at it like
this....when she stole from me... It was her inheritance she took &
pawned...about 40 yrs before she was to get it. I let it go....
Let's keep this thread going, I always love to here the good stories and how
my dear mommas are doing.
Love to all the mommas who suffer, never give up hope, take care of yourselves
& if u get overwhelmed, give ur worries and pains to your HP. It works!!!
Hugs, hugs, hugs & more hugs to those who suffer and to those who have made it
to the other side
TF
Yes I'm still here riding this roller coaster, sometimes getting a break, which is
such a much needed blessing
You changed your atavar dear Seren...almost didn't recognize you my friend!
And T, how wonderful that JJ was accepted into a sober living home...and to be
considering
the HUGE responsibility of being the house manager, so blessed he is!! JJ has come so far in conquering this brain disease, please give him a huge hug from his
"Other" momma TF.
My younger RAD is also a house manager in her sober living facility, it's a tough,
extremely responsible job...they ARE the boss, being supportive and loving to the newly sober roommate, needing to drug test the
other roommates and if a test turns up positive, she has to escort them out.
Hey, it's a big boundary to cross if one turns up positive.
I'm so proud of
our kids, and I'm so proud of you T for not giving up the sweet hope.
I see my RAD (23yrs old) about once a week and instead of living in fear of
her, I feel the love for her as I look into her beautiful eyes. Yes she has come so
far....
18plus months of sobriety and respect of her program. Let's keep our hope
strong, not only for our kids, but for all the kids who suffer from this
devastating brain
disease and the parents, who hurt, that horrible powerful hurt.
I kinda had to shake
my head when u mentioned not worrying over JJ taking your possessions...I
can't say that because my daughter had stolen almost everything that wasn't
nailed down. Oh well, can't live in the past, can we! I look at it like
this....when she stole from me... It was her inheritance she took &
pawned...about 40 yrs before she was to get it. I let it go....
Let's keep this thread going, I always love to here the good stories and how
my dear mommas are doing.
Love to all the mommas who suffer, never give up hope, take care of yourselves
& if u get overwhelmed, give ur worries and pains to your HP. It works!!!
Hugs, hugs, hugs & more hugs to those who suffer and to those who have made it
to the other side
TF
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
twofish
Great to hear from you and all the wonderful things happening for your dear daughter! Such a joy!!
For my part, I said I would write to the public defender to find out more information...haven't managed to do that yet. It has been a very busy week, but I know I need to do this so that we have some idea what my stepson is facing. And I need to check to be sure he is still in custody. My stepdaughter fears that he will somehow make it here and show up on her doorstep. She does not want that with her children at home!
Not really much else going on here, but I am sending prayers up for all the parents, grandparents, and stepparents and their addicted children!
Great to hear from you and all the wonderful things happening for your dear daughter! Such a joy!!
For my part, I said I would write to the public defender to find out more information...haven't managed to do that yet. It has been a very busy week, but I know I need to do this so that we have some idea what my stepson is facing. And I need to check to be sure he is still in custody. My stepdaughter fears that he will somehow make it here and show up on her doorstep. She does not want that with her children at home!
Not really much else going on here, but I am sending prayers up for all the parents, grandparents, and stepparents and their addicted children!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Hi All
All quiet my end also - " touch hairy wood". Seren, I hope your stepson didn't appear at your step daughter's place.
I remember vividly, the many occasions, when my son would turn up at our home, out of his head on drugs and alcohol, brandishing a hammer! I had no hesitation in calling the police. Infact, they became frequent visitors, for a while :-)
The relief when he moved to another town lol (god forgive me).
Stay strong everyone.
Much Love
Bute xxx
All quiet my end also - " touch hairy wood". Seren, I hope your stepson didn't appear at your step daughter's place.
I remember vividly, the many occasions, when my son would turn up at our home, out of his head on drugs and alcohol, brandishing a hammer! I had no hesitation in calling the police. Infact, they became frequent visitors, for a while :-)
The relief when he moved to another town lol (god forgive me).
Stay strong everyone.
Much Love
Bute xxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
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So, I sent that letter to my stepson's public defender. I realize that attorney/client privilege will not allow much information to be shared, but I thought I would try to find out how many years he may be facing at this point as a repeat, violent offender.
Either way, the public index record should be updated by mid-week, and I can check that and forward it to her then.
Either way, the public index record should be updated by mid-week, and I can check that and forward it to her then.
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