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Old 08-26-2019, 10:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
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No Longer abstinent


I am not exactly sure what brought me here originally - it was connected with my late friend Alfie who died years ago.

I am in need again and find I can write my feelings though right now I am unsure about making phone contact or attending meetings.

I tried to usea forum facility - I dioo not quite understand and discovered I cannot read a private message sent to me until I have ten posts - so this is a contribution to that number.

I still get emails from Sober recovery - rarely click on them - but when I did today it all seemd to be commercial advertising - which was not how I rememeber it way back when Alfie recommended it many years ago.

maybe another 'old timer' from here will respond.

Thank you for all views and any responses - please do reply - do not be a stranger - in some parts of the internet ridicule is common - I shall not ridicule and am grateful for all human responses.
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome Tolkny-

I have been around awhile, but mainly on the Friends forum and on the food challenge forum.

When you mention that you are abstinent no longer I am curious what you mean? This particular side of the forum is not as well traveled as others is why I ask.

Welcome back!
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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yeah, welcome back.

There is hope for whatever problems you may have, it is a bit of work but very much worth the effort.

I don't get notifications to posts, so I am not sure what ads you are getting.

You can find your past posts by clicking the "My Posts" in the black bar at the top of the page or by clicking on your username and then, "find more posts," or, "find all threads," by [your username]"
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome Tolkny-

I have been around awhile, but mainly on the Friends forum and on the food challenge forum.

When you mention that you are abstinent no longer I am curious what you mean? This particular side of the forum is not as well traveled as others is why I ask.

Welcome back!
Thanks indeed,

My head is spinning with the internet today - though I am as much addicted to that as with overeating.

If there is a better Thread for such posts to go to please tell me.

What I mean by - no longer abstinet (I thought I might have linked to a thread from several years ago - that started something like - Abstinent but - and for reasons I am not sure why now - I did not return to - possibly I forgot as I had not "subscribed " to that thread by email and at the time until about a year ago - I was immensley active with OA meetings and service at those meetings. - I am addicted to service - but then when I was not connecting with folk - slipped away & by degress went backwards - but not to full on - non stop eating -


nonetheless my weight has predictably increased to the point that any physical activity is a challenge - serves me right _ I tell my self - I know the solution - one day at atime life the programme - anyway that is what I meant -thanks.
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
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yeah, welcome back.

There is hope for whatever problems you may have, it is a bit of work but very much worth the effort.

I don't get notifications to posts, so I am not sure what ads you are getting.

You can find your past posts by clicking the "My Posts" in the black bar at the top of the page or by clicking on your username and then, "find more posts," or, "find all threads," by [your username]"
Just acknowledging yours with gratitude biminiblue -

I have a hidden neurological disability - dyspraxia - also known by some as DCD & part of the condition is problems with "working memory" - so I benefit from reminders - but then tend to "go off" on a tangent from what the original topic was

I should have sorted it out by now - I had pretty much adapted to the condition - and held down a fairly challenging job for years and was then diagnosed aged 53 in 2002 - but I am where I am.

Thanks.
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:36 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Just acknowledging yours with gratitude biminiblue -

I have a hidden neurological disability - dyspraxia - also known by some as DCD & part of the condition is problems with "working memory" - so I benefit from reminders - but then tend to "go off" on a tangent from what the original topic was

I should have sorted it out by now - I had pretty much adapted to the condition - and held down a fairly challenging job for years and was then diagnosed aged 53 in 2002 - but I am where I am.

Thanks.
If all else fails, definitely ask about forum use (or ED problems, for that matter.) Someone will be able to help.

I used to eat 24/7. I got up to "morbidly obese." I had to re-think my whole life and change everything, but it is possible to recover.

Best thing for me is to get outside every day for a walk. It helps everything: isolation, weight, appetite, internet addiction.

~blessings.
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
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If all else fails, definitely ask about forum use (or ED problems, for that matter.) Someone will be able to help.

I used to eat 24/7. I got up to "morbidly obese." I had to re-think my whole life and change everything, but it is possible to recover.

Best thing for me is to get outside every day for a walk. It helps everything: isolation, weight, appetite, internet addiction.

~blessings.

Thank you very much biminiblue
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Old 08-27-2019, 04:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Tolkny-

Nope this is a perfect part of the forum for you! Sometimes this sides get people not wanting to talk about food challenges and ED stuff but abstinent from other substances and that was what I was checking in with.

So you posted today! What is the next right thing to help you get back to you?
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Old 08-27-2019, 10:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Tolkny-

Nope this is a perfect part of the forum for you! Sometimes this sides get people not wanting to talk about food challenges and ED stuff but abstinent from other substances and that was what I was checking in with.

So you posted today! What is the next right thing to help you get back to you?
Thanks for that "Life Recovery" - err - this can get confusing with so many threads - I have just sort of explained myself in another thread which I shall attempt to link and so may not respond again here.

Incidentally - I went to bed last night without a late night top up - never felt a need - it is a great feeling!

I am not allowed to post a link as I have not made enough posts

The thread where I posted is headed "Dealing with rejection and and hurt and anger..." and my post is number 25 on the second page.

Thanks again. - I need to keep going here to get a few more posts in to use more of the facilities.

Andrew from Essex, England, UK, where it is now 06.54am on Wednesady 28th August 2019.
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Old 08-29-2019, 02:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
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24 hours on - feeling more positive - thanks for responses - I wonder whether my last post was seen.

Have been absinentent three meals a day, nothing in between, for two days now and also made contributions elsewhere in the Forum.

Today I read For Today from OA again and yesterday I sent an SMS to a former OA friend - he called back and we spoke for 15 minutes and I have some small things that I feel I can work on - I think someone here suggested it as well - it seems so obvious - go outside and have a walk around - well that is in the plan for today.

I welcome responses - but know ultimately I need to take actions and connect to MY Higher Power - I had some surprising HP messages yesterday - in a letter that turned up from someone I have not heard from for about seven years and this morning I woke with the idea of an action I might take to advance one of my living propblems.

I am blessed thanks for reading .

Question - is it possible to link a post to another member here with whom I have been in contact, please?

Andrew from Essex, England UK - 10.54am London, UK time Thursday 29th August 2019.
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Old 08-30-2019, 01:51 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Checking in another day of food abstinance - It seems I am on my own in this thread.

I made Email contact yesterday with another friend in active recovery and we have had an SMS exchange as well and I have made a plan to call him in about 15 minutes.

Other things seem to be going backwards - but myself I am moving forwards.

I hope YOU dear reader will share a little about your progress with recovery - I think that will help me.

Maybe the thread headline is putting readers off.

Can it be changed - if so how and what would yopu suggest please - I want to keep this going as a sign of my personal progress.

Maybe some of my journey needs to be done alone whist accepting I am not invisible to the rest of the world.

I read my "For Today", Overeaters Anonymous, 1982 - reading for 30th August - it had something to say to me.

I am trying to devleop a daily routine - like I had before - written down - which all started when I was at work in the 1980s and there was always more to do than there was time to do it in - so I formed a way of proritising - which I could at least defend to myself and gave me a measure to go by - rather than just bouncing between demands and urges.

Last edited by Tolkny; 08-30-2019 at 01:52 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 08-30-2019, 02:18 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Post Making contact one (or several) person(s) in the Fellowship of Recovery started by Bill W & Dr Bob

I have decided the name I would like for this thread - is it necessary to start another thread altogether or can I change this thread to the heading I have used for this post, please, dear reader?
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Old 08-30-2019, 08:04 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Tolkny-

Unfortunately this side of the forum is not as well traveled as some others. That was why I was double checking about the food part of things initially.

For me. I have lived with an eating disorder since I was at least 6. I have been working my recovery actively for the last 20 years or so. I have struggled with the full range of concerns.

While working on my food stuff I met, loved and married a problem drinker which eventually got me to this website, and the friends and family side of things.

For me right now I have had a really big recent shift in which I have realized that talking about things keeps me from emotionally stuffing things. As a result my food behavior challenges have been non existent recently.

I have not used OA for recovery but have used therapy, other 12 step groups, body work, mindfullness and meditation etc.

I don't always love the lessons that this has brought into my life, but I am grateful for the learning.
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Old 08-31-2019, 12:23 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Tolkny-

Unfortunately this side of the forum is not as well traveled as some others. That was why I was double checking about the food part of things initially.

For me. I have lived with an eating disorder since I was at least 6. I have been working my recovery actively for the last 20 years or so. I have struggled with the full range of concerns.

While working on my food stuff I met, loved and married a problem drinker which eventually got me to this website, and the friends and family side of things.

For me right now I have had a really big recent shift in which I have realized that talking about things keeps me from emotionally stuffing things. As a result my food behavior challenges have been non existent recently.

I have not used OA for recovery but have used therapy, other 12 step groups, body work, mindfullness and meditation etc.

I don't always love the lessons that this has brought into my life, but I am grateful for the learning.
Thanks for that response - LifeRecovery - I have had four day's food abstinence - which for me is three moderate meals a day with absolutely nothing in between.

I first found the 12 step meetings for myself in 1994 - though had been in varying forms of contact with the AA & other programmes since my father first found some sobriety in about 1968 - he eventually began 21 years sobriety in November 1970 - by that time I (born 1948) had qualified as a social worker and since 1975 worked as a probation officer - & thus had begun to have professional contact with addicts of every type.

My experience suggests that the precise form of addiction is not itself necessarily relevant nor is the precise recovery programme used - as long as each addiction is acknowledged and surrendered and a daily progamme applying all the concepts learned by the early AAers is what matters.

Thanks for giving me a response.

I have not yet got the measure of this Forum yet awhile - but for the time being plan to post at least a little each day.

I am continuuing to work out a daily routine for myself - my primary addiction is probably compulsive eating but I do get over involved in the organisations I join and that is not helped by the consequences of what I now describe as my lifelong hidden neurological disability - the most prominent symptoms probably connected with what in some places is termed 2developmental dyspraxia" or DCD(Developmental Coordination Disorder) . So others find me odd but are mostly too polite to say - so demonstrate it by their unspoken reactions.

Another factor - is that I am currently very fat and get incredibly tired and seem to lose the ability to do almost anything - then have trouble sleeping through the night.

The disrupted routine is probably connected with the early stages of returning to recovery from relapse - so I need to press on.

I am reminded that The Big Book of AA was primarily first written for those alcoholics who were, locally on their own, without a specific group of alcoholics to be part of, as had begun first at Akron and then in New York.

I think there was very soon a third group in Cleveland begun by a chap who had got sober initially under Dr Bob's care in the hospital at Akron. Anyway - what impresses me about the book A... A.... is that they wrote down what the actually did rather than started from theory and wrote about that - that was why it was a struggle to write - because no two folk have exactly the same experience with addiction - yet when they recount those experiences - I should say WE recount rather than THEY - or even "I" !!!

When the stories are recounted they are recognised and somehow one takes strength from each other - it could be argued that in fact AA started earlier when Ebby told his story to Bill W - but sadly they did not both continue to maintain sobriety - which is what happened once Dr Bob got sober after that meeting with Bill W.

My morning reading today was Rozanne's story from the "Overeaters Anonymous" book - edition 3 - she founded AA yet it took her 26 years to get a plan of eating that worked for her as she explains - so far it is 25 years for me - I once thought I had cracked it as I had over 6 years non stop abstinence with a weight loss of around 11 stones - that is 154 pounds - but it crept back - I was again doing ok for about 18 months - was having trouble getting to meetings due to geography and time - was doing too much - had trouble in one meeting - pulled back a little and then what started out well in 2016 has all gone three years later - so maintaining hope is crucial for me.

I am wittering - I hope what I write is useful to someone and that others feel able to share their experience.

Meantime - for now at any rate I plan to continue to contribute daily to the thread started by "ShiftHappens" and headed "Dealing with rejection and and hurt and anger..."


Andrew from Essex, England, UK, Saturday 31st August 2014, 08.14am London time.
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Old 08-31-2019, 09:54 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Thank you for your share Andrew. I found it incredibly useful and also inspiring. The AA threads area quite busy and I agree with you that the substance is not of as much importance as the solution. I've found God and the 12 step solution solved my drinking problem and I know if I show willingness and take ACTION (so hard!!!) that He will do the same for my compulsive under/over eating. How funny - today I listened to Roxanne S's share! And then I learned she died a few years ago. Fascinating story. Do keep posting! many people read and are helped even if they don't reply/like/post. It's good service! Thank you!
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Old 08-31-2019, 02:56 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Tolkny-

I agree with you that the substances may vary, but in my case the -isms all typically line up.

I also agree that what recovery looks like all starts to come together. It did not matter if I was going to Al-Anon, Open AA meetings or therapy. As long as I was working on a part of my recovery it helped my whole recovery.
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Old 09-01-2019, 02:58 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Thank you for your share Andrew. I found it incredibly useful and also inspiring. The AA threads area quite busy and I agree with you that the substance is not of as much importance as the solution. I've found God and the 12 step solution solved my drinking problem and I know if I show willingness and take ACTION (so hard!!!) that He will do the same for my compulsive under/over eating. How funny - today I listened to Roxanne S's share! And then I learned she died a few years ago. Fascinating story. Do keep posting! many people read and are helped even if they don't reply/like/post. It's good service! Thank you!

I am very grateful to have two responses overnight.

I have just called My 12 step supporter - not exactly a sponsor - he is younger than my son and we met when I supported a new OA Group that he started nearly 40 miles from here - he needed to withdraw being a person with many responsibilities and at that time giving important service in another fellowship - we had not established the group well enough for it to continue when my attendances were not regular at one particular time and thus yet another OA group folded.

I think I need face to face meetings - I am now food abstinent five days, I think, and doing a bit more each day - it is bright and sunny here in Essex and I was in the middle of household jobs whilst my wife is out - I want to return to them so there is some progress before my wife - who I met in 1964 - when I was 15 - she was already a young woman about town as she was 16 and working.

We are beginning to confront family issues that have been unresolved for too long - so my recovery is on several fronts - but I get tired most days before I have shaved and dressed ready to leave the home.

It is strange because just 2 years ago most Sundays I would have been at that OA group 40 miles away by now usually having left home before 8.30am and a lot earlier on the days I went by public transport - which was my preference - but I need to go gently.

If you reply and you can tell me how to change the title of the opening of this thread to something more hopeful please do.

Alternatively please give it a response so it stays visible to others and I might learn from their experiences.

Andrew from Essex, England, UK, Sunday 1st September 2019 10.55am
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Old 09-01-2019, 06:45 AM   #18 (permalink)
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I don't think the title is off-putting, Andrew. I don't think the title can be changed unless you ask a moderator or Admin...I'm not sure if they would change it, but you could ask. You can start a new thread, though.

There are lots of us who struggle with food, I think it's the first and the last of the big addictions and for me I found abstinence isn't a long-term solution but other members like Ringo are believers in the abstinence model. I just can't see myself never having another treat as long as I live.

I struggled with food for a lot of years, but for the past twelve years I've been at a healthy weight and have worked out a manageable plan with my food and exercise. One step, one bite at a time.

I hope you find peace in whatever your pursuits. Any addiction is complicated and as they say, "All roads lead to Rome."

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Old 09-01-2019, 06:58 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I also Andrew don't think that the title is off putting.

It sounds like you have been doing a lot for yourself in the last number of days!

What are you doing today for you? (or tomorrow as I think our time difference will make a difference in these kind of questions).
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Old 09-01-2019, 07:16 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Hi Andrew,

I've seen your post's on Melissa's thread, and appreciate your supportive words for her. I also understand how isolated one can feel without much activity on one's own thread. However, looking at the number of views here, you are reaching more people than you may think.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I've had "food issues" since adolescence and am still kind of screwy in my eating habits. For several years, I formed the habit of restricting and I still suffer some vestiges of this behavior although I'm currently (technically) obese. Another member here posted a youtube link to "Butter Makes Your Pants Fall Off," (you can find that by just typing those words in), and while I'm no purist, I've found that drastically reducing carbs and increasing fats & proteins has been beneficial to my overall health and weight.

While I believe that addiction is addiction, no matter what form it takes, I think society in general is far behind in their understanding. Sheesh, I still encounter tales of alcoholics who don't understand that other addiction is the same thing with a different substance. I say post away and post wherever you feel is most helpful to you. There is nothing in the much more-traveled Newcomer's forum that indicates which kind of addiction you are trying to overcome. Same goes for the monthly "Class of" threads that you will also find in the Newcomer's forum. Ultimately you know this is 100% an inside job, but most of us really benefit from the support of others.

Whatever you do here and in real life, just try to be sure of your motives. There is no need to be self-conscious when you are literally struggling for your life. Speak your truth and be open to the thoughts and suggestions of others. It seems you are doing both already; I just wanted to cheer you on!

A suggestion I have for you is to Google "AVRT crash course" and go through the slides there. There is an extremely long discussion in the Secular Connections forum of SR, which I'm happy to dig up for you if you're interested. You really need the crash course to understand what I suggest next: read about Tatsy's recent journey from relapse to renewed strength. Her story takes a different path from the more worn #A ones, and has helped me to strengthen a more synthesized approach to being my true self; one that marries the spiritual to the rational.

Tatsy's thread is here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...m-despair.html (I Drank After 2 Years and Six Months: Iím in Despair)

Best to you, and thanks for being here!

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