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Old 05-04-2017, 01:59 AM   #21 (permalink)
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In great spirits. The appetite suppress works a charm. I only ate 1/2 chicken breast today 2 coffees water & just finished a big workout with a friend and now having fish.
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Old 05-04-2017, 11:15 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Well done Khalia. I'm not doing well at all. I don't eat much in the day but pig out in the evening. I'm definitely eating too much sugar😐
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Old 05-05-2017, 12:04 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Hi trace what's the cause? My psychologist said there has to be a reason behind my binging and it opened up a lot of old wounds xxx
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Old 06-12-2017, 07:22 AM   #24 (permalink)
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There is a saying in OA, that we focus on the food and our eating, cuz we don't want to focus on what's really bothering us. This has been true for me. The food is but a symptom.
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Old 06-26-2017, 02:17 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Kahlia01 and Petals, I hope you both are well.

Kahlia, I just about Duromine--it's meant to be short-term and side effects include rapid or irregular heartbeat, panic, psychosis, etc. I sure you're not taking them anymore. Yikes.

My focus is healthy eating, facing my feelings, not counting calories. I have to watch out for obsessive behavior.

I still keep a food journal--might work for you. Even if I have a little slip--take seconds or make a poor food choice--it gets written down. If my focus is solely counting calories and losing weight, I'm missing out on what recovery is really all about: living a life beyond my wildest imagination, being of service to God and others, having my insides match my outsides, enjoying peace of mind, etc, etc!

I hope you'll consider going to a meeting of Overeaters Anonymous. It's been a tremendous help to me. Take care.
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Old 06-30-2017, 12:45 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Hello. I am about to start the duromine again and be serieous this time with exercise and eating. The weight is affecting my moods and taking over other aspects of life so I'm adamant to get better and a meeting will be good for me
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Old 07-11-2017, 06:51 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Hi all. I just came to bed and god told me to pick up my AA big book due to some recent negative addiction voice thoughts trying to creep their way in. For those of you who don't know which may be nearly everyone I have problems with food, alcohol, prescription drugs and whatever can give me a buzz. I have relapsed once since February 2014 I had 3 drinks stopping before I was out of control and got straight back on the wagon. It led to crazy thoughts which were a blessing in disguise & showed me how easy and bad it can be. Quick rundown is age 0-7 mum & dad domestic violence drug use alcoholism and moved from Sydney to qld for a new life. 7-11 mum & dad separated. Mum became a lesbian we were home invaded due to drugs & I had to change schools and was living with grandparents. 11-21 my recriational drug and alcohol use started around 13 after being sexually assaulted and then came full blown bulimia. Mum met step dad she is still with and got off drugs. I rebelled and was a shocking teenager. 17-20 illegal drugs were very bad as they overrode eating food and I couldn't possibly get drunk. 18 high grade cervical cancer removed, boyfriend wouldn't touch me cause thought I was gonna die, separation, mum couldn't cope and started drugs again. 21 moved out west away from drugs (never gone back to illegal drugs only here and there for party's) 22 bulimia recovery which it is clear I put on weight and started drinking and prescribed pills instead of eating. 24 moved back to the Gold Coast met my amazing partner 26 high grade cervical cancer back. Had another operation and was addicted to Valium, panadine forte and endone. February 2017 booked myself into rehab best thing I ever done my grandma passed away whilst I was there but she's in a better place and I found AA which my life has been wonderful. So many great things have happened being sober I can't begin to explain but yesterday I went for my 6 month check up at the hospital and the doctor saw signs of the high grade cervical cancer being back. He is going to call in 2 weeks with biopsy results and let me know if it is which means I have to have another operation my 3rd one making it extremely difficult for child birth and also I am very scared about the pain killers as I fight taking them more than I seem to fight alcohol urges. The doctor was quite sure and I want to be positive but feel like I have to be prepared. I'm scared and so is my partner so he is drinking heaps cause he has depression and I just want to be numb. Tonight I stuffed my face and now down about it and I really need you guys xxx thanks for reading
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Old 07-12-2017, 03:35 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Hi all. I just came to bed and god told me to pick up my AA big book due to some recent negative addiction voice thoughts trying to creep their way in. For those of you who don't know which may be nearly everyone I have problems with food, alcohol, prescription drugs and whatever can give me a buzz. I have relapsed once since February 2014 I had 3 drinks stopping before I was out of control and got straight back on the wagon. It led to crazy thoughts which were a blessing in disguise & showed me how easy and bad it can be. Quick rundown is age 0-7 mum & dad domestic violence drug use alcoholism and moved from Sydney to qld for a new life. 7-11 mum & dad separated. Mum became a lesbian we were home invaded due to drugs & I had to change schools and was living with grandparents. 11-21 my recriational drug and alcohol use started around 13 after being sexually assaulted and then came full blown bulimia. Mum met step dad she is still with and got off drugs. I rebelled and was a shocking teenager. 17-20 illegal drugs were very bad as they overrode eating food and I couldn't possibly get drunk. 18 high grade cervical cancer removed, boyfriend wouldn't touch me cause thought I was gonna die, separation, mum couldn't cope and started drugs again. 21 moved out west away from drugs (never gone back to illegal drugs only here and there for party's) 22 bulimia recovery which it is clear I put on weight and started drinking and prescribed pills instead of eating. 24 moved back to the Gold Coast met my amazing partner 26 high grade cervical cancer back. Had another operation and was addicted to Valium, panadine forte and endone. February 2017 booked myself into rehab best thing I ever done my grandma passed away whilst I was there but she's in a better place and I found AA which my life has been wonderful. So many great things have happened being sober I can't begin to explain but yesterday I went for my 6 month check up at the hospital and the doctor saw signs of the high grade cervical cancer being back. He is going to call in 2 weeks with biopsy results and let me know if it is which means I have to have another operation my 3rd one making it extremely difficult for child birth and also I am very scared about the pain killers as I fight taking them more than I seem to fight alcohol urges. The doctor was quite sure and I want to be positive but feel like I have to be prepared. I'm scared and so is my partner so he is drinking heaps cause he has depression and I just want to be numb. Tonight I stuffed my face and now down about it and I really need you guys xxx thanks for reading
Kahlia-

Thanks so much for sharing.

What struck me when reading your note was just how much you have going on right now! In times of stress it can be easy to revert to well worn paths of behavior.

It sounds like you had some shame about overeating which I can relate to. Can I commend you on that you did not comment on purging (so I suspect you did not), you did not drink over this, and you are engaged enough to realize you need to be cautious around other triggers for you.

I know in the midst of all this chaos it probably does not feel like it, but I view the last 24 hours of your behavior a HUGE success.

What kind of support do you have? AA sounds like a big support for you, but I am unsure what else. I have found for me that recovery support of any kind, helps all of my recovery.

More soon.
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Old 07-12-2017, 09:35 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Thank you. I've purged once in April from overeating but it was a great wake up call and eye opener to what could be. I have sober recovery friends and a partner and I read the AA book. I learnt cbt in rehab and urge surfing but don't want to go to meetings unless I need to as my life is so busy
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Old 07-15-2017, 02:09 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Thank you. I've purged once in April from overeating but it was a great wake up call and eye opener to what could be. I have sober recovery friends and a partner and I read the AA book. I learnt cbt in rehab and urge surfing but don't want to go to meetings unless I need to as my life is so busy
Kahlia-

I am so sorry there is so much going on right now!

For me isolation was a part of my addiction, not a part of my recovery. I would say it was to help myself, but it was often an excuse to binge.

I also could not figure out what people saw in me....and why they would want to be around me. That is less about others and more about my relationship with myself.

Have you had eating disorder support in the past? Weight gain is not a sign of recovery necessarily for me it was more about my relationship with food. Studies show that at least 30% of people with eating disorders struggle with substance abuse also.

I regularly attend open AA meetings, and have also found Al-Anon has helped me with food stuff (we don't have an OA group where I live). I attend therapy too, and was on anti-depressants for part of my recovery also. I also do body work to assist.

I say all that not because your recovery needs to look like mine, but because for me the more tools I gave to it, the more it helped and it gave me options and different perspectives a long the way.

My best thinking got me into recovery, and kept me there. What is one thing you can do to help you today?
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Old 07-15-2017, 06:29 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Well the disorder is still there cause I binged and purged yesterday and the day before which is so stupid and now I'm sick and can't eat but I'm gonna get back on track. I go off the duromine & scoff my face so trying to practice self control cause clearly I get stressed and revert back to old habits
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Old 08-01-2017, 08:57 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Help needed

Hi all. I've gone down hill really bad to the point I slipped back into vomiting for 3 days cause my addiction voice said we will start fresh august. Yesterday went good but I found myself uncontrollably snacking. I got in some exercise too but the scale won't budge and I've been trying to loose weight since April 28th. I'm at the point now we're i have motivation to exercise which has been in the last month and I know my weight has gone a little but the scales only show 1 kg. I realise I'm putting on muscle but I'm so scared as I was nearly bulimia free for 1 year and have a cruise in 2 months but won't even wear singlets or shorts cause I'm uncomfortable. My partner thinks this is my sober natural healthy weight but I can't stop eating and definitely not happy and on top I miss my pills cause I was not eating cause I had a buzz and now my hip & shoulder are sore I'm scared please help. I need a book anything to help me
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Old 08-02-2017, 06:43 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Kahlia-

I am sorry you are struggling. I don't have a single item to offer to help.

Just like no diet, binge, purge etc ever made me happy, no one item ever helped me stay in recovery.

For me it was a complete change, and I had to have a good support team around me to do it.

When I am in the head space of my addiction, participating in active behaviors that includes dieting, scales, worries about my appearance etc.

For me that was all about control......trying to control something I could because frankly I could not control the emotions I did not want to feel.

I had to surrender. No scales, eating real food and know that I sometimes would not do it correctly. Mainly though I had to get support, therapy, 12 step work, body work etc to be in that space.

Isolation for me was a part of my disease, thinking I could do it all alone was also part of my disease. It sounds like you are hoping for the "magic bullet," but for me that was my disease thinking.

What is one gentle thing you can do for you today?
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Old 08-02-2017, 08:15 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Thank you for your kind words. It's so hard as I am getting ready for a cruise in 2 months and really badly wanna be able to feel ok in a bikini. My av kicked In tonight but I fought it and didn't purge and went for a long walk. I bought a fitness tracker today which will hopefully give me some control over food. Better a deterrent than a slip x
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Old 08-02-2017, 12:14 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Can you do something for you today that you enjoy that has nothing to do with body image or food? Read a good book. Talk to an old friend. Honestly for me watching bad TV for a bit was a loving and caring thing I did for me.

Sending you warm, caring, and loving thoughts.

P.S. Sparkle, thanks so much for being so regularly on this side. I know you have great insight on these challenges too and I would love to hear your input.
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Old 08-02-2017, 12:42 PM   #36 (permalink)
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LR, I would chime in but you say all the same things I would say!

A couple of books that I read helped me begin to change my perspective on body image, dieting, and compulsive eating. They were Overcoming Overeating by Jane Hirschmann and Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth. Really anything by Geneen Roth is very inspiring and interesting. These books were just the beginning of the process. There is no quick fix for this.

I'm in my third year of conscious recovery from compulsive eating and bulimia. I would have started this journey MUCH earlier, but the fact is I had a lot of other issues I needed to deal with around my childhood and my codependency before I could even begin this process. Until then, I suffered through diet after diet after diet without any of them--regardless of the results--making me happy, or doing anything but providing me with a reason to shame myself.

The best things I ever did for my mental health around my body were to throw out my scale, stop dieting, and purge my closet of anything that did not fit -- whether too small or too large.

For so many years I was wrapped up in the idea that "When I reach XX pounds, then I can be happy." Well...I reached XX pounds and less some, but that did not make me happy. It made me obsessed, depressed, and stressed.

When I let go of the need to shame myself for who I am, I allow myself to be present in each moment in my life. That's where my happiness comes from. Do I still sometimes overeat? Yep. I don't pretend I'm never going to do that again, and more importantly, I refuse to tell myself I am a bad person if I do.

We live in a world that is constantly telling us that if we are not "perfect" we will not be loved, both implicitly and explicitly. And that's just BS. I deserve love at any weight, at any size--we all do!

Life is short and precious. I decided three years ago I couldn't waste another moment of it in the Diet/Shame Cycle. Therapy, mindfulness, patience, and time have been my tools. (Oh and LifeRecovery has been my lighthouse )

This journey of recovery is not a sprint. It's a marathon, and you can do it.
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Old 08-02-2017, 02:45 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Sparkle-

I love Geneen Roth also!

Eating in the Light of the Moon was a big help for me also.

I have kind of done Sparkle's journey in reverse.

I started working my eating disorder in my early 20s. While in it met, loved and married someone who struggled with addiction. This forced me to deepen my recovery and be willing to focus a lot more on my family of origin and non-eating disorder recovery (of which I needed a lot of).

I am so glad I spent the time, and frankly the money on myself. I thought when I started recovery it was going to be a quick fix (and I would be done in a matter of a year or so).

MANY years later I still use a lot of support, but I see it not as something wrong with me.....but as a way to prevent the (literal and figurative) stuffing that I did. When I deal with my emotions, I tend to not need food as my back up.
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Old 08-05-2017, 06:32 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Checking in Kahlia. How are you?
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Old 09-07-2017, 05:40 PM   #39 (permalink)
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I read this thread with curiosity and gratitude; thank you all for sharing your thoughts and your struggles.

LifeRecovery, your posts resonate with me.

I've noticed since putting down alcohol, my eating can go out of whack whenever I'm going through emotional turmoil. Sugar, carbs, dairy all seem to make their way to my lips. Even when I'm not hungry.

It's like I can't get enough "stuff" into my mouth! And my mouth has to be busy all the time, whether its drinking water and tea or eating snacks or chewing gum. I'm just beginning to notice how often I keep it busy.

I am curious to know what is a good definition for compulsive eating. Unlike taking drugs or drinking alcohol, we all have to eat food to live. When does it become compulsive?
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Old 09-07-2017, 11:45 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Hi - I'm an addict. Started off with food, soon as I was old enough alcohol which got really bad before I managed to stop that now it's food again. I have the same behaviour with both food and alcohol, that sense of relief when I make the conscious decision to eat/drink, the inability to stop once I start. Earlier in the year I thought I'd cracked it. I went about 4/5 months with it mostly under control, then I had a drinking binge (100 days ago to be exact) and I've been unable to control it since and put on half the weight I'd managed to lose. It's forced me to start digging into my addiction again. I came across an article - quitting is not recovery. That's my problem I think, I have stopped and I know why I do it but never practised any tools to deal with it.

Addiction is using whatever it is you are addicted to do feel better. For me like I said knowing I am going to drink or eat I feel a sense of relief, excitement, if I can't and I want to I feel trapped/stressed and I obssess over it. I watched a video yesterday on youtube a channel called actualized.org. He says addiction is a fear of emptiness. I'm not sure he has worded it right but I get what he means. We are afraid of sitting, and doing nothing. He says that we need to learn to be happy just sitting and being and not doing. I think this is pretty close to the answer. We have these emotions and we want to feel better and instead of sitting and facing them we look for a distraction, once our brain has found one that works it creates an emotional response to them so that every time we feel something we don't want to we are reaching for that thing as a distraction and relief. After that things like physical addition and habits compound the addiction. We have to do the work to break that link of needing to do something to feel better or else there will always be an addiction.
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