Anyone Dealing With Anorexia Or Bulimia Here ??? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 06-03-2015, 02:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Anyone Dealing With Anorexia Or Bulimia Here ???


i've been diagnosed with both at age 8... and still fighting with both... anyways, i'm doing a little better since i had my sons but still have some problems
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Old 06-04-2015, 01:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I have not been diagnosed with either Woman, but I have had behaviors of both.

What does your challenges look like now? What kind of support do you have in place?
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Old 06-04-2015, 03:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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i have support of people who are encouraging me to eat and encouraging memto go for a treatment
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Old 06-04-2015, 03:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Woman of Mayham-

Of the people that "help" with food. Sometimes I found that to be supportive, sometimes I found it to be the "food" police. I know their intentions were good, but it was often really hard for me to handle that kind of feedback (because for me food has alway been a symptom of the problem not the cause). How is it for you aroung people talking about food?

Have you done treatment before? Have you had any support for your recovery previously?

Right now where are your challenges around food. Are you struggling with restriction or binging (or both)? Are you struggling with crazy activity, crazy circles of thoughts running through your head? Are you terrified of your weight (either direction)?
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Old 06-06-2015, 02:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
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i never tried treatment for eating disorders... i'm in trouble with restricting not binging.... i'm ok with my weight right now... but people say that i should gain just a few more pounds... but i don't think i need it
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Old 06-07-2015, 03:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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So Woman what brought you here?

What kind of support are you hoping for, what behaviors are you hoping to change?
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Old 06-23-2015, 07:41 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Glad I found your post.

I'm in recovery from alcohol but have had ED behaviors for so many years and treatment inpatient years ago which helped stop the physical problems but not really the emotional becuase after ED treatment I started using drugs/ alcohol. Go figure. The compulsions for control between ED and alcohol abuse are nuts. I am dealing with thoughts of relapse for both because of my problems dealing with "life on life's terms". Which, for me, means any event that induces anxiety, fear, shame, loneliness. I withdraw from others to avoid these feelings and then experience them all anyway. I KNOW that dealing with the feelings and being able to accept them as part of life is my key. It's just so damn hard.

Yikes! I need a meeting.

I'd say any support is good! Stay connected to others who are supportive of you! (that's advice to me, too!)
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Old 06-23-2015, 09:51 AM   #8 (permalink)
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AnonSara-

Welcome to this side of things.

What kind of plan do you have in place for support today? Great post!
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Old 06-23-2015, 01:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Support today includes talking to others. Actually calling my sponsor and not making excuses why I should put it off until tomorrow. Also, trying to eat meals with others today. Using the tools the 12-steps have given to me. Making amends for something that I need to. Hopefully that helps. Just trying to make the right decisions each and every minute to the next.
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Old 06-23-2015, 01:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Great! How has it gone so far?
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Old 06-23-2015, 02:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Better. Thanks for asking. I really hate dealing with life which is why I drank, used, engaged in food issues (and other behaviors). Nothing works, though, I know that. The only thing that I can do to make anything better is to face it. Deal with the feelings. Just frustrated that things feel hard because my f*up thinking says I'm entitled for everything to be easy. It's been helpful posting today. And, it's helped to reach out to others who are empathetic in my life and those in my AA groups that call me out on my BS!
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Old 06-23-2015, 03:47 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I have been to a number of open AA groups (I am a grateful member of Al-Anon). One of my fave things about AA meetings is how very open they are at calling BS when they hear it. I also appreciate the deep humor that is often present in those meetings. Often those are harder to experience at Al-Anon meetings (cause we are working on those challenges).

There is often more coffee drinking (and cigarette smoking too).

Glad you are feeling better....sometimes if we can just sit with it for 15 min it is amazing the difference in how we feel.
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Old 07-21-2015, 04:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I've been feeling so frustrated lately. I need to figure out how to stop swapping one addictive behavior for another. My ED behavior, I believe because it was around before my alcoholic or drug behavior, is my go-to comfort. It's my security, being able to control what I'm eating. But it drives me crazy. I have the tools I have the self-awareness I have the support system but it's difficult to use these things. And I'm sorting out why that is exactly. I know it has to do with the fact I've wanted to deny that I have my own emotional needs that deserve to have attention but the shame I feel around this need is ridiculously high. Such an old, cemented thought. It needs to go if I'm ever gonna change. So so discouraged.
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Old 07-21-2015, 07:43 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi AnonSara-

Tell us about your support team.

I think what you describe IS my ED. Denying needs and in my case denying feelings. I want to not have either of them.....thus I try to numb those screaming voices our with over/undereating on food (or another addictive behavior).

I today do not struggle with drugs/alcohol, but I got here because in my own recovery journey I met, loved and married a problem drinker.

The statistics of cross addiction are high. 30% of people with ED are living with drug/alcohol concerns. I have not seen the statistics of those that are living with alcohol/drug concerns and cross food addictions but I attend a number of open AA meetings and especially the woman's meetings have food come up a lot. I know it is out there.
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Old 07-21-2015, 08:18 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi! My support system would be my husband my therapist my sponsor my AA family. I like to deny my needs and then medicate the feelings that inevitably come with greater intensity when I ignore them. This has been going on (negative /addictive behaviors) for at least 24 years which is more than 2/3 of my life. I know it's not a quick fix but I'm pretty sick of myself right now.
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Old 07-21-2015, 12:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Sara-

Great that you have those pieces in place!

If I am doing my math correctly we are about the same age and I get sick of myself too.

What kind of therapist are you working with? I was fortunate to find one who has worked her own recovery from alcohol/drugs and then went on to specialize in eating disorders. I needed her to have experience in all of that (and her significant recovery).

Have you been able to share your challenges around food with your sponsor or at your meetings (some you can, some you cannot). Any specific focus in your recovery right now on your ED? What does your hubby, therapist etc think?

Welcome to this side of the board by the way.

Do you feel like sharing some of your food history. I have had food stuff since I can remember (4,5,6). I started restricting at 11-13 and my ED has ranged all over the place since that time but mainly binge eating challenges still remain.

I am glad to meet you and that you are here.
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Old 07-21-2015, 05:51 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My therapist is good for me. She pushes me to stay with my feelings vs running. She's had experience clinically w/ addictions but she's not specifically an addiction counselor.
So my eating issues started with restricting prob about similar w your age. Full-blown by 14 bad shape physically and emotionally. One inpatient stay in HS that was utterly and completely demoralizing and embarrassing. I was trying to starve myself out of everyone's awareness not garnish their attention. I still feel the pathetic state I was in at that time. I know it's not productive or rational but it is my feeling. I believe at this point it is completely Impossible to think normally about food. I believe I just need to accept it. It's like alcohol is now.
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Old 07-22-2015, 02:09 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I agree the addiction is similar to alcohol.

The challenge though with food is that we need to manage food a number of times a day. There is not the same challenge always with other addictions.

A book that really helped me (it took me years to read it through) was Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnson.

It allowed me to see that my ED at one point had SAVED my life....it was not functioning for me for most of my life but it truly saved my life.

That book helped me to see how normal that was for us with addictions.

The reason I ask about your support and ED stuff is this. Because food addiction cannot be one of abstinance (that is part of the disease itself) I found that some of my friends/loved ones/support could not truly "get" the challenges like they could with an addiction around abstinance.

For me my recovery got better when I stopped focusing on the food and started to deal with the very scary feelings I had not been willing to have for most of my life.

How is the alcohol addiction work going? I think any recovery work HELPS all recovery work (though it does not always feel that way when you are going through it).
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Old 07-24-2015, 04:17 PM   #19 (permalink)
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LifeRecovery, I agree completely about the ED being a source of survival at one time! That speaks to desperation to say that something that was so unhealthy actually functioned to help me survive.

My focus is not on food nearly as much these days and that's how I know my food issues are much better than they used to be. The food, the alcohol, the relationships are all trying to fill an emptiness. My marital relationship is really under fire with all this recovery business. It's a lot to ask a person to change whom you've been with so many years. I need to be able to accept what I am feeling about what may likely be a loss in my future and it is scary and sad. I'm not good at feeling my own feelings. Thanks for your messages.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:46 AM   #20 (permalink)
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LifeRecovery, I agree completely about the ED being a source of survival at one time! That speaks to desperation to say that something that was so unhealthy actually functioned to help me survive.

My focus is not on food nearly as much these days and that's how I know my food issues are much better than they used to be. The food, the alcohol, the relationships are all trying to fill an emptiness. My marital relationship is really under fire with all this recovery business. It's a lot to ask a person to change whom you've been with so many years. I need to be able to accept what I am feeling about what may likely be a loss in my future and it is scary and sad. I'm not good at feeling my own feelings. Thanks for your messages.
Sara

Wow there is a lot in your last post.

So I actually feel like my ED did save my life. I was in a PLACE of desperation when I turned to ED behaviors (by the time I was 4-6). That is not because of anything instrinsically wrong with me but because of how crazy things outside of me were. I needed to control something and food it was. I am not sure in your response if you were somehow taking blame for the ED being a broken part of you. I suspect little Sara needed something and ED came about to protect that little Sara who did not have her needs met.....needs that you were not capable to fill at that time.

While working on my ED stuff I met, loved and married a man with some problem drinking behavior. Initially it was the best relationship I had ever had. I was strong in myself and learning new skills because of my recovery work. His drinking stuff caught me off guard though and "skills" that I had used previously in my life such as food, shutting down, not feeling etc came roaring back. He at that time was not willing to look at his own addictions and eventually we divorced.

My therapist said to me at that time that two people not in recovery can make a relationship "work," and two people in recovery of course can have a great working relationship. When one person is not in recovery and the other is there is often little common ground and the relationship is often really hard to navigate. In retrospect what brought my ex and I together was our dysfunctions' complemented each other very well. I do think we could have made it work long-term, but my changing and getting well though was terrifying for him.....

My getting better was scary to him because some change was needed from him also.

Also while I was undergoing my divorce the emotional turmoil did make my ED behaviors more pronounced.

I feel like you are really struggling and kind of beating yourself up right now from what you wrote. Are you in a place you can give yourself a break?
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