I was watching one of those ID shows ….Investigation
Discovery.....I had recorded earlier today about a murder
who when on a killing spree back in August 1990.
He was dubbed the Gainesville Ripper who terrorized
a Gainesville, Fla. college campus killing 5 students along
with many other crimes and admitting to killing a total
of 8 people.
What caught my attention about this horrific event, was
that it happened in the same month and yr. I entered Rehab
29 yrs ago and the beginning of my own recovery journey.
Here is the link about this murderer.....Danny Rolling
from Shreveport, Louisiana. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danny_Rolling
After he was caught and thru out the 16 yrs alive
before being put to death by lethal injection he talked
about how he was physically abused by his father and
just never seemed to fit in anywhere in life normally.
Then the physciatrist talked about what makes people
turn out to be murders ….esp. how this man became the
way he did.
Of course they gone on to explain that many a
folks had horrible childhoods, bad parents and
many never turn out the way this man did.
As much as I despise what he did thru out his life,
I kind felt bad for the way he was raised and abused.
Something I can relate to as I was also abused by a sick
parent, dr jeckle/mr hyde personality, beautiful and
could function in the work force.
Out of 4 kids, I was singled out for some reason
and took the brunt of my moms wrath day in and
day out till I left home at 18.
That's 18 yrs of my young life added to molded
into the person I am today. I took my up bringing
in a middle class Catholic church and schooling
and off I went to start my life.
My dad whom instilled in me many wonderful
important lessons, oodles of advice to guide me
along in my life. Then there were several moments
when I thought life couldn't get any worse, he told
me to forgive my mom for she was sick and that she
did love me.
During those dark times, I couldn't believe those
words, so I just endured and plowed on vowing I
would never be like my mom or treat any of my kids
the way she treated me with physical, verbal or
However, I did turn to alcohol to numb all those
resentments I held onto till I turned 30 and family
stepped in to get me help I so desperately needed
at that time in my life.
Spending 28 days in rehab allowed me to learn
how to work thru all my issues I had when growing
up, dealing and living with and all those before,
during and after my addiction to alcohol.
There are many many folks affected by bad
people in their lives, but not everyone has
turned to the dark side of life. Many have
used the choices available to them in life and
have applied helpful, healthier tools and
knowledge to better themselves and become
better folks in todays world.
Today, I still have no contact with my family
of origin except.....my sister, whom I just recently
wrote to her a week or so ago asking her if it
would be okay if we could have a line of communication
open between the 2 of us.
It was a something I felt I needed to do, because
someone....whom I felt touch my heart thru prayer.
My dad who passed away last yr. My dad whom,
I hadn't talked to for some time before or after he
left this world mainly because my mom told me to stay
away from him because he was hers.
Sooooo, I did. Sadly. It was my sick way of doing
what she wanted and not giving into her. Just let
her have her way. Even after all these yrs. I still
let her control me in my heart and mine.
I dont want to be like that. To live like that. And
Ive prayed about this all my life and recovery and
have placed her in God's Hands because I cant
handle her any longer.
I just needed to reflect on your post today and
hopefully a lesson can be learned to incorporate
in my life at this time or down the road.