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Old 08-12-2019, 05:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: mountain grove, missouri
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Grow better not bitter


“The most creative power to the human spirit is the power to heel the wounds of a past it cannot change.” (Author unknown)


“Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.”
HEBREWS 12:12-15 NASB

As I get older I am learning to try and grow better not bitter. Some people are so much fun to be around. They always have positive attitudes, they do not take a position of superiority because of their experience, they are willing to show and teach things they have learned in their life, and they are able to use the painful experiences in their life without bitterness to help others recovery from like situations. What a joy it is to have people like this in my life to draw from and to learn from. Then there are some that I have met that are just the opposite. I will put myself in this category in times past. These are those who because of some trauma and tragic situation have continued to dwell upon the problem as it grows and grows, and becomes more infected. After an emotional scab has formed and later as it becomes a scar, they bitterly display the scar saying, “look what I‘ve been through.” It is painful to be around bitter people because they hurt you with the pain they are feeling. Scripture tells me that this is “coming short of the grace of God.” And so it is, to accept the grace of God and forgiveness we have to put down our past and walk in the newness of life that we have received from Jesus Christ. In my childhood I had fears and insecurity because my parents divorced. Later in adolescence I developed fears because of economic insecurity. I was drafted and Vietnam added to my emotional instability. Add twenty-five years of drug and alcohol abuse. Throw in rage and violence. Then stir that all into many relationships that were founded on greed and lust. Top it off having family and friends die because of alcoholism and drug addictions, and you can get one messed up person who thrived on displaying his scars of bitterness. I had every reason to be bitter didn’t I? I had excuses and I used them, and all it did was drive people away. That’s what Scripture says, “have no root of bitterness springing up causing trouble, and by it many be defiled.” Having set most loved ones at a distance; I soon learned that I was only hurting myself over and over. Ah, but for the grace of God. When the pain exceeded the pleasure in my thriving self-centered will, having nowhere to turn I reached out………and God was there. I had to drop my burden to embrace God. Today some of the scars are still there, but I don’t have time to look back, I want to look forward to an unending flow of grace and mercy. God is doing for me what I could not do for myself…………………….toad
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Old 08-12-2019, 09:21 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Tears welled up in my eyes as I read your post
and what the message scripture teaches us and
yes, for me, there are so many more lessons I need
to relearn for myself about those I have pushed
far away because of resentments I still hold onto
and harbor from my past.

Sure, I have done the steps on them, asked for
forgiveness and yet I reclaim them back, let them
go, place them in God's hands then down the road
im suck right back into reliving all those bad memories
and those that hurt me.

Then, I too have hurt others as well.

No, im not proud of my behaviors over my lifetime,
and I want so much to be free from continued blame
that ive placed on others when all this stuff is from
the past and is mine.

Today, I want to grow and continue to learn to
be the best person I can possibly be in my life
and to those around me. Still soooo much to learn
as I remain teachable.

Thank you toad for sharing another lesson needing
to learn and incorporate in my daily sober life.
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8-11-90

I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
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Old 08-12-2019, 12:51 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I was watching one of those ID shows ….Investigation
Discovery.....I had recorded earlier today about a murder
who when on a killing spree back in August 1990.

He was dubbed the Gainesville Ripper who terrorized
a Gainesville, Fla. college campus killing 5 students along
with many other crimes and admitting to killing a total
of 8 people.

What caught my attention about this horrific event, was
that it happened in the same month and yr. I entered Rehab
29 yrs ago and the beginning of my own recovery journey.

Anyway.....

Here is the link about this murderer.....Danny Rolling
from Shreveport, Louisiana.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danny_Rolling

After he was caught and thru out the 16 yrs alive
before being put to death by lethal injection he talked
about how he was physically abused by his father and
just never seemed to fit in anywhere in life normally.

Then the physciatrist talked about what makes people
turn out to be murders ….esp. how this man became the
way he did.

Of course they gone on to explain that many a
folks had horrible childhoods, bad parents and
many never turn out the way this man did.

As much as I despise what he did thru out his life,
I kind felt bad for the way he was raised and abused.
Something I can relate to as I was also abused by a sick
parent, dr jeckle/mr hyde personality, beautiful and
could function in the work force.

Out of 4 kids, I was singled out for some reason
and took the brunt of my moms wrath day in and
day out till I left home at 18.

That's 18 yrs of my young life added to molded
into the person I am today. I took my up bringing
in a middle class Catholic church and schooling
and off I went to start my life.

My dad whom instilled in me many wonderful
important lessons, oodles of advice to guide me
along in my life. Then there were several moments
when I thought life couldn't get any worse, he told
me to forgive my mom for she was sick and that she
did love me.

During those dark times, I couldn't believe those
words, so I just endured and plowed on vowing I
would never be like my mom or treat any of my kids
the way she treated me with physical, verbal or
emotional abuse.

However, I did turn to alcohol to numb all those
resentments I held onto till I turned 30 and family
stepped in to get me help I so desperately needed
at that time in my life.

Spending 28 days in rehab allowed me to learn
how to work thru all my issues I had when growing
up, dealing and living with and all those before,
during and after my addiction to alcohol.

Anyway.....

There are many many folks affected by bad
people in their lives, but not everyone has
turned to the dark side of life. Many have
used the choices available to them in life and
have applied helpful, healthier tools and
knowledge to better themselves and become
better folks in todays world.

Today, I still have no contact with my family
of origin except.....my sister, whom I just recently
wrote to her a week or so ago asking her if it
would be okay if we could have a line of communication
open between the 2 of us.

It was a something I felt I needed to do, because
someone....whom I felt touch my heart thru prayer.
My dad who passed away last yr. My dad whom,
I hadn't talked to for some time before or after he
left this world mainly because my mom told me to stay
away from him because he was hers.

Sooooo, I did. Sadly. It was my sick way of doing
what she wanted and not giving into her. Just let
her have her way. Even after all these yrs. I still
let her control me in my heart and mine.


I dont want to be like that. To live like that. And
Ive prayed about this all my life and recovery and
have placed her in God's Hands because I cant
handle her any longer.

Anyway.....

I just needed to reflect on your post today and
hopefully a lesson can be learned to incorporate
in my life at this time or down the road.
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SHARON B.
Baton Rouge, La.
8-11-90

I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
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