The inner battle.
“There are more people who wish to be loved than there are willing to love.” S. R. N. Chamfort
“You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.”
Psalm 18:35-36 NIV
David wrote the song that we call the eighteenth Psalm when the Lord delivered him from all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. God had brought David safely through many years of being on the run from King Saul and the army of Israel. God had told Samuel to anoint David as King even though Saul was still on the throne. It must have been a confusing time for the young man David. David knew all along that the battle belonged to the Lord, and after Saul had died in battle and David had become King, he gave credit where credit was due. The outward battle in David’s life had been victorious; it was the inward battle that he now faced that would turn out to be his greatest life-long challenge. There was a time in my life when I had overcome a great outward challenge only later to be defeated by my inward battles. I came home from Vietnam in 1968 after having spent a tour of duty as an airborne sergeant in a long-range recon unit. I completed one year of college in 1969 and decided to work for a while before I went back to school. I found a good job that required some walking, so I decided to exercise more to stay in shape. I bought a ten-speed bicycle and stared riding every day. I was soon riding 30 to 50 miles a day. In the summer of 1971 I decided to take a cross-country bicycle trip from Boulder to Kansas City. I planned a trip going north from Boulder, over into Nebraska, down into Kansas and across to Missouri. I made the ride in six days and on the last day I rode 170 miles. At that point in my life I felt like I could do anything. I had survived Vietnam, and was in great physical shape, I thought there was no obstacle to great for me. I remember one Saturday afternoon, the week I finished the bike trip, sitting in a bar and bragging on my trip. I felt like nothing could harm me so I bummed a Camel Cigarette, which led to picking up cigarettes again. I remember getting real drunk that day. I record in my memory that day as being the start of my inner battle that led me to complete defeat at the hands of alcohol and drugs. For the next twenty-five years the person that was so confident, and thought he could overcome anything, became a fearful drunken addict that could not keep his head above water for very long. There were times when I thought I was swimming pretty good, but then I would struggle and find myself once again gasping for air to stay alive. In the middle of my twenty-five year downward slide in life, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I thought my life will surly improve now, and it did. My spiritual life took direction and started to grow, but there were some thing in my personal life that I did not want to let go of. Smoking pot was one of them. That alone over the years kept me from having many blessings from God, and in time it always brought me back to alcohol and shooting dope. I was able to overcome great outward struggles, but the inward battle of self was being lost daily. Only after coming to complete defeat was I able to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. I knew of course that as I picked up the pieces that there were some pieces that I needed to leave lay. With the grace of a loving God, family that cares, an understanding church, AA and NA, and a sponsor that I can confide in, I have been able to continue in the grace and abundant life of God. September 12th it will be twenty years since I took a drink, smoked a joint, or shot any dope, I am truly grateful. God has done for me what I could not do for myself……………………………toad
“Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think is the root of our troubles.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62
Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association
Patriot Guard Riders
2007 Road King Classic
96 C.I. Six-speed
"God is doing for me what I could not do for myself"