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6 Resentments Before I Quit Smoking Cigarettes


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6 Resentments Before I Quit Smoking Cigarettes

Posted 06-25-2013 at 01:44 PM by wiscsober

Day 8

Suggested to do this the 1st day.

Kind of a 4th/5th step....first time addressing nicotine addiction and breaking the habit of smoking.

Thanks for reading!

1. When smoking my first morning cigarettes I worried and was angry when I gagged, dry heaved, coughed, vomited in the morning.

I worried that this pointed to some type of cancer of the stomach, esophagus, prancreas. I was angry because despite of this I continued to smoke for month. After the first three days my stomach problems disappeared.
My lab results came back normal.

2. It irritated me that I did not know how to quit smoking and stop the nicotine addiction, like I had with alcohol, pot, speed. I thought of myself a fake and dishonest when offering advice and suggestions to SR members, and people in my recovery community.

3. I resented begging, borrowing, and stealing money to buy cigarettes. My self-esteem remained poor because of the means I took to get cigarettes.

4. I was embarrased and secretive going out before sunrise and collecting half-burnt cigarettes from the gas station's ashtrays and the local tavern's receptables.

I didn't want my neighbors nor people going to work to see me. I was afraid someone might call the police because I was lurking around the tavern.

5. I treated smoking like I had been drinking after a relapse: I lied to my sponsor that I was still quit. I would brush my teeth, use gum, and spray my clothes with air freshener. I would hide cigarettes and ashtrays if my sponsor was coming over. I would tell my sponsor to lay off about the smoking, or I would be defensive and change the subject.

6. Like with alcohol, I went from smoking the most popular and expensive brand of cigarettes to a no-name generic cheaply priced cigarette.

Thanks for reading this....it was a mini-fifth step. Peace always.
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  1. Old Comment
    Peace x.

    Thanks for your honesty.
    Posted 06-28-2013 at 03:10 AM by kat1973 kat1973 is offline

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