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Just can't post anymore.

Posted 06-13-2010 at 07:46 PM by tyler

Haven't been around for a little bit now. As usual, been back out using. I managed to find a "legal" version of my DOC and I've been burning it for a couple months straight now. Been clean again for a couple of days and am gonna give it another shot.

I just don't feel like I have anything to contribute on the boards about this. I've been coming here for so long, and still can't seem to get it. It has been suggestet that, given my track record, perhaps I'd be better off listening and not giving advice. I guess I can't argue with that. I still need a place to get stuff out, so I guess this will be it.

I'm not sure why I felt it necessary to blow my almost 12 months of clean time, but I did. Never can seem to make those "milestones", it's why I say I don't count days...but I guess I was anyway. I guess I just got beaten down enough I though that a "legal" subsitiute would be "ok". That's not really true though. I knew it would be trouble, I guess it was a monent of not caring. I guess I'm still not sure if I care or not. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I know it's not gonna work that way, but I just can't seem to commit to anything in life.

Not sure why I'm writing any of this. Who cares
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Dee74's Avatar
    I think quite a few people care

    I think you have a lot to offer tyler - not everyones story is instant decision, instant resolve, and then happy and sober ever after...it takes a lot to change our lives and our selves and a lot of delving in dark corners that we may not want to...

    I took 15 years to get sober and stay that way...I spent a lot of time not caring, being angry, fill of self loathing and smoking and drinking and simply existing...the difference was I found SR at the end of all that.

    Ever since I got here I've known I'm better off on these boards than I am off them and left to my own devices and my own head.

    D
    permalink
    Posted 06-13-2010 at 08:10 PM by Dee74 Dee74 is offline
 


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