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DAY 66 - An Inner Struggle

Posted 03-05-2019 at 01:00 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcoholic , poem , sober , wine , wino



An Inner Struggle

I am lost.
I cannot seem to remember what led me here.
I walk naked and barefoot carefully over a thin sheet of fragile ice that covers water.
My vision is blurred.
A grey darkness is above and all around me.
I am trying to stop shaking from the stabbing wind chills.
I feel so alone but nobody is close to me so I do not bother screaming for help.
I just move, because that is the only thing
...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 65 - South Beach Miami

Posted 03-04-2019 at 08:02 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcohol , miami , sober , wine , wino

My husband flew my 14 y/o daughter and I out to Miami for this past weekend, he had been there all week for work. The benefit of having a husband traveling so much is that he has a ton of miles he can use to purchase tickets.

I managed to get the house, my daughter, the dogs and cat, and myself organized for just 2 nights away. Usually I am frantically running all over the place getting everyone ready for the trip with an open bottle of wine. This time I did it all sober, that...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 59 - Drunk Dreams

Posted 02-26-2019 at 07:24 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags dreams , drunk , mom , wine , wino

Have you ever had a dream (or nightmare) where you have given up on your sobriety and gave into a drink? I keep having those dreams. Last night I was wasted drunk in my dream and having a great time at a resort on a beach. Drink after drink, dancing and laughing and having a "what the hell" attitude. I didn't feel any remorse or regret in my dream. I wasn't worried about consequences. I didn't care that I was embarrassing myself. It was so vivid, like I still feel it actually...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 58 - What??? No!

Posted 02-25-2019 at 07:38 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags journey , mother , sober , wine , wino

I am a clean person. My husband and my 14 y/o daughter are super clean as well. My house is always clean. I do a big deep clean every weekend. So why on earth did I find lice in my daughter's hair last night?

I know. It has nothing to do with the fact if you shower every day. In fact, I read if you have greasy hair, lice will have a harder time clinging to the hair shaft. Gross and ugh yes, I see now. My daughter has extremely squeaky clean hair shafts for those little...
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Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 57 - Free Bird

Posted 02-24-2019 at 07:23 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcoholism , free , mom , wine , wino

My mood is somewhat stabilizing. I don't feel like I am on a roller coaster of emotions anymore. I don't feel bat sh*t crazy. It was extremely bad in the beginning, especially the first 30 days. I am close to 2 months sober now and not having to plan my days around my depression, anger, anxiety, loneliness and sadness. I am rarely having to fight off childhood memories, I think that's best part of reaching this far. I am able to be intimate with my husband, and actually allow myself to enjoy...
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