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DAY 90 - Against the Grain

Posted 03-29-2019 at 11:54 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Feeling pretty fantastic today! I don't post on my blog anymore because I feel like I have overcome so much and don't need this outlet to process all those crazy emotions. I am so strong now. I faced so much head on, I climbed the biggest mountain, reached the top, and I feel alive. I feel like a brand new person. I am terrified to go back to my old drinking habits, and that is basically what keeps me sober.

What it means to me to be sober is that I am not drinking socially,...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 58 - What??? No!

Posted 02-25-2019 at 07:38 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags journey , mother , sober , wine , wino

I am a clean person. My husband and my 14 y/o daughter are super clean as well. My house is always clean. I do a big deep clean every weekend. So why on earth did I find lice in my daughter's hair last night?

I know. It has nothing to do with the fact if you shower every day. In fact, I read if you have greasy hair, lice will have a harder time clinging to the hair shaft. Gross and ugh yes, I see now. My daughter has extremely squeaky clean hair shafts for those little...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 17 - The Guilt of a Drunk Parent

Posted 01-15-2019 at 12:09 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , guilt , mother , pain , sober

I just got back from taking my 14 year old daughter to get an ultra sound done on her lower and upper abdomen. She has suffered from chronic, severe stomach pain since she was little, and it's not because she is constipated. She has had episodes where she is shaking and has convulsions, where she thinks she is going to die. I am not being dramatic, she has literally asked me if she was dying. It's very scary as a parent to not be able to answer that question when your little girl is having...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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Day 32 - I want to go home.

Posted 04-16-2017 at 09:03 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , god , mother , relapse , wine

I pray to God every day, that I had a different life, and didn't have this constant, loud voice telling me it would be so much better if I had a drink in my hand. Maybe I'll be sober one day for good. I know it's not happening here in Texas, surrounded by temptations left and right. I want to go home, back to Washington, to my husband. It's weird because I've absolutely hated the past 8 months since our move to Seattle. What a lonely life since my move to Washington. At least it's easier...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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Day 27 - I'd rather...

Posted 04-11-2017 at 04:30 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcoholic , baby , mother , wine

Dance at night on the dewy lawn,
Listen to a No Doubt song.

Tip toe through a field of butterflies,
Stand underneath the star lit skies.

Float on a tube down the river,
Get used to the water as I shiver.

Ride a bike on the boardwalk,
Meet new friends, hang out and talk.

Watch a punk band put on a fun show,
Sneak up to the very front row.

Hold my brand new baby for the first time,
...
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LoveHateMerlot
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