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DAY 17 - The Guilt of a Drunk Parent

Posted 01-15-2019 at 01:09 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , guilt , mother , pain , sober

I just got back from taking my 14 year old daughter to get an ultra sound done on her lower and upper abdomen. She has suffered from chronic, severe stomach pain since she was little, and it's not because she is constipated. She has had episodes where she is shaking and has convulsions, where she thinks she is going to die. I am not being dramatic, she has literally asked me if she was dying. It's very scary as a parent to not be able to answer that question when your little girl is having...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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Day 10 - Libido

Posted 01-08-2019 at 07:55 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Honestly I have never in my life disclosed on social media or a website about my status of sexuality. I don't know the rules about discussing here, either, so I am going to keep it relatively mild. If you get offended easily, stop here...

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I started drinking at the young age of 16. I lost my virginity the same year.

After my mother found out that my birth father was abusing my two older sisters, she immediately...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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DAY 5 - Friends and Cocktails

Posted 01-03-2019 at 10:03 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

5 days sober! Good feelings about myself are starting to trickle in. I woke up with a "Sober for Life" mission, still, so that's awesome. I feel achey, though. My liver and pancreas hurt so I continue to take all my supplements: mushroom powder, matcha green powder, Vegan plant protein powder, enzyme support, liver support, probiotic and multi vitamins. I know it's a little wishful thinking that I can erase 26 years of damage. Anyways, today I would like to talk about my close...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
Views 98 Comments 1 LoveHateMerlot is offline
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Day 1 - Again

Posted 04-23-2017 at 10:25 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags day one , drunk , sober , wine , wino

Here we go again. Sober 24 hours.

Drinking for the past week. Such a slippery slope. My Texas trip was not a good idea. I need to get sober for at least a good amount of time before I even think about visiting again. One drink opens the flood gates. I have done this a hundred times. I subconsciously knew that margarita would send me back down into a whirlwind. I had a dream a couple nights ago that stuck with me. I was drowning in a river, there were waves knocking me down...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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Day 32 - I want to go home.

Posted 04-16-2017 at 10:03 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , god , mother , relapse , wine

I pray to God every day, that I had a different life, and didn't have this constant, loud voice telling me it would be so much better if I had a drink in my hand. Maybe I'll be sober one day for good. I know it's not happening here in Texas, surrounded by temptations left and right. I want to go home, back to Washington, to my husband. It's weird because I've absolutely hated the past 8 months since our move to Seattle. What a lonely life since my move to Washington. At least it's easier...
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LoveHateMerlot
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