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DAY 5 - Friends and Cocktails

Posted 01-03-2019 at 10:03 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

5 days sober! Good feelings about myself are starting to trickle in. I woke up with a "Sober for Life" mission, still, so that's awesome. I feel achey, though. My liver and pancreas hurt so I continue to take all my supplements: mushroom powder, matcha green powder, Vegan plant protein powder, enzyme support, liver support, probiotic and multi vitamins. I know it's a little wishful thinking that I can erase 26 years of damage. Anyways, today I would like to talk about my close...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
Views 123 Comments 1 LoveHateMerlot is offline
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Day 1 - Again

Posted 04-23-2017 at 10:25 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags day one , drunk , sober , wine , wino

Here we go again. Sober 24 hours.

Drinking for the past week. Such a slippery slope. My Texas trip was not a good idea. I need to get sober for at least a good amount of time before I even think about visiting again. One drink opens the flood gates. I have done this a hundred times. I subconsciously knew that margarita would send me back down into a whirlwind. I had a dream a couple nights ago that stuck with me. I was drowning in a river, there were waves knocking me down...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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Day 32 - I want to go home.

Posted 04-16-2017 at 10:03 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , god , mother , relapse , wine

I pray to God every day, that I had a different life, and didn't have this constant, loud voice telling me it would be so much better if I had a drink in my hand. Maybe I'll be sober one day for good. I know it's not happening here in Texas, surrounded by temptations left and right. I want to go home, back to Washington, to my husband. It's weird because I've absolutely hated the past 8 months since our move to Seattle. What a lonely life since my move to Washington. At least it's easier...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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Day 20 - Bruises

Posted 04-05-2017 at 09:48 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags bruises , drunk , mom , wine

(due to technical issues on the site, posting late)

I cannot tell you how many bruises I have had throughout my drinking days. It was kind of like a game, 'Name That Bruise'. I would wake up and think super duper hard, where the heck did that come from? I'm so lucky I never lost a tooth or broke my nose. I would wake up and have bruises on my cheekbones, my nose would be tender, and I would lay there the next morning in bed trying to remember where did I fall this time? I kind of...
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LoveHateMerlot
Posted in Diary of Wino
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Day 18 - Hope!

Posted 04-02-2017 at 10:43 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , hope , mom , sober , wine

It's getting better. I am here to tell you it does get better. I'm not ever going to be healed from alcoholism, and now I know that sobriety is the only way to live for an alcoholic. I had quit so many times in the past, and convinced myself that I'm not as bad as other alcoholics (look I have wine in a fancy glass you see) but the truth was 1) I was making excuses to drink again, 2) I could easily get worse than what I was, and 3) there is no spectrum with alcoholism, it's yes or no. It's...
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