Serenity8

So, the husband is in Outpatient Rehab as of last week. It has been exactly what I've hoped for for over 2 years. So why am I so calm about it? Why do I feel like it won't even make a difference?

Lately I've been remembering all the crappy things that have been done and said over the years. Me knowing that THIS wasn't the way it was SUPPOSED to be but having no idea what the core issue was. Him just getting angry at me for prying, and constantly running away from me. We've been...

This is the hardest part for me. The weekends, where my husband is home and all he wants to do is sleep all day, then he'll wake up later agitated that he didn't "do" anything and be disgusted with himself.

And my kids just want to be around him. They will sit on his body on top of the couch and watch TV, just to be near him. I want to go out and do things but they want to "stay" with him. But I can't leave them here, they are too young to look after themselves...

Ah, finally a day when you feel like the long, gray winter is a distant memory. A gloriously sunny, warm day. The kind of day you want to go on and on and on.

I was out in the backyard with my 3 y.o., looking at our wooden swingset and annoyed that AH hasn't re-stained it. And then I realize - WHY am I expecting HIM to do anything? I can do it. It'll be tricky because I'll need to watch the kids while I do it, but I can go to a hardware store, ask about the materials I need and...

I try to remember that one day at a time doesn't mean acting like there is no tomorrow, but just that I need to be the best, most productive person I can be today.

I go through the motions like everything is ok, but really I want to bury myself under my covers and sleep for a week straight. I just try to act like everything is ok for the kids' sake. I hate this feeling of limbo, I really REALLY need to find the time to finish the divorce paperwork.

I can't believe...

I heard that song by Supertramp on my way home from an errand tonight. When I sang it for the school with my 6th grade choir, I am sure I didn't understand what the words meant. But man, can I relate now.

Today was odd; my dad is chronically ill and about to move into an independent senior living facility. He is completely overwhelmed with all he has to do to move, so I went there this morning to help him purge some stuff. He has COPD so he can't lift anything or do anything quickly,...