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Hi All,

This is my first blog ever. I'm not exactly sure how they are supposed to work, but I do know they are a place to write down whatever you want.

W'm using this one as a test blog, and a place to put down my thoughts and feelings about my life, my recovery, my beliefs, and how I stay clean and in touch with God on a day to day basis.

Right now, I'm crying because something is going on with my oldest daughter (amanda). I posted about it in women in recovery, but the jist of it is, she called my other daughter (toni)hysterical and panicky, begging toni to come and get her as fast as she can, but don't tell mom and dad. and that she's hurt in the heart. I sure it has something to do with her and her fiance, and my head is taking me in all directions. I wish she would have called me to come get her. Toni told me she would call me as soon as she got Amanda, and try to talk amanda into coming to my house, but the waiting is driving me crazy. And, Toni isn't very reliable when it comes to following through on phone calls. It's been about a 1/2 hour since Toni called me, I don't know how long to wait before I call Amanda myself. Toni doesn't have a cell phone, so I can't call her.

My youngest son, is a help, he keeps coming in
and climbing on the bed, and telling me he loves me. He's a good kid, all my kids are pretty good for the most part, they make me worry. Well, I should say Toni's good, but she does the wrong things (she's actively using).

Please keep us in your prayers. I need to go and pray for my daughter and for that phone call.

Laurie
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update

Posted 07-05-2009 at 07:58 PM by namommy

Well, the daughter thing was totally stupid. I stayed up all night for nothing.

Yesterday was her 5 year anniversary with her fiance. They went to a party at someone's house for the 4th, and she got drunk and wanted to cuddle, and he was hanging out with the guys and talking and didn't want to cuddle at that moment. He said when they get home.

She started a huge fight with him, and blew everything out of proportion, and dragged her sister out at the middle of the night for nothing. Basically after her sister got her home, she called her fiance and told him he had to bring her car home NOW. iT was more or less a waay to get him to come home.

She made her sister spend the night there, while she and her fiance fought all night, until her sister finally convinced her into going to bed and got her to sleep.

I do worry that my oldest daughter has a drinking problem, because she does drink every weekend and she drinks to the point that she is totally drunk. she either gets like this,or she pukes and passes out.

She is still making her sister promise not to tell me. She needs to put up this illussion of living a perfect life, and she is afraid of letting anyone know that there are some bumps in her life. She doesn't realize that this is normal and no one has a perfect life.

My mom raised her, and that was how it has always been in my family. We have to put on the illusion of being the perfect family with no problems and no skeletons in the closet.

You can only imagine what my addiction did to our perfect little famly. I was only allowed to show up to get some food or clean clothes in the middle of the night so the neighbors wouldn't see me. They left stuff in a bag on the porch for me to pick up and leave right away.

Unfortunately, my parents raised my oldest daughter while I was using and they managed to brainwash her into believing that this is what you are supposed to do.

It's actually hurting her and causing more harm.

It still breaks my heart that my daughter is hurting behind closed doors and won't talk to anyone about it to get help.

Laurie
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