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Wisdom while drinking......

Posted 01-21-2009 at 11:22 AM by lunarise

For almost a year before I stopped drinking which was recently, I read a lot of self help/spiritual books about how to make my life better. I thought if I gained enough knowledge about the right sort of way to be that it would make getting sober (which is what I wanted), easier. I read The Four Agreements, Loving What Is, Self Matters, The Art of Happiness, while these books may now be of use to me they were of no consequence while I was drinking. I took in the information but I couldn't put it into practice. Besides, part of the time I would read while I was f**ked up, how ridiculous is that? The peace I realize now that I had been looking for was the peace and quiet that comes from feeling respect for yourself and taking care of yourself. the fight in me was strong, one part yelling for numbness and the other yelling to let it cry a river. One night I woke up in the middle of the night and was sober but couldn't:dancer5::dancer5: sleep so I decided to watch a movie. Silly me, ended up watching The Notebook, ughhhh so sad. Anyway I was fine till the end of the movie at which point my body decided that it needed release so instead of crying for 2 minutes about the oh so sad scene at the end, i balled for like 45 minutes! Afterward I felt so cleansed, all that build up just came bursting out, I cried like a little girl. That was probably a month ago or so. I have now been sober for 9 days. I'm thinking maybe I should watch it again. I am not used to letting my emotions roll out on their own anymore, they need guidance, they need the permission to come out and then maybe a little coercing, but I don't mind, as long as I get the release. It feels like rain after a drought on my soul, it feels like the first Spring day, it feels real......there's my ramble for the day
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  1. Old Comment
    eachdayagift's Avatar
    hi vivid, i feel ya...I used to read self help books when I was drinking and managed to fix some other areas of my life, but all the while I knew why things in my life weren't going how I wanted them to...duh put the drink down! It feels good to just cry sometimes. There's gotta be some outlet for all of those emotions.
    We have the same quit date..yeah!! It's been a month and I'm doing ok, not great, but I'll get there.
    Thanks for your post, keep up the good work!
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    Posted 02-13-2009 at 04:48 PM by eachdayagift eachdayagift is offline
 


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