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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
Diary of Wino
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DAY 53 - God's Grace

Posted 02-20-2019 at 04:35 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags god , grace , love , miracle , power

Seriously so much is on my plate I don't even have time to think about alcohol. Okay, I do, still, all the time. It's a lifelong commitment, I know it's never going away.

Yesterday morning, I prayed for my daughter, and God made something GREAT happen. It's a very long story, but basically a stalker who says he was in love with my daughter came after me, stalked me, then wrote about me on Reddit. He sent me an email with a link. He said I was an attractive 42 y/o who '"dapples"...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 52 - Prayers for my Daughter

Posted 02-19-2019 at 09:07 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Today I dedicate this day to my oldest daughter. May God heal her pain. May He embrace her so tight that she feels joy and love radiating throughout her entire soul. That she may see that tomorrow is hope. Today is a gift. That she is gift. That she looks in the mirror and she sees her reflection as pure beauty. I pray to you God that she feels my love for her. She doesn't feel alone. She finds true happiness. That she takes down the walls. That she starts to allow the good people to come...
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DAY 51 - Blood Test Results

Posted 02-18-2019 at 08:45 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

I reached out to my 20 y/o daughter last night via text. She is beautiful, inside and out, but is dealing with her own demons. It's been a week since her last 3:00 am episode. Her boyfriend FaceTimed me while she was trying to kill herself (drunk). I just simply texted her last night, "how are you?". I had originally made a decision to just be here for her, and not make an effort to try to save her anymore. It's painful and it's so hard to act normal like everything is okay around...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 50 - Desires Versus Reality

Posted 02-17-2019 at 10:26 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , sober , sobriety , wine , wino

Desires....

Orange Mimosas at brunch.
Menage a Tois Merlot while cooking.
Dirty martini at a night club.
Guiness on tap at an Irish pub.
Fat Tire at a football game.
Mambo Taxi margaritas at Mi Cosina.
Frozen Tom Collins on the beach.

Reality....

Shitfaced on the floor.

You can't have one, you would drink 5, then end up feeling like arse and full of shame the next morning. There is so much more to life
...
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DAY 48 - Skin

Posted 02-15-2019 at 03:27 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Appreciating
This vessel that I live in
Temporarily
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LoveHateMerlot
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