DAY 75 - Have Mercy? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 75 - Have Mercy?

Posted 03-14-2019 at 08:03 AM by LoveHateMerlot

I have come to learn that I carry strength inside of me that I can instantly tap into when it's a matter of life and death with my children. I have been through so much, so much pain, that I am using everything inside to fight. My daughter was strangled last Saturday night and her boyfriend is now in jail. He tried to kill her. If she had not yelled at their Uber driver to call 911 as he pulled her out of the vehicle and threw her into the bushes, she may not be alive today. She couldn't breathe. He was on top of her in the bushes, choking her. As soon as he heard the sirens he ran off, but luckily they caught up to him. He was so drunk, he drank a half a bottle of tequila, straight. My daughter has been staying with me, I've been letting her talk and process it all. He is going to get out soon. I'm more concerned that she will take him back. He calls from jail. He is sorry for what he has done, he has remorse, but I think it will happen again.

He called me from jail. I told him I know he feels alone, cold, sad, and scared. He said he was so sorry. I told him that I was angry, that he tried to take my daughter's breath away after I gave her life. I told him I still care about him as a human and I'd be here when he got out, if he wanted to talk and could help him find therapy. He doesn't have a good relationship with his family. My daughter just confessed that he's been conning, lying, cheating, stealing, raping, and abusing for years to so many people, and now her.

I haven't been a good human many times. I haven't strangled or raped or abused anyone, but I've done my share of bad things. I have sympathy for people who suffer from mental illness, because I have suffered since birth. Nobody asks to be born with this chemical imbalance. Maybe he needs to go to jail for a long time to change? Do I forgive him and help him? What if my daughter takes him back? What if he can't change?

I pray that God hears me now. Let my little girl carry the strength to say know. Let her see her worth. Please give her a chance at having a life worth living. Please take away her pain. Please give her the power to say no to this toxic human.
Posted in Diary of Wino
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