DAY 66 - An Inner Struggle - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 66 - An Inner Struggle

Posted 03-05-2019 at 01:00 PM by LoveHateMerlot
Tags alcoholic , poem , sober , wine , wino



An Inner Struggle

I am lost.
I cannot seem to remember what led me here.
I walk naked and barefoot carefully over a thin sheet of fragile ice that covers water.
My vision is blurred.
A grey darkness is above and all around me.
I am trying to stop shaking from the stabbing wind chills.
I feel so alone but nobody is close to me so I do not bother screaming for help.
I just move, because that is the only thing I remember; to just move forward.
I am surrounded by emptiness and nothingness.
I take another small step and the ice begins to make a sound.
My heart is pounding so hard that I fear the vibration will shatter the ice below my feet.
I pause and take a deep and slow breath.
Nothing happens.
I take a step and I do not hear anything.
As soon as a spark of hope enters, it quickly exits.
A dark shadow beneath is furiously swimming in a circle around me.
It wants me.
I cannot breath.
My chest is heavy.
I cannot move.
I want to die.
The circles are getting smaller and smaller.
I cannot think.
I want to shed this skin and leave this frightened body.
I try not to look down but I need to gauge how much time I have left.
I look up and beg God to do something.
Please.
Help me.
Am I forgiven?
Am I supposed to suffer?
I look back down and the large shadow is gone.
I push forward with every last drop of strength I have in me.
I finally reach the snow.
I fall.
I stare up into the heavens as the snowflakes fall onto my cheeks.
I cannot seem to remember what led me here.
I am lost.
Posted in Diary of Wino
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