DAY 58 - What??? No! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information


Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

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DAY 58 - What??? No!

Posted 02-25-2019 at 08:38 AM by LoveHateMerlot
Tags journey , mother , sober , wine , wino

I am a clean person. My husband and my 14 y/o daughter are super clean as well. My house is always clean. I do a big deep clean every weekend. So why on earth did I find lice in my daughter's hair last night?

I know. It has nothing to do with the fact if you shower every day. In fact, I read if you have greasy hair, lice will have a harder time clinging to the hair shaft. Gross and ugh yes, I see now. My daughter has extremely squeaky clean hair shafts for those little suckers to swing on in a dessert storm. I psychotically read on the internet last night ALL about lice: how to kill lice and nits, how long do lice live away from host, what essential oils kill lice and nits, what is the life cycle, etc. So my mother gave me an all natural based solution and then afterward I applied olive oil, tea tree oil, eucalyptus oil, rubbing alcohol, and witch hazel. I carefully applied it all over, coming fine sections one by one, trying to comb those nits out. Those little f*ckers!!! I kept wondering is this dandruff? Maybe it's dandruff and I am crazy? She hasn't been itching at all. But no, I am pretty sure they are nits because they are sticking to the hair. I wrapped her hair up in the solution in a bun, and securely wrapped it with a plastic bag and a clip to attempt to suffocate them for 2 hours, even though I read a fun fact that they can hold their breath for an amazing 8 hours.

Well, my day yesterday started out awesome, but it quickly turned to sh*t. Not because of the lice, which I didn't find out until later. My day turned quickly when a friend bailed on me. We were supposed to meet for coffee and cheesecake, but she told me her parents were coming over instead. She has lied to me several times before and accidentally told on herself after the fact, and basically cancels on me if something better comes along. As a sober friend, I am even that much less of a fun option to her. She'd prefer to drink mimosas all day Sunday. Who am I kidding, so would I.

As soon as I could tell she was lying to me, which she usually makes it a quick text, versus a fun and lengthy text, I just gave her a thumbs up emoji. My husband was out all day playing frisbee golf with his friend, even though he left for Miami this morning for an all week business trip. I immediately felt isolated. My day was spent on the couch binge watching Ray Donovan. I felt frozen, I could barely breathe, and my chest was super heavy. I tried to shake it, but it wouldn't leave me.

I have a lot of friends, but not any that I can open up to about what I am going through right now. I can't talk to them about a sober journey, and how hard it is, and how isolated it makes you feel inside. I have tried but they all tell me that I don't have a problem, and to just have "one drink". I am actually scared to be around people because of this pressure. I am scared I'll cave in. I'll just have "one drink". Then another. Then another. Then another.
Posted in Diary of Wino
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