DAY 51 - Blood Test Results - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 51 - Blood Test Results

Posted 02-18-2019 at 07:45 AM by LoveHateMerlot

I reached out to my 20 y/o daughter last night via text. She is beautiful, inside and out, but is dealing with her own demons. It's been a week since her last 3:00 am episode. Her boyfriend FaceTimed me while she was trying to kill herself (drunk). I just simply texted her last night, "how are you?". I had originally made a decision to just be here for her, and not make an effort to try to save her anymore. It's painful and it's so hard to act normal like everything is okay around people. I still want my daughter to know that I am here and that I love her. She replied that she is good and that she is getting engaged. She also said she isn't ready to talk about what happened a week ago but she was sorry I witnessed it. She needs to stay sober and she needs therapy. She refuses. I just told her that whenever she was ready, I am here not to judge but to listen and I understand what she is going through, and that I wasn't always the best role model some days. She has literally known this boy for 2 months. He has taken care of her during her episodes, recently when she accused him of trying to choke and rape her. He didn't, I was on FaceTime with them during the episode when he was trying to stop her from swallowing a razor blade. Now she wants to get married? Why on earth do they need to get married? I was terrified of marriage and divorce since my mother was married 3 times, and my sperm bank donor was married 4 times. I didn't get married until I turned 30. Why on earth does she think marriage will fix her addiction and mental illness? She needs to work on herself before she can truly love someone else. God I hope she isn't pregnant.

My blood test results were emailed to me last night. Great news, my full panel came back normal. All my organs...including my liver....are functioning properly. I have a normal count of white and red blood cells. My thyroid looks normal. Everything. A lot of tests were ran, so those are just a couple to mention. I am relieved beyond measure. I have been so worried about my liver and the damage I had caused. I am encouraged to stay sober, to treat this body as a gift from God instead of trashing it. We are all gifts from God. We all deserve to feel alive. I suffer from so much internal agony, self hate, and loneliness. Since I have been sober for 51 days, I have felt peace and more love in myself than ever before. Now I am living. I am a survivor.
Posted in Diary of Wino
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