DAY 37 - Boobs - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 37 - Boobs

Posted 02-04-2019 at 09:14 PM by LoveHateMerlot
Tags cancer , sober , sobriety , wine , wino

Just another sober day here. I woke up to a second day of sunshine in blue skies. It was short lived, as we head back to cold weather and dark skies again tomorrow. I was able to finish my 5th real estate course today, with a big exam tomorrow, then all is left is my 6th course before my final licensing exam. Big road ahead, full of dreams.

I have been to a couple specialists to see where I am at health wise, after getting sober. I wanted to make sure that I knew what damage I caused, so I could monitor from here on out. So I do need to go in to get blood drawn for a panel my gynecologist ordered, to check all my inner organs, I'll probably pop over tomorrow morning. I feel pretty good inside, so much pain that I had in my liver, heart, pancreas and kidneys are all now practically all subsided.

The bad news is that I have had a lump in my breast that has significantly increased in size since the last 8 years. I have had a couple mammograms and ultra sounds since I turned 35 to follow up and watch it closely. So far so good, until I got a call this morning.

Earlier in January I had gotten an ultra sound and a mammogram, because it had been 2 years since my last check up. The radiologist came and and told me everything looked good and they still did not think it was cancer, that it was benign dense fibrous tissue. I was elated.

This morning I received a call from the Imaging place to let me know that after they received images from 2 years ago, the radiologist compared my current images. He found something. They told me that he needed me to come in immediately to repeat an ultra sound.

So, today, I find out that there is a "cluster" of suspicious cells, not even related to the lump that I am monitoring. The radiologist is a different guy than the last one. He only has one arm and I am trying to just stare directly into his eyes while he is telling me his concerns as I just try and focus and all these questions rush into my head like, "I wonder if it was cancer, he is definitely from the Middle East I wonder if he lost it as a child, or maybe he was in the army and encountered a bomb?" Come on stay focused, he is trying to explain that you may have cancer in your boob.

I didn't hear what he was saying so after asking some questions he seemed irritated and could probably tell I wasn't listening at all. He told me that I needed to see the Oncologist Breast Surgeon to have a biopsy done, that was going to be in his report and his recommendation to the doctor. I heard him loud and clear and just kind of thought, "Oh sh*t."

So that's where I am today. In good spirits though! Replacing those negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Oh and something positive did happen that I am very excited about. My new neighbor who just moved in asked me to come to her book club next week, they are reading 'Girl Wash Your Face'. I heard it's a really great read, and definitely in a good place to absorb the message.
Posted in Diary of Wino
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