DAY 26 - Venting at 10pm - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 26 - Venting at 10pm

Posted 01-24-2019 at 08:14 PM by LoveHateMerlot
Updated 01-25-2019 at 06:10 AM by LoveHateMerlot

I am a carpenter and I build things. Men at Lowe's underestimate me. I own a lot of power tools. We bought a house last March. I am currently remodeling our house on top of finishing up real estate school. My husband has a full time job, but he has built a retaining wall in the backyard and helped with some demolition and electrical stuff in a bathroom. Over the summer, I laid hardwood throughout the ENTIRE upstairs. I did it all by myself, I did not get any help at all. I estimated that it would have cost about $12,000 to hire someone, but only cost me $1400 for the supplies. Not one threshold and smooth transitions into bedrooms and closets. I have completely replaced the stairway railing using my very own design, replacing the risers and treads. A couple months ago I remodeled the entire guest bathroom, I installed tile on the floor and all over the shower floor and walls, too.

TODAY...

My day starts at 6 am. I make coffee then breakfast for my daughter, I feed the dogs, wash everyone's dirty dishes that they did not take care of, pick up empty cans and trash, unload the dishwasher then load it, then take my daughter to school. I come home, and by 9 I am finally able to sit and do my real estate school work. At noon I strip the beds and wash the sheets and blankets. I vacuum the dog hair up from downstairs. I go to the grocery to pick up a couple things for meals for the next few days, some laundry soap and bleach. I unload the groceries. I spend another hour studying for my test tomorrow. By 3:30 I leave to go pick up my daughter from school, she decides to hang out with her friends instead of coming to the car so I sit for 30 minutes waiting on her. I talk to her about how it is rude to make me sit and wait for her, and she doesn't really care. We get back home by 4:15. I make an early dinner because I need to take my daughter to Hip Hop at 5:45, it's a 30 minute drive there, sit and wait for an hour class, and 30 minute drive back. On the drive home my daughter is asking me when I can take her swimming this weekend, if she can go to the movies with friends tomorrow night, and if she can hang out with her new (and first) boyfriend on Sunday. That sounds like more "them" time, and no "me" time. My husband is under the impression that I sit and have all day to myself, because I am studying "at my own pace". Ha! The pressure from him alone makes me panicky that I try my hardest to speed through the material as quickly as possible to start earning my own paycheck again! (I've always had a job before this, btw) We get home from Hip Hop at 7:45. I want wine, so instead I do an hour of yoga. As I am doing yoga, my husband is talking to me, pouting that I am not sitting next to him. I put the sheets on my daughter's bed and find drinks and food in her room after I fight with her about it all the time. I want wine so bad. Right now. I am pissed off that I do this EVERY day, these are what my days look like EVERY day. I am either cooking, remodeling, studying, cleaning, driving, grocery shopping, scheduling and taking my daughter to the gastroenterologist, dentist, dermatologist, eye doctor appointments. It is almost 10:00, and I still WANT WINE. This sucks.
Posted in Diary of Wino
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