DAY 5 - Friends and Cocktails - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 5 - Friends and Cocktails

Posted 01-03-2019 at 09:03 AM by LoveHateMerlot

5 days sober! Good feelings about myself are starting to trickle in. I woke up with a "Sober for Life" mission, still, so that's awesome. I feel achey, though. My liver and pancreas hurt so I continue to take all my supplements: mushroom powder, matcha green powder, Vegan plant protein powder, enzyme support, liver support, probiotic and multi vitamins. I know it's a little wishful thinking that I can erase 26 years of damage. Anyways, today I would like to talk about my close drunk friends and cocktails, and how it's time to put me first, no matter how bad I miss someone. I am getting invites to hang out, and even an invite for a March girls trip.....Eeeeeek!

First of all, my close drunk friends are a lot like me, and I love them dearly. They get up in the morning, highly functioning throughout their jobs, careers, and such. Some even work out. Some are married with children. They go on nice family vacations. They meet for dinner and shopping. Wine seems to be a very popular vice among mommies, and society has deemed it as if it were a staple to have in our homes.

I make excuses to drink with my friends. From celebrating birthday parties, holidays, new jobs, not seeing each other for a while, to vent about arguments with my husband, to try out a new restaurant, etc. The nagging thing on my mind is if and when I was going to get my first glass of red wine, and then my mind was set on when I was getting my second glass, then third, fourth.... Some friend, heh?

I easily start having a panic attack thinking of how to handle these conversations with my friends who invite me out. Do I say it before I meet them? "I am sober." I know one in particular is going to give me a hard time for sure about not drinking, she wasn't supportive of me being sober before because she lost a drinking buddy. I am so easily influenced, especially when someone tells me that I am crazy for thinking I am an alcoholic.

Today is Thursday, and Mom drunks like me know that sure you may make it sober during the week "occasionally" with extreme efforts of depression, anger, anxiety and panic attacks but when Friday hits, that is a totally different ball game we are dealing with. You think about all your friends getting dressed up super cute, doing their hair and makeup, trying out that new bar and restaurant you've been dying to check out, maybe a little drunk shopping. (unfortunately that is not how the night ends there for me) Honestly it would be best if the husband, 14 year old and dogs and I go very far away for the weekend. So when I get an invite from a drunk friend I can easily respond, "I'm sorry I am out of town! Maybe next week!"

Let me paint a not so pretty picture of what would happen on Friday night if I buckled. Hypothetically, I say yes to my friend to meet for drinks starting at 4:00 pm, after we pick up the kids from school and leave with our husbands or mothers. We catch up at the bar somewhere for "cocktails", laughing and giggling at life and our hardships. 3 drinks later we decide to go to a restaurant to eat, we have about 2-3 glasses of wine. After we are done eating we go to a different bar and have some more "cocktails". It's been 6 hours of drinking, 10:00pm now, not sure how many drinks I am in, and we are tired and ready to say goodbye. So she thinks. I am not ready to stop. I am just getting this party started! So I text my niece to see if she wants to meet up at our local bar hangout? She meets me and by now it's 10:30. I am drunk, but do my best to act normal. I go in the bathroom, wet a napkin and go over my face, reapply my lipstick, and maybe some eye drops. I order more wine. I know the bartender, she always gives me a huge discount, because I give her big tips (tips that I cannot afford but drunk me thinks I can). After 2 glasses of wine, I feel woozy and need to leave IMMEDIATELY. Sometimes I just leave without saying goodbye. Sometimes I'll go to a random bar alone after I meet up with friends. Sometimes I pick up a bottle of wine on my way home after meeting with friends to get wasted drunk and fight with my sober husband.

I watch Orange County and Dallas Housewives tv shows and it's so obvious to me that there are similar women out there doing the exact same thing. If they slip up several times on camera, just think what is really going on at home when the cameras are turned off.

I hate that I have made "going out with friends for cocktails" a normal thing in my head, because it is the most toxic sabatoge I can do upon myself.

PEACE OUT! Until tomorrow! xoxoxoxo!
Posted in Diary of Wino
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  1. Old Comment
    LoveHateMerlot's Avatar
    #wine #drunk #friends #sabotage #alcohol #alcoholic #sober #sobriety #drunkmoms #winos #help #support
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    Posted 01-03-2019 at 09:10 AM by LoveHateMerlot LoveHateMerlot is offline
 


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