Day 1 - Again - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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Day 1 - Again

Posted 04-23-2017 at 10:25 PM by LoveHateMerlot
Tags day one , drunk , sober , wine , wino

Here we go again. Sober 24 hours.

Drinking for the past week. Such a slippery slope. My Texas trip was not a good idea. I need to get sober for at least a good amount of time before I even think about visiting again. One drink opens the flood gates. I have done this a hundred times. I subconsciously knew that margarita would send me back down into a whirlwind. I had a dream a couple nights ago that stuck with me. I was drowning in a river, there were waves knocking me down and back under. I couldn't breathe. I think the river was made of wine.

Last night I chose Chardonnay, because it's lighter, and somehow made sense to me that at least I wasn't drinking my favorite Merlot. I drank 2 bottles. I haven't drank that much in a very long time. I got so sick and hid in the bathroom for a while. I decided that I was going to be sober today, and I knew I would feel sick today, it would be easier to stay sober.

I decided to contact an addiction specialist tomorrow morning, asap, to help me stay sober this time around. I have never spoken to a professional about my addiction, so it's time.

God has been blessing me with so many miracles left and right, I'm pretty sure to show me that I have a beautiful life. Despite 1) having my 18 year old daughter constantly texting me how much she loves, appreciates, and misses me, 2) successfully stopped traffic in order to save a mama duck and her 20 ducklings cross a busy road, and 3) my 12 year old finally finding a group of friends her age that she can ride bikes with in our new neighborhood after 8 months of living here, I still drank wine last night.

God please save me. Please give me the strength to move forward and truly live my life.
Posted in Diary of Wino
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