Day 11 - Time Tells - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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Day 11 - Time Tells

Posted 03-26-2017 at 09:46 PM by LoveHateMerlot
Tags kids , mom , sober , time , wine

Last night around midnight my 12 year old came to wake me up. She was crying, having an emotional break down. Before I went to bed last night, she was up pretty late (being a Sat night) playing Minecraft and Skyping one of her friends. I told her to come wake me up when she was ready for me to tuck her in. After midnight, all of a sudden, she called me, waking me up from a deep sleep. I was so worried I had no idea what was going on. If this happened 12 or more nights ago, I would have 1) not woke up depending if I drank 2 bottles that evening, 2) worried that I did or said something bad while I was drunk, 3) still drunk and not able to be there 100% as I should be. Wow! To be sober and present and be here for my daughter is such a huge blessing. I listened to my daughter as she cried, she was sobbing that she is lonely here in Washington and wants to move back to Texas. She misses her friends, cousins, aunts and her MiMi. As she spoke, I understood every single word, and was able to clearly explain that time heals all wounds and we will meet so many new people here. If this was 2 weeks ago, I would have mumbled something that she may or may not understand, "It fine go bed."

Today, I take that experience last night and compare it to a recent evening I had with her a couple weeks ago. I know what I need to do to in order to stay on the path. My children are my world. I cannot fail them.

My mother was a heavy drinker as I grew up, wine every night, Chardonnay. I remember smelling it on her breath. I don't remember her being there for me, I actually have blacked out most of my childhood. They say it's your brain protecting yourself from the truth. Well I swore I would not do it to my own children, and here I am with an 18 year old and a 12 year old. What the hell was I thinking?

I'm not going to lie, today I was depressed, but I got out of bed at 6:00 am, managed to take a shower, and forced myself to clean the garage. I was having a hard time mostly with my 18 year old, making some really disturbing choices. I also do not know why, but my husband is acting weird. He is short-tempered at times and stand-offish. I am wondering is this new with my sobriety or was I just blinded this entire time by my wine addiction? Now that I am sober, I am less self-absorbed and more tuned in to others around me. Time will only tell. Time heals, and time tells.
Posted in Diary of Wino
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