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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 90 - Against the Grain

Posted 03-29-2019 at 12:54 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Feeling pretty fantastic today! I don't post on my blog anymore because I feel like I have overcome so much and don't need this outlet to process all those crazy emotions. I am so strong now. I faced so much head on, I climbed the biggest mountain, reached the top, and I feel alive. I feel like a brand new person. I am terrified to go back to my old drinking habits, and that is basically what keeps me sober.

What it means to me to be sober is that I am not drinking socially,...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 75 - Have Mercy?

Posted 03-14-2019 at 09:03 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

I have come to learn that I carry strength inside of me that I can instantly tap into when it's a matter of life and death with my children. I have been through so much, so much pain, that I am using everything inside to fight. My daughter was strangled last Saturday night and her boyfriend is now in jail. He tried to kill her. If she had not yelled at their Uber driver to call 911 as he pulled her out of the vehicle and threw her into the bushes, she may not be alive today. She couldn't breathe....
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DAY 68 - 12 Pounds Down

Posted 03-07-2019 at 10:13 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

I have lost 12 pounds and 13% body fat so far in 68 days. My tummy is flat! Hallelujah! My clothes fit so much better, plus I have more options now. My goal is to lose 13 more pounds. I am starting to have this amazing energy early in the morning through late at night. I am no longer lethargic. Alcohol stole so many years away from me. Alcohol suppressed me from living. Alcohol gave me a fat belly. Alcohol muted my dreams. Alcohol made me make the worst choices. Alcohol made me bitter....
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DAY 66 - An Inner Struggle

Posted 03-05-2019 at 02:00 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcoholic , poem , sober , wine , wino



An Inner Struggle

I am lost.
I cannot seem to remember what led me here.
I walk naked and barefoot carefully over a thin sheet of fragile ice that covers water.
My vision is blurred.
A grey darkness is above and all around me.
I am trying to stop shaking from the stabbing wind chills.
I feel so alone but nobody is close to me so I do not bother screaming for help.
I just move, because that is the only thing
...
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DAY 65 - South Beach Miami

Posted 03-04-2019 at 09:02 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags alcohol , miami , sober , wine , wino

My husband flew my 14 y/o daughter and I out to Miami for this past weekend, he had been there all week for work. The benefit of having a husband traveling so much is that he has a ton of miles he can use to purchase tickets.

I managed to get the house, my daughter, the dogs and cat, and myself organized for just 2 nights away. Usually I am frantically running all over the place getting everyone ready for the trip with an open bottle of wine. This time I did it all sober, that...
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