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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 20 - 'Twisted Repeat'

Posted Today at 11:31 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Twisted Repeat

In the dark I lay down and close my eyes,
I try not to listen to the demon's lies.

I am paralyzed and frozen from the fear,
Is that a dark figure holding a shear?

I pile up blankets and pillows for protection,
A scary beast lurks near with a creepy flexion.

I attempt to force these images from my mind,
As a creature crawls above with a snake twined.

I wake in the new morning feeling
...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 19 - Alcohol, the Liver, and Hormonal Imbalance

Posted Yesterday at 01:05 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Updated Yesterday at 03:44 PM by LoveHateMerlot

Since my early 20's, I've had a bottle of Merlot (or 2) almost every night, except for both of my pregnancies and a couple attempts to get sober. Throughout all that time I have consistently worked out, ate healthy, and avoid all medication including pain relievers. It's ironic, isn't it? The reason why I have been so adamant about a healthy exercise and diet regimen was a calculated effort to balance my toxic lifestyle. I knew what alcohol could do to your liver, and despite that knowledge,...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 18 - Marriage - An Alcoholic's Perspective

Posted 01-16-2019 at 09:36 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Communication, forgiveness, kindness, compassion, respect, and trust; the absence of these attributes are detrimental to a marriage. Both parties should be trying their best every day to act on these characteristics for a healthy relationship.

I have been drunk so many times in the past 15 years of our relationship, too many to count, and I beat myself up for that each day. My husband is a very sensitive, loving, gentle, and kind man. He is my balance and he is my rock. I am...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 17 - The Guilt of a Drunk Parent

Posted 01-15-2019 at 01:09 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , guilt , mother , pain , sober

I just got back from taking my 14 year old daughter to get an ultra sound done on her lower and upper abdomen. She has suffered from chronic, severe stomach pain since she was little, and it's not because she is constipated. She has had episodes where she is shaking and has convulsions, where she thinks she is going to die. I am not being dramatic, she has literally asked me if she was dying. It's very scary as a parent to not be able to answer that question when your little girl is having...
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DAY 16 - Blank

Posted 01-14-2019 at 07:38 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Updated 01-15-2019 at 07:48 AM by LoveHateMerlot

I don't know what it is but the past couple of days I just don't feel like writing. I usually cannot stop writing. Maybe it's because I am feeling so good about myself and truly enjoying every minute of being alive right now? I feel proud, accomplished, strong, and confident. I believe in myself. I have faith in myself. I don't have heart palpitations starting at 5:00 for my wine fix.

I had quite a bit happen over the weekend, from hanging out at my favorite pub (SOBER), hanging...
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