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so happy to have closed the door....

Posted 03-10-2014 at 09:38 PM by lightseeker

So happy to have closed the door on the experience with my ex husband. The divorce was final last Monday. When I received the decree I was happy to have shed his name and him.

I have felt a lot of sorrow though....sorrow for what I wish had been different. Sorrow for not having my dreams come true. Sorrow for what my sons went through. Sorrow for what I went through. Sorrow that anyone that cares for me had to watch me spiral so far down.

On the other side...
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Old

My DOC

Posted 06-08-2011 at 07:34 PM by lightseeker

I am in withdrawal. It really sucks. Just when I think that I am through the rawest and worst of it I start feeling really bad again.

Most withdrawals take 5-10 days at most. Maybe what I am having is PAWS. Yep....that's probably what it is....I just looked up the symptoms and that makes a whole lot of sense.

Everyone keeps telling me that everything will be okay if I just keep doing the next right thing...if I keep coming back until the miracle happens.
...
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Wish I knew then....

Posted 05-01-2011 at 07:04 PM by lightseeker

I was just reflecting on how 6 years ago I found Sober Recovery. At the time I had fallen in love with a man that claimed to be in recovery.

Of course, that was a lie. I had never known someone that could look you in the eyes, answer a question with a lie, and never flinch or flicker. "No, I'm sober" he stated without even the slightest hint at his duplicity.

And so it all began. Yes, he did get sober 5 months later. Yes, I ended up marrying him 16 months...
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Broken Record

Posted 12-02-2010 at 09:17 AM by lightseeker

I already know the answer to my question. It's because of my insanity. I keep doing the same things and expecting different results. If I explain myself better, if I make it clear, if you know how much it hurts me then you'll be different.

This is when I know to go back to the first step. If I jump right into Step 2 then it won't work. So here I am with Step 1 - yet again.

I am powerless over people, places, and things. I have no power over whether someone is...
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Acceptance

Posted 08-04-2010 at 08:36 PM by lightseeker

I am in a grief process because I am finally at the point of acceptance. As I have progressed in my own recovery I've repeatedly experienced having to let go of how I want another person to be.....particularly my husband. And I am beginning to accept that this relationship will never ever be what I want or need.

When he first became sober 5 years ago (he had a 20 year history of cracK addiction) we both committed to lives revolving around recovery and all of it's principles. I...
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