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One Year

Posted 02-22-2015 at 03:11 PM by gleefan

This blog started as a place to organize my foggy thoughts. I stopped drinking last year because I was tired of the exhausting cycle of drinking til I passed out. I was also growing weary of my drunken behavior, and fighting about it with my husband the next morning.

Two years ago, after feeling particularly ashamed about my behavior the night before, I found SR. I had hoped to moderate my drinking. What I saw from reading the site was that most people said they hoped for the...
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Abstinence vs. Sobriety

Posted 01-04-2015 at 05:01 PM by gleefan

I'm getting close to a full year sober. When I celebrated ten months of sobriety last month, 5/6 of a year, I was struck that the closer I get to a year, the less significant the One Year milestone seems. My sobriety isn't measured in months or years of abstinence, as much as it is in my thoughts and behaviors, my expectations and acceptance.

I have to work hard to stay sober, to get rid of the habits that kept peace and happiness elusive for so long. It feels strange sometimes,...
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Nine Months Sober

Posted 11-30-2014 at 04:47 PM by gleefan

Nine months is how long I hosted each of my sons' development before giving birth. Earlier this month, I celebrated nine months of sobriety. Like a pregnancy, nine months goes by quickly but feels like a long time. My life is significantly different at the end of those nine months compared to the beginning and has changed in ways I never would have imagined. Also, like a pregnancy, the work isn't done just because nine months are over.

One of the biggest surprises is that sobriety...
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Boundaries

Posted 11-08-2014 at 06:26 PM by gleefan

I've struggled with relationships, both in and out of the context of drinking. In recovery I'm getting so much better at recognizing when I've lost my boundaries.

I started a new job. My terrible relationship patterns and dysfunctional interpersonal habits have been highlighted as I navigate a new social group at the office. I'm happy to get to know everyone. I find that in new group settings, I quickly assess which people I'm more or less interested in getting to know. Then,...
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Crevasses

Posted 10-04-2014 at 03:49 PM by gleefan

I'm hurting deeply and intensely, the crevasse where my heart should be stung by the salty tears falling in it. It hurts to mourn years of mistreatment and neglect, but I feel awake and aware of possibilities I had given up on - serenity, joy, freedom, happiness, peace.

My heart is growing every day in recovery. I've taken the time to get to know myself and what I really like. In the morning, as I map out my day, I gratefully embrace the possibilities my responsibilities hold....
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