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My Experience in AA has become poor

Posted 08-03-2012 at 04:41 AM by eddie73

I am at the crossroads to a stage in my recovery. I feel that I have to include this in my blog as part of my honesty. There is no point in trying to paper over the cracks of this issue, or I would be guilty of complicity in being part of the program.

I am at a crisis point in AA. I have gone to numerous meetings. I have met very many people. Unfortunately, the people I have met at a meeting that I have become sec at are mostly unwell. I try not to judge them. I try not to go against my better instincts of looking at them critically. But I cant. I cant trust many of them. I hear some of them talk a good show about how well they are and what the program has done for them etc etc.

But the elephant in the room is that their behavior is at odds with what they are saying.

There is a serious issue with 13th stepping new members. There is a serious issue with gossip. There is a serious issue with trying to stop members taking their anti depressant medication. There is a serious issue with responsibility in general.

I leave the meetings feeling that I have not done something productive and wondering who I can trust. I know that I need some solidarity with fellow alcoholics to maintain sobriety. This is a must. I need to see the person come in and share after a relapse. This is part of staying away from the alcohol.

I cant accept the baggage that is attached to the meetings thou. This is where I get off the bus.
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  1. Old Comment
    bloss's Avatar
    Have you thought about or tried therapy (not in a group, just for yourself), helped me a little. I have struggled for years with drinking and relapsing. Tried AA and agree with your post, hard to overlook things. Still, it works for some. Guess we are all different. Take care
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    Posted 08-03-2012 at 12:45 PM by bloss bloss is offline
  2. Old Comment
    I can relate. Fortunately I've found some guys within my group that have some quality recovery, so I just stick with my small circle of AA aquaintances, take what I need and leave the rest. Just recently I was criticizing (as I frequently do) some stuff about the main group that I attend and my sponsor told me to remember that when I'm in a meeting I'm in a room full of sick people, and that I should "stick with the winners" and keep the focus on my own recovery, which I think is good advice. Maybe you can be the guy who brings some of this stuff up? Good luck.
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    Posted 08-03-2012 at 10:36 PM by frankinnc frankinnc is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Thanks guys for looking in.

    Yes I have brought up having a life outside of AA as being vitally important. I think people eventually relapse not because they have stopped doing the steps properly or because they are not truly honest with themselves, but because they are doing nothing else except AA. It would drive u nuts if that was your only life imo. But I can see that there are some in AA that seem to be well balanced and with the program in a good way.

    This is where I want to be at. My goal is to stay sober and also equally importantly to have a good life.
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    Posted 08-07-2012 at 04:14 AM by eddie73 eddie73 is offline
 


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