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Slipping without the drink

Posted 08-07-2012 at 04:22 AM by eddie73

I do this many times over the course of a week. They are small petty slips that mark the trait of being human. It is where I try too hard, or secret away resentments, or isolate, or sleep in or procrastinate, or stop trying at all. There is a good list there.

I slip often and in small ways. I slip in bigger ways sometimes too. I slip in very big ways and these are the times I realize that sobriety is a thing that does not have to include alcohol being involved. I can be very drunk...
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My Experience in AA has become poor

Posted 08-03-2012 at 04:41 AM by eddie73

I am at the crossroads to a stage in my recovery. I feel that I have to include this in my blog as part of my honesty. There is no point in trying to paper over the cracks of this issue, or I would be guilty of complicity in being part of the program.

I am at a crisis point in AA. I have gone to numerous meetings. I have met very many people. Unfortunately, the people I have met at a meeting that I have become sec at are mostly unwell. I try not to judge them. I try not to go against...
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Maintaining sobriety

Posted 07-10-2012 at 04:40 AM by eddie73

I am feeling very sober, but I am never fully sober in my head. Thats what I think anyway. I feel that it should be called sobriety anonymous rather than alcoholics anonymous, as it is the challenge of living sober that most people feel difficulty with. Drinking is very painful indeed, but lacks the pain of responsibility that we are repelled from. This is worth the pain sometimes, at least in the very short term. Long term it ends up being hell.

How I maintain my sobriety is a very...
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Recovery in Recovery

Posted 04-11-2012 at 05:15 AM by eddie73

there are times when you go backwards in your head. these times you think you can prepare for, and say to yourself that when they arrive you know what they are, but truly when they do they are very difficult indeed. These are not temptations at relapse per say, they are more a realization that you cannot run from yourself any more thru a form of addiction without responsibly being informed about the consequences. This is what happens.

Thankfully this episode is now on the wane. It...
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Steps beyond the matrix of fear

Posted 04-07-2012 at 04:34 AM by eddie73

The end of january, i felt really positive about myself and about life. All thru feb and most of march likewise.

March saw the beginning of me dreaming about relapse. about things that were disturbing. It saw me waking up and ruminating on existential issues. it saw me feeling odd and displaced because of who I am or was. It saw me priming a fall or a drop in mood.

The drop in mood came. I did not slip. Thank god I didnt slip. I would not be able to go thru this...
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