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Confused But Hopeful

Posted 01-11-2013 at 02:29 PM by deeker

Somedays are so good and I think I have it all figured out. Then I'll learn something completely out of the blue I had not recognized about my thoughts or behaviors.
Lately my addiction manifests itself in being online for hours a day. I have met a lot of people in recovery online and I have been emailing people daily, A lot of people.I have been reaching out to encourage and help others.Almost to the point of obsession. I think it is because I don't want to look deeply at some of my own uncomfortable feelings. I don't usually ever ask for help or talk about my problems or negativity. I don't know maybe I am in denial . I was raised that you don't complain and you don't whine and we were supposed to just get over stuff, So it's really hard for me to reach out to other women in recovery for help. I feel like I should be able to push through any pain I may be feeling or confusion.
God has been making me aware of this new addiction and I think it has to do with EGO. Makes me feel good to help others, almost like a high but I am early in recovery so maybe I am
transmitting something I don't have. I don't know, as a Christian I feel God would want me to encourage others but I am sure others with time in recovery would say start taking care of yourself. I don't know. Has anyone ever gotten addicted to recovery and tried to save the world. I am still looking deeply at my motives. I hate to admit it might be an EGO thing because I really do have compassion as I have experienced the deep despair of addiction. I am rambling. If you read this far and have any idea what I am talking about or have any experience , strength and hope on the matter. I welcome your comments. Thanks With love deek
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  1. Old Comment
    BigShoe's Avatar
    the Dalai Lama makes a similar remark to encourage compassion for others. He says it's really more selfish to help because you will feel so good. I would ride that high deek!

    I too spend too much time on the Internet sometimes to the detriment of household activities. I try to set parameters.. Attempts at moderation lol.
    Posted 07-10-2013 at 07:13 AM by BigShoe BigShoe is offline

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