was hoping for a better month. had hoped for more of a balance after 6 months.. since the open heart surgery.. they say God will not give you anymore then you can handle.. well he is pushing this old lady clown to the edge... can say this here for its the only safe place to pour out your heart.. so afraid for my Eddie Lee. he was told in June that he only has 5 years of life left.. You don't tell someone that. give them some hope some purpose. don't pull out the ******* rug and then...

Hi Blog.. my safe place to put my heart and tears and fears..
Had my Birthday yesterday Sunday August 4th 2019 .. a long way from August 4th 1950. yep.. could not hear Pop in my head for the first time ever on my Birthday no Hey Arda wake up its your birthday..
it was a nice day worked my little garden got Ed to come out and sit on the porch for a bit..
put 4 tiny cherry tomatoes out on the bannister for the squrril friend. he had such a good time with them.. ...

this is my safe place for opening my heart.. We are no longer part of State Fair after 14 years.. Its nice not to have to get up on Sat at 5am and put the 12 hour day together for the 2 of us. but Eddie Lee no longer has other people around.. can see that his mind is going in circles once again.. there is a problem with something every 30 minutes.. its the "Oh My God" that pops up and I know I have to watch what he is doing closer.. feel that the meds for his mind are not doing...

happier and safer Toots.. Eddie Lee is on a med that is working.. so looking forward to summer 2017.....https://youtu.be/mkBS4zUjJZo?list=RDmkBS4zUjJZo

have some fears for my health. its not easy getting to be 67..have fought cancer twice in my time and won.. fear this is something else.. weakness in legs and pain in feet and upper thigh.. but the lump in the small intestine is the hardest to deal with .. it moves. thought at first it was something I should not have eaten. and then it spammed a bit. hit the trail to the potty and look out below.. have to try and laugh a bit.. gas belching and gas. and never trust the gas.. tummy...