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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 22 - Lying to a Doctor

Posted 01-20-2019 at 08:05 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags damage , doctor , hope , liver , pain

I had been experiencing liver pain the past couple years. It's been a significant factor in my decision to quit for life. I recently wrote a post about how I am trying to repair my liver. I have mild, acute pain on my right side, under my rib cage, after taking supplements and vitamins or eating. It's not debilitating, I just know it's there. I have not been to the doctor yet to get checked out. The reason is because I am embarrassed. I told my doctor last year on my annual check up that...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 20 - 'Twisted Repeat'

Posted 01-18-2019 at 11:31 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

Twisted Repeat

In the dark I lay down and close my eyes,
I try not to listen to the demon's lies.

I am paralyzed and frozen from the fear,
Is that a dark figure holding a shear?

I pile up blankets and pillows for protection,
A scary beast lurks near with a creepy flexion.

I attempt to force these images from my mind,
As a creature crawls above with a snake twined.

I wake in the new morning feeling
...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 17 - The Guilt of a Drunk Parent

Posted 01-15-2019 at 01:09 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags drunk , guilt , mother , pain , sober

I just got back from taking my 14 year old daughter to get an ultra sound done on her lower and upper abdomen. She has suffered from chronic, severe stomach pain since she was little, and it's not because she is constipated. She has had episodes where she is shaking and has convulsions, where she thinks she is going to die. I am not being dramatic, she has literally asked me if she was dying. It's very scary as a parent to not be able to answer that question when your little girl is having...
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LoveHateMerlot
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