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Every day is a new day, that's what I keep telling myself. The struggle is real. I'm in deep with this addiction to wine. I am searching for the answer how to turn it off. I feel lucky if I can keep it down to a daily minimum of just one bottle. I pray to God to take this addiction away. Some days I'm a fighter. Other days are a bit more challenging. Hopefully by putting this out there, starting today, I can find a new hope and believe in myself again.

LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 51 - Blood Test Results

Posted 02-18-2019 at 07:45 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)

I reached out to my 20 y/o daughter last night via text. She is beautiful, inside and out, but is dealing with her own demons. It's been a week since her last 3:00 am episode. Her boyfriend FaceTimed me while she was trying to kill herself (drunk). I just simply texted her last night, "how are you?". I had originally made a decision to just be here for her, and not make an effort to try to save her anymore. It's painful and it's so hard to act normal like everything is okay around...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 22 - Lying to a Doctor

Posted 01-20-2019 at 07:05 AM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Tags damage , doctor , hope , liver , pain

I had been experiencing liver pain the past couple years. It's been a significant factor in my decision to quit for life. I recently wrote a post about how I am trying to repair my liver. I have mild, acute pain on my right side, under my rib cage, after taking supplements and vitamins or eating. It's not debilitating, I just know it's there. I have not been to the doctor yet to get checked out. The reason is because I am embarrassed. I told my doctor last year on my annual check up that...
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LoveHateMerlot
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DAY 19 - Alcohol, the Liver, and Hormonal Imbalance

Posted 01-17-2019 at 12:05 PM by LoveHateMerlot (Diary of Wino)
Updated 01-17-2019 at 02:44 PM by LoveHateMerlot

Since my early 20's, I've had a bottle of Merlot (or 2) almost every night, except for both of my pregnancies and a couple attempts to get sober. Throughout all that time I have consistently worked out, ate healthy, and avoid all medication including pain relievers. It's ironic, isn't it? The reason why I have been so adamant about a healthy exercise and diet regimen was a calculated effort to balance my toxic lifestyle. I knew what alcohol could do to your liver, and despite that knowledge,...
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LoveHateMerlot
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