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-   -   "Taken" vs "Playing the field" (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/bikers-12-step-recovery/201573-taken-vs-playing-field.html)

tabfan 05-22-2010 07:44 AM

"Taken" vs "Playing the field"
 
When two people meet and start flirting around with each other, when is the polite time for each to tell the other they have a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend"? Of course, I know if one were married, the married one should verbalize this right away. But, how about when one of them is not married, but "in a committed relationship"?

Maybe I should discuss this in thread. I am just venting here because I have had a situation recently where I was flirting with an individual and they were flirting with me. This continued on for over a month. Never ONCE did this person tell me they were in a "relationship". If I had heard those words early on, I would not have continued to flirt, or at least not in the way that I did. Do you know what I mean?

Let me put it another way: I have RESPECT for the relationship of a couple. Once I know they are a couple, I don't carry my flirtation beyond a certain point! I treat people the way that I would like to be treated! Example: When I in a relationship, I wouldn't want someone on the outside doing that to me and my mate!

BillJ 05-24-2010 04:03 PM

I don't flirt with anyone but my wife. What are these guys up to, that they're flirting with you (on an extended basis) without mentioning this allegedly "committed" relationship of theirs? Are they shopping for side-action? Trying to keep their options open in case a "better catch" comes along? Or are they using you to assure themselves that they're still attractive to women?

Whatever the answer, they don't sound like men you want to be involved with. In fact, they don't sound like men at all, but overgrown, insecure, selfish boys.

I bet you can do better.

Freedom1990 05-31-2010 10:35 AM

I found the further along I got in my recovery, flirting just wasn't part of my modus operandi.

Early on, it was an effective deterrent to what I really didn't want to do...work on self.

I was still getting my feel-goods from men around me, rather than acknowledging that's an inside job. :)


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