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Old 10-23-2014, 06:07 AM   #81 (permalink)
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There was a guy in one of my old home groups who hated when people cursed. And everyone knew it. One day a guy was qualifying who had a really filthy mouth. Me and a friend of mine had our eyes on the guy who couldn't handle it, and I have to admit it was kinda entertaining. Every time the person speaking dropped an F bomb, the guy cringed, and it got more and more intense with each curse. Finally the guy just shook his head, got up, and walked out of the meeting. My friend who was really into video games at the time said he felt like it was watching a game monster die. You have to keep shooting it repeatedly till it finally goes down.

That incident threw a little humor into the whole cursing thing for me. I think it's a good idea to let these people know they're being disrespectful, and that sobriety is about change... But after that I think it's important to take it for what it's worth. They really are only hurting themselves.
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Old 10-23-2014, 06:12 AM   #82 (permalink)
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Here's the rest of the story....The gentleman who intentionally set out to offend lady who did not want hear vulgarity, had been around this rural community for a few years. He moved here when he married a local woman. He is a psychology professor and came out of the hippy movement of the late sixties (he and I had a lot in common and shared many of our experiences). I am going to take his inventory so please bare with me, as mentioned I'll do a 10th step if needed.

This Gentleman who is my friend today, has been some what arrogant in the past. The woman he married was tired of his BS and was giving him a divorce. He came into the relationship with nothing and they lived on a farm (hippie dream) that was purchased with her money. Needless to say his attitude sucked at the time.

For some time he had been dropping the F Bomb at meetings and then would look at the older lady who was offended. One night I had had enough (she was my friend) and I became totally pissed. I was rude to him at the meeting and called him on the phone later that night. I told him I did not like him, that he was full of BS, called him a MF'er, an *******, and said I though he was a queer (I said this only to offend him). Said the next time I saw him I would kick his ass. I terrorized his ass a little and put some fear in him. He told me he would never come back to that meeting, and I said good. I knew I would have to and called him in the morning and said I was sorry. He accepted my apology and he did call that woman who was offended and apologized to her. He never came back to the meeting, was divorced and moved to Arkansas.

His ex is a little worried about him, he has no friends and rarely goes to meeting (this could happen when character defects are not dealt with). I don't think he will relapse but I don't think he is happy joyous and free.

I myself have many character defects, some of which I hold on to. I have asked God to remove them but don't know how serious I am when I ask....I enjoy being an ******* sometimes. I don't really care. I am no stranger to vulgarity and use it myself....the guys I ride with are not angels but we do care about others.

Much of what I have read in this thread in recent days is good.....some in my opinion is pure crap, you know what they say about opinions "they are like elbows, everybody has a couple" .... is that the way that goes?

Thanks for letting me share.....some you probably would not like me in person....I don't really give a **** either.
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Old 10-23-2014, 06:37 AM   #83 (permalink)
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When I'm taking someone else's inventory it reminds me to make I'm not displaying the same behavior I find displeasing in others.

Lot of shop talk where I am. I have to remind myself after I leave at the end of the day.
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Old 10-23-2014, 09:42 AM   #84 (permalink)
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This seems a good place to add this:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake.

Xtreem
this one quote in the book has my back up, i agree with it all apart from the last part were it says nothing absolutely nothing happens in gods world by mistake

my son died a horrible painful death to stomach cancer 2 years ago he was just 16 years old
his fear of death and me in the position of parent who couldn't do anything to save him other than care for him while he was dying is the cruelest thing in the world i have ever faced in my life, what the hell wrong did my little boy ever do wrong to anyone ? he was the kindest kid in the world yet he had to suffer so, his words were its not fair as he broke his heart crying as there was no dam hope for him and at 16 having to face he was never going to live well how the hell would anyone else like it ?

so if nothing absolutly nothing happens in gods world by mistake then it would mean that this god thing sat back and watched my son die in such a cruel way
i dont believe anyone in there right mind would do such a thing not if they have the power to save people
so i think who ever wrote that part in the book never considered kids dying at the time of writing it as to me its one of the parts in the book i have to ignore as i know its not true in my eyes.

as i said the rest of what it says is true and bang on the button. but that god side of it i wish they never included it i really do.
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Old 10-23-2014, 10:16 AM   #85 (permalink)
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my son died a horrible painful death to stomach cancer 2 years ago he was just 16 years old
his fear of death and me in the position of parent who couldn't do anything to save him other than care for him while he was dying is the cruelest thing in the world i have ever faced in my life, what the hell wrong did my little boy ever do wrong to anyone ? he was the kindest kid in the world yet he had to suffer so, his words were its not fair as he broke his heart crying as there was no dam hope for him and at 16 having to face he was never going to live well how the hell would anyone else like it ?

so if nothing absolutly nothing happens in gods world by mistake then it would mean that this god thing sat back and watched my son die in such a cruel way
i dont believe anyone in there right mind would do such a thing not if they have the power to save people
so i think who ever wrote that part in the book never considered kids dying at the time of writing it as to me its one of the parts in the book i have to ignore as i know its not true in my eyes.
I know this is OT, but I'm curious if you ever posted about this by itself here? I'd really like to know what other people's thoughts are regarding this... The whole idea of undeniably bad things, happening to good, innocent people. I think it's a spiritual stuck point for many.
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Old 10-23-2014, 08:19 PM   #86 (permalink)
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this one quote in the book has my back up, i agree with it all apart from the last part were it says nothing absolutely nothing happens in gods world by mistake

my son died a horrible painful death to stomach cancer 2 years ago he was just 16 years old
his fear of death and me in the position of parent who couldn't do anything to save him other than care for him while he was dying is the cruelest thing in the world i have ever faced in my life, what the hell wrong did my little boy ever do wrong to anyone ? he was the kindest kid in the world yet he had to suffer so, his words were its not fair as he broke his heart crying as there was no dam hope for him and at 16 having to face he was never going to live well how the hell would anyone else like it ?

so if nothing absolutly nothing happens in gods world by mistake then it would mean that this god thing sat back and watched my son die in such a cruel way
i dont believe anyone in there right mind would do such a thing not if they have the power to save people
so i think who ever wrote that part in the book never considered kids dying at the time of writing it as to me its one of the parts in the book i have to ignore as i know its not true in my eyes.

as i said the rest of what it says is true and bang on the button. but that god side of it i wish they never included it i really do.


I don't claim to have an answer here, sorry for the pain and loss.
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Old 10-23-2014, 08:52 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Good work Toad.

I reckon he was psychologically bullying the older lady and you went and stood up to him.

And he did what a typical coward who likes to bully old ladies would do..... Took off like a frightened little bunny.

Guess God blessed you with the ability to frighten off cowardly bullies
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Old 10-24-2014, 09:09 AM   #88 (permalink)
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I know this is OT, but I'm curious if you ever posted about this by itself here? I'd really like to know what other people's thoughts are regarding this... The whole idea of undeniably bad things, happening to good, innocent people. I think it's a spiritual stuck point for many.
no i havent thought about posting a topic on it joe ? i dont know if it would open up a can of worms or not to be honest ?

when i read the post containing the reference to the book i felt i had to comment on it as i agree with it all except the last part and i gave my reasons as my son being the problem as to why i can not accept that side of things

i know its hard for many who do believe in a god to even understand as they take what is written in the book word for word as gospel

but then there not the ones who had to watch there little boy suffer and die so they dont have my life to live. dr bob and bill w would have written something totally different in the book had there been someone in the fellowship out of the first 100 members had lost a child i am sure they would of thought about that part of the book a bit more in an understanding way

as i still try to live my life joe trying to be good and kind and trying to help others if i can
this is what has been passed on to me by aa a new way of living life and rejecting selfishness

that means i have to sit there in meetings and listen to people tell me how happy they are that god loves them and has protected them from harm and protected them from losing there kids or jobs or homes etc

i have to not think well what about me ?

i think thats what the guy was doing when he was swearing at the meeting as he knew the women didnt like it maybe she had some how stamped her way of doing things into the meeting ? maybe the guy was showing that if people are really working there programs and really trying to live and let live then maybe they should be able to sit there and cope with swear words
like i have said before if all in life they can find wrong is someone saying a rude words then there going to suffer big time should they ever have to deal with a real problem in the world

that doesnt mean of course that i would say its ok to swear in meetings but it does mean i am prepared to sit there and let people do so without me trying to get them to conform to my way just because i think its right

i have to sit there and try to feel happy for others who have dam good lives in aa and have so much to feel grateful for

i could scream at times when i here some people complaining of such small things in the world and yet to them it is a huge problem
but at the end of the day i shut my gob and let them get it off there chest as its important to them and thats what matters
its not about me or my way
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Old 10-24-2014, 09:14 AM   #89 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by desypete View Post
this one quote in the book has my back up, i agree with it all apart from the last part were it says nothing absolutely nothing happens in gods world by mistake

my son died a horrible painful death to stomach cancer 2 years ago he was just 16 years old
his fear of death and me in the position of parent who couldn't do anything to save him other than care for him while he was dying is the cruelest thing in the world i have ever faced in my life, what the hell wrong did my little boy ever do wrong to anyone ? he was the kindest kid in the world yet he had to suffer so, his words were its not fair as he broke his heart crying as there was no dam hope for him and at 16 having to face he was never going to live well how the hell would anyone else like it ?

so if nothing absolutly nothing happens in gods world by mistake then it would mean that this god thing sat back and watched my son die in such a cruel way
i dont believe anyone in there right mind would do such a thing not if they have the power to save people
so i think who ever wrote that part in the book never considered kids dying at the time of writing it as to me its one of the parts in the book i have to ignore as i know its not true in my eyes.

as i said the rest of what it says is true and bang on the button. but that god side of it i wish they never included it i really do.
I am so sorry for your loss, my most sincere condolences.

I also have no answers as to understand completely what Dr. Paul meant when he wrote that. All I can do is share my experience strength and hope here about how I understand it. I think first of all to come close to understanding ("nothing absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake") you have to believe in God and have God as the object of your faith. Then you have to believe that God in His infinite Power loves man and the world enough to allow the freedom to use our will power any way we want, what ever the consequences are. Disease is present in the world and how it got here to begin with I have no answer. I do know that God cures some and some are not cured, why I don't know, but I still believe and trust in God (This is the essence of my Faith).

For me to understand this statement I take the two words "God's world" and I put my faith in God, not the world. My faith teaches me that God set everything in motion and what all happens is not a mistake, good or bad.

I feel for you and your loss. I also am no stranger to loss. My father died an alcoholic at age 51. my mother died of alcoholism at age 58, my son committed suicide in 1991, my wife died of an overdose in 1995, I have a step daughter who has been missing since 1995. I do believe alcoholism to be a disease that walks through our lives like all diseases (alcoholism is a disease because it has a beginning, progresses, and the end result is death if not arrested)........Vietnam in 67 and 68 took a big chunk of my mind and spirit. Working the steps honestly has been my greatest asset in overcoming PTSD.

I believe you also have PTSD I am here to tell you, you are not alone. We can talk any time you want, send me a message and I will call you.

I love you and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.

toad
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Old 10-24-2014, 01:49 PM   #90 (permalink)
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but at the end of the day i shut my gob and let them get it off there chest as its important to them and thats what matters
its not about me or my way
good stuff here Pete.......thanks for sharing. My sponsor always said to take you problems to your sponsor and bring the solutions to the table. I have run into many meetings that are nothing more than group therapy and have very little to do with recovery. Tom I. from NC who has been big in AA Corrections said "If you don't hear what you want to hear at a meeting, say what you want to hear".

I enjoy all you have to say Pete.....keep coming back
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Old 05-26-2015, 05:54 AM   #91 (permalink)
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I have listened to recordings of Dr. Bob and Bill W. and never heard a foul word. Then again I have listened to Clancy and others who are considered Old Timers and they use vulgarity regularly. I heard once that vulgarity is a crutch for those who are verbally handicapped.
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Old 10-25-2015, 04:34 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Geez,
this thread handily summarizes some of the reasons AA meetings drive me crazy lol. No swearing, cussing, being threatened by other members. Wow. So much for Live and Let Live.
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