Ann

This is from Melody Beattie's "language of Letting Go" Aug. 2 reading

In Between

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

Once of the hardest Parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortable feelings. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in-between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

BEing in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need first to let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in-between can apply to many areas of our life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes or goals. We can be in between behaviours as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviours that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we're in-between; spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how we get from here to there. It's not the destination.

We are moving forward, even when we're in-between.

Today I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.

<small>[ May 27, 2002, 06:37 PM: Message edited by: anns ]</small>

Morning Glory

Thanks Ann,

Sometimes it feels like I've been in between forever, but actually I've been moving in and out. What I mean by that is that there can be a lot of in betweens on the journey. I come out of one in between and find that I'm in another in between.

It makes it seem sometimes that I haven't made any progress because the feelings feel the same. If I look back though and ignore the feelings I can see that I've come a long way. Thanks for posting this.

Nice Italics

MG

Ann

Bringing back up for those who are "in between"

Ann

Bringing up for Chandra

onway2sanity

(((Anns)))

GinaN.

I am one of those people completely.....i am so inbetween it is not even funny......i cant get a divorce my heart wont let me, and my addict wont let himself get one either.......i was at one point resolved in just living my life and thinking to myself that i was getting a divorce......but that was neither here nor there....and really the divorce is just the apparent part of it.......the inbetween part is just not letting go and finding your true self again.........dont get me wrong i am so very independent from him now.....and feeling good......but there is still a large part of me that feels......'IN BETWEEN'........i keep telling myself.......'CARPE DIEM'....SEIZE THE DAY......but i have to remind myself all the time....i have to forgive myself for not achieving the life i so very much wanted......i dont have a family in the traditional sense.....and truly that is all that i wanted.......and this 'in between' thing is really a pain in my soul........i pray for the day that i will not be that way anymore and i will be living my life in the way that i wanted it to be.............but for now........a drug free life is all that it could be.........darn it i hate drugs so very much.......they have stolen my life away from me.......and i was never a user..........i hate it all..........

CherylG

Anns- this is why when I am down this is one place I like to visit. My HP gives me just what I need, when I need it and today I really needed to be reminded I am JUST IN BETWEEN right now in my life. Thanks!

Ann

Bringing back up for Merideth

Ann

Back to the top for the newcomers

Ann

Back to the top for newcomers

Kathy

This couldn't have been a better post for me to read right now! Thank you Thank you for bringing it back up! Maybe you could sticky it so it will be available for those of us who feel like we'll always be in-between!!!!!
Thanks again,
Kathy

Ann

I don't have permission to 'sticky" in this forum, but I will drop JT and Smoke a note and see if they can do it for all of us.

If you don't have Meolody Beattie's book "The Language of Letting Go" I highly recommend it. Be careful not to mistake it for her new book "More Language of Letting Go" which is also very good, but the first one is best for newcomers. And "Codependent No More" is her classic best seller - a must read for all of us.

laura

...nice post...and so true...
there have been so many times in my life
when i think i must have been stuck in the
'in-between' for what seemed like an eternity...
sometimes i might be able to start to inch my way out...
but something was holding me back.
it's taken me a good part of my life to figure out
how to spend most of my time OUT of the in-between.
so much of my life i spent searching for SOMETHING...
growing up, i was searching for attention, love...i felt
as though there was so much void...and fear of being abandoned...in and out of relationships...drugs...not thinking much of myself...
but now...and over the past few years, i have started to understand ALOT...why i am the way i am....and WHO i am...
>>>>yes, i am finally in counseling...something i should have done a very long time ago...but like my son (see previous thread by me)...i guess it wasn't time...i'm on anti-depressants now,probably have needed them most of my life...they make a world of difference...i'm not stuck in-between...
((well, now and then))...i'm happy...and starting to DO for ME!
>>>>>>>>>>thanx for the post....and for listening......
laura

mary558

i just was browsing this recovery site and popped in here. boyfriend is back in rehab after having a relapse after 30 days clean and sober. I have a decision i have to make and i can see where i am in the in between. I love him and was willing to stand by him. but now i see that i can't that my soberiety is in jeporday. he picked up crack this summer for the first time and it's got him so hooked, i am sober 15 months and value my recovery. everytime i think about helping him i will read this piece with an open heart.....thanks for this post

Ann

This post is from Melody Beattie's book "Language of Letting Go" and I highly recommend getting a copy.

It is chuck full of wonderful daily readings that cover all areas of codependency and recovery. I keep at copy at home and another at work, just for "emergency" moments when I need to pick something up to remind myself who I am.

babysteps

I find myself coming back to this post over and over. It seems to fit so many different areas of my life. In-between my husband's active use, and recovery... in-between being a stay at home mom and getting back out in the job market. In between married and separated. I'm not sure there's any part of my life that's not inbetween right now. And reading this helps to remind me that, for now, that's okay. I need this time in between to reflect on the past, to live in today, and to look to the future. I really have to get this book, especially if this passage is a true reflection of what is within... and know what I do of Melody Beattie... I'm sure it is.

Ann

I'm going to "sticky" this one for a while, for the newcomers.

KerriG

I have that book, I guess I should start to read it

devastated

Dear Anns:

I read your post and I can understand that all these "mixed-up" feelings that I am experiencing are all part of the process of letting go! It has been difficult for me, because it is "unfamiliar" but something that we all have to go through in order to heal.

Thank you, Anns, you have been a blessing to me!

Hugs, Devastated

tragic

Dear Ann, thank you so much for your words of wisdom, i am 5 weeks "in between" now, i left my boyfriend of 8 years after finding out he was using crystal meth, i know this is not the life i want but i LOVE him sooooo much, i know i did the right thing, i guess i was hoping that he would love me enough to want to change and come back but unfortunetly he met someone else and is now seeing her, this hurts tremendously, i just wanted him to confide in me i wanted to be there to protect and help him, but i guess the drug has made the decision for him, reading these posts everyday help, i read what could happen if i were to stay but it is very hard, i just tell myself that things can't get any worse than they are now and that with time i can only heal, i just feel so empty, i miss him terribly but i know i have to move on and reading these posts help they give me the strength in knowing i am not the only one out there and that one day i will be happy again.